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Yippee!!!! You've Got Mail....

With my eyes half open, I checked the time on my cell phone, it was 12:45 PM of Sunday morning. Sorry afternoon (we really need to amend the whole morning, noon and evening thing). What’s the first thing you do after waking up? Most people do some Ramdev yoga or drink water or have a cig. While I wear my specs, open my laptop and check facebook, Gmail and Yahoo mail, my three precious accounts for fun, gossip and work respectively. I noticed that my yahoo account was showing “1 unread message”. It was from “WTF Law Associates” (i.e. We’re The First). “Another rejection”, mumbling to myself, I opened the mail and for 2 nano-seconds it felt as if I have got that happyness which Will Smith is pursuing with his pea-sized kid. I can’t express in words what I felt that time. It was confirmation of internship for 6 weeks. I was not able to believe on my eyes, 6 WEEKS!!! and that too with best law firm of country. I kissed my laptop. I danced like a chimp. I gave my favorite Hindi slangs to the other law firms who rejected me. It was not just an internship, it was a holy grail, the ring from LOR series, it was Helen of Troy. So many a*s-kissing-nerds fight for it every semester, but I got it. Now, “I have the power” (not just the song but in real). 

My mind started dreaming of life-changing things which this tiny little e-mail has attached to it. The chicks of my class will no longer see me as a loser. I will be the flower for honey bees (junior gals). Nerds will write “I QUIT” and hang themselves, Dudes will finally feel inferior. Teachers won’t dare to wake me up during classes and VC won’t fine me for smoking. The registrar will shift his cabin’s A/C to my room; the College band will compose a special soundtrack for my entrance in class and a different one for exit. I won’t have to beg for the notes anymore; they will be gifted to me. No one will ever ask me why I’m late for exams. People will Tweet about me and the facebook account will be flooded by friendship requests. Girls will have cat-fight for my entertainment and there will be bidding for a date with me. Firms will poison their HR’s for rejecting me. Cos now, I have the power (man, I can’t get this song out of my head).

To save the poor HRs, first thing I did was to mail every single firm my “regretful” email, with a tone conveying “suck it, B**ch”.

I had to tell this news to someone and why just someone, to everyone. My chest felt 10 inch broader and I realized that may be this is the last time I’m walking cos from now on people will carry me on my ‘sedan chair’. I went straight away to Einstein’s (the nerdiest of nerds) room. Like always, he was making out (not literally) with books. He gave me a “wtf-this-loser-is-doing-in-my-room” look. I interpreted it and before he could say anything, asked “yaar, do you know if anyone in our college got internship in WTF?He looked at me as if I have asked him if he is still an M-virgin (cos both questions are obvious). “Why?” he fired back another question.  yaar, just like that”. “Dude, don’t even dream about applying there, they rejected ME, you don’t even have a chance unless you are planning to finish this degree in 10 years”.  I wished if I can summon a band before saying “Oh! so no one from our college; damn it! and I was thinking I will have someone to go for cig-breaks”.  Einstein’s face now took a transition from “wtf-this-loser-is-doing-in-my-room” to “wtf-im-doing-in-this-world” look.  I left him alone to arrange for a rope and a marker (to write “I QUIT”).

By the time I reached mess for lunch, the news was everywhere (Oh, I forgot to mention, Einstein is not just the editor of our college journal but also handles the widest possible broadcast of gossips). Everywhere, I could see the small talks going on. I went for an empty table and sat alone. Within a minute, I wasn’t alone and I can hear “
Dude, they pay 20 grands as stipend”, “who cares about stipend idiot, they have sexiest associates”, “someone told me that they have booze-parties every weekend”, “man I knew that this guy is born to do something great”, “yaar, bond hai tu toh”. A chick sitting next to me said “You don’t know but I always had huuuugggeee crush on you, I even get dreams of you whenever I read M&B books” (she didn’t remember now but since first semester she tells everyone that she gets dream of her dog whenever she looks at me cos the name of her dog was “LOSER”).  But I don’t care about the past, now it’s all changed. I’m not Peter Parker anymore, I’m Spiderman. 

When I returned, I saw a group of 15-20 students waiting outside my room. I was told that they want to see how a confirmation email looks like cos they never received any in their entire law school life. Another medal for this brave warrior and why did “Homer” died so early, he should been here to write about me. Everyone surrounded me when I opened the mail and mouths dropped as if they got a glimpse of, you know, of [………] (everyone has their own fav., I can’t generalize this). And the round of praises started again.

Someone pointed out that there is one more unread mail. It was from WTF only. “Must be a plane-ticket or a pre-internship shopping voucher or both” I said.

The email read “Dear blah blah, the earlier email was intended for a student of same name, of your own college, but of junior batch. Please ignore our earlier e-mail and “boo-hooo in your face loser, now get the f**k out of here and don’t even send your shameless CV again” (I don’t remember clear words but the intention was this only). 

I rushed to Einstein’s room to borrow rope and the marker (to write “WTF”)

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