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“What?? There is no hoopla at all!!!!”

Dude!! can you really do THIS in courts?? Man, this must be freaking adventurous” jumping on couch with excitement, my friend, an engineering student, asked me this question when we were watching a Govinda movie wherein he puts himself on fire, just to prove his point. “Not just this dude, in another movie, Anil Kapoor gulped whole bottle of poison to save his client!!!” another friend, a CA student this time, clarified. [I swear, for 5 minutes it felt as if I’m both Fardeen Khan and Tushar Kapoor- expression less face with no voice]. I was amazed. It felt as if I belong to a profession of super-heroes who wear black suits instead of tight-fitting costumes (I’m always curious how does Spiderman manages in his is one piece costume when he has to take a leak).  Not been able to bear all this anymore, I intervened “Shut up guys, there is nothing like that. Court proceedings are held in very proper manner. They have procedures, laws, and nobody argues like this and it is the…..” I realized my friends are back to being amazed by Govinda and his gimmicks.

I’m very sure that if there is a Bollywood Constitution of 19_ _, its preamble says “
We, the people of Bollywood, solemnly resolve to always portray Court-rooms as per our whims and fancies; show advocates as a WWE wrestlers; and use as spicy dialogues as possible”. What else could be the reason for showing Sunny Deol yelling at court, just for a “date” and searching another hand-pump to show his 2.5 kg hands.

I belong to a family in which no one is even remotely related to courts (not even as parties to a matter) that’s why when I told my dad that I want to do Law, he threw his hands in air and said “
and all these years I was happy that no one in our family has mental problems.” I took me months to convince him. My Dad’s friends used to tell him “Sharmaji, how can you agree to let him do law? Look at my son, he is in IIT. So what it took him 3 years to clear the entrance and now has 13 backlogs, atleast he is pursuing a good course, not something useless. Yes, useless was the word. If anyone asks me, I would say that Law is the only profession which is highly mistaken and misunderstood in our country. For a real layman, lawyers mean people who wear black-coats even in summers, ride scooters and earn peanuts. Law firms, corporate, placements are still out of their dictionary. I don’t know if it’s because of Hindi movies or lack of G.K. or misconceptions, but sometimes it ruins the efforts we put in to get into law schools.

Once I was enjoying hot moong halwa while checking out hotter chicks in a big-fat Indian wedding when a bigger and fatter relative came to me with a girl and said “
Beta, this is my son. He is playing role of Balthazar (Portia's disguise as a lawyer) in Merchant of Venice tomorrow. Your mom told me that you went to some imaginary court (moots). Can you please suggest him some damdaar dialogues which he can use in play”. I looked at that girl-boy combo and told him “look, its very easy, just be normal and talk as if you are talking to your friends. Later I came to know that the combo was expelled from School for using F-word and Hindi slangs in a play.

A lot of times I’ve been told “
good yaar, you are becoming a lawyer. Please save me if I murder someone”, and I replied, “yeah, why not. Infact, murderer is like a pizza. If you get caught in 30 mins its fine, otherwise you are free”.  Someone else once asked “why do lawyers have so many copies of one book? (AIR journals). Jokingly, I said “They are not books. They are blank note-books and a lawyer is supposed to fill them in his entire life”, he shook his head as if he understood and said “Oh, like my dadi has that Ram-Ram notebook?”Yes, like that only”.  At this, I demonstrated what ROFL means…with only difference that I was not laughing but banging my head (ROFBMH).

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