As I sit in my ergonomically designed chair and look out of my office window (a favourite pastime), my mind wanders to the dangers of being a lawyer in today’s day and age.  While lawyers of the past have faced angry clients and been targeted by hit men, apart from alcoholism and stress-related disorders the modern lawyer faces demons of his own. 

Based on my experiences at Colby, Hewitt and Richards LLP, I present to you a list of the top ten hazards faced by the lawyers of today:

1 Being mistaken for a chair by your myopic, obese boss.

Result:  Seeing stars in the day, wind being knocked out.

Recuperation: 20 minutes. 

2. Creating the perfect document by working 14 hours straight.    

Result: Deep Vein Thrombosis, severe numbness of hindquarters.

Recuperation: 48 hours.

3. Keyboard and BlackBerry overuse.

Result: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, lack of sensation and inabilty to use fingers to change TV channels.

Recuperation: 2 months.

4. Prolonged exposure to landlines.    

Result: Inability to unstick neck from slightly tilted position

Recuperation: 6 months.

5. Lugging your work laptop around everywhere you go.                  

Result: Slipped disc, vertebral sprain

Recuperation: 1 year.

6. Using words like “prima facie” in normal conversation.

Result: Being dumped by your girlfriend/boyfriend.

Recuperation: 3 years. 

7. Walking in on your happily married boss “taking something out of his secretary’s eye”.

Result: Mental scars, underserved promotion.

Recuperation: 5 years.

8. Telling people you enjoy your job.

Result: Sudden increase in workload (since the above translates as you need more to do.)

Recuperation: 7 years.

9. Spending all your waking hours at work with good-looking people.

Result: Career suicide, sexual harassment suits.

Recuperation: 10 years.

10. Zipping up too quickly because of the tight deadline set by demanding client. 

Result: Embarrassing visit to the hospital.

Recuperation: N/A

Hardly a safe workplace environment if you ask me- ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!