Note - If you are offended by regional stereotypes, or stereotypes of any other sort, please refrain from reading. Thanks :)

Another year, another day, another sweaty evening in law school. From the terrace of my hostel, I survey my kingdom. My kingdom is composed of the occasional tree, patchy grass, sunbathing dogs, the venerable Academic Block, and - ah! What is that? What is that I see heading down the road?

It is a bird of diminutive size. Its plumage is muted and its eyes are firmly downcast. It carries a full backpack, and - glory of glories! - appears to be heading for the library straight after class. That settles it. It could only be one thing.

I congratulate myself on having spotted the male of the elusive Fresherus Timidus, a species peculiar to the genus Fresherus that inundates law school every summer semester.

I watch it move from hostel to the academic block. Its progress is interrupted several times by flocks of predatory Seniorus Bikerboyidae who descend on it and poke at its feathers continuously until they are satisfied that it indeed belongs to the species Timidus. The large Bikerboyidae feed on ethanol, herbs of a three-leaved nature, and the young of the species Fresherus Insolentia. They do not feed on Fresherus Timidus birds, they merely attack them and use their feathers to line their own nests.

This particular Timidus valiantly fights his way through multiple gaggles of Bikerboyidae and is almost safely at his destination, when alas! he is distracted by a Bird of Paradise.

The Birds of Paradise are indigenous to Delhi and South Bombay, and form a distinctive part of law school ecology. They are brightly coloured, perfectly groomed and female. They feed primarily on ethanol, nicotine and birds of the male persuasion, which latter they trap using their mating calls.

Birds of Paradise do not mate for life, and usually mate successively across species. The mating of a Bird of Paradise is a complicated ritual involving high pitched, tinkly mating calls, copious quantities of alcohol and repetitive dance-like movements emphasising the more…pneumatic.. aspects of its body.

Of course, if the mating ritual is successful, they will stun him with their plumage and exhaust his winter store of grain before he recovers, but birds are not a species known for their forethought, and male birds even less so, so my outlook regarding young Timidus’ prospects is rather pessimistic. But our little Fresherus Timidus is presently safe from these feminine guiles, because the pecking order of the jungle does not entitle him to attractive female company while the Seniorus Bikerboyidae are still checking her out.

I decide to take a walk towards the gaggle of Bikerboyidae, who are presently engaged in closely observing the contours of a young female Fresherus Hotnessa. Certain chicks of the Fresherus Hotnessa species, while timid and possessing relatively drab colouring, have the unusual power to moult into Birds of Paradise within two years of living in law school. It remains the solemn, time-honoured responsibility of the Seniorus Bikerboyidae to identify which of the Hotnessa are likely to undergo such a mutation, and which are likely to die in unpopular oblivion. This prediction is usually accomplished by means of a detailed ten-point scoresheet evaluating the Hotnessa on various bases (which can not be discussed on a family friendly forum such as this one).

They are engaged in furious debate regarding the potential of a particular Hotnessa, when I interrupt them. They do not take kindly to this interruption. What are you making casual conversation with us for, don’t you know that Bikerboyidae never interact with Dorkii like yourself? One of them said sternly.

That’s true, I admitted, I just wanted to know, why do you persist in attacking the Fresherus Timidii when you are perfectly capable of feathering your own nests by yourselves?

It is a time honoured tradition, they say. We are breaking the ice in a healthy fashion.

But Timidii are only timid by nature, not frightened of you, I respond.

And we respect their right to be timid! they say, fluffing their feathers angrily at my insinuation otherwise - We only reserve the right to bully them mercilessly out of their natural timidity!

Besides, they say, shrugging, we are simply earning respect.

Wouldn’t the Timidii respect your seniority anyway, with or without your having to earn it? I say confusedly.

Oh naive Dorkus, they laugh. Why would other birds respect us if we did not threaten to eat them up?

Good question. Perhaps for your wit, intelligence and breathtaking knowledge of copyright law and cricket trivia? I venture humbly.

There is a resounding silence, broken a few seconds later by the Bikerboyidae rolling about in incredulous laughter. I stand by in genuine puzzlement.

As the laughter dies down and the sun sets, I look over to our friend Timidus in the distance, who has been accosted by a flock of Seniorus Positiveinteractiona.

I strain my ears, and I hear the low-pitched, unhappy birdcall of the Fresherus Timidus float faintly across the college grounds.

“My name is Fresherus Timidus and I am from Kanpur. I am from Arya Chidiya Mandir. I like cricket and singing songs…oh…I have a cough…I don’t know the lines… okay..”

I wait anxiously in the pregnant silence, hoping he’ll do the right thing.

The air suddenly fills with the worst rendition of Chura Liya Hai Tumne I have ever heard. His audience cheers him on with catcalls and whistles.

I walk away, satisfied. Perhaps he’ll be okay after all. :)