Advocate [...] [...] [...] from [...] High Court. I will be honest and straight to the point. He came to my college to deliver a lecture on [...] law. He told us co-wrote [...]'s [...] law book. I went to discuss my internship with him. My alarm bells should have gone off when he asked me to close the door as the AC was on but since it was his office and the AC was on, I just assumed it was logical and normal. Plus, he has his office in his home. In the next room, in the living room which is at a little elevation, like, you need to walk down the stairs to reach the office but it's not completely the basement, just on a lower plane. The living room looks into the office. So, when I came at the time that I had taken by appointment, I saw his mom, his daughter who went studied law in [...] University and his wife sitting together in the living room and watching TV. I felt a sense of security as there were 3 women there. I went in and after the discussion was over, he proceeded to show me the books on his bookcase, as I had mentioned that I read a lot and would be diligent in reading up on the cases in the course of my internship. He then proceeded to touch me under my shoulder, next to my breast, on my rib cage bone under the pretext of showing me around. I removed his hand and couldn't believe what was happen. It is important to note that I was in my first year. I had been with my parents all my life and was extremely naive. I wasn't even allowed to keep a smartphone till I got into college. I had the dabba phone as for my 10th, 11th and 12th. I was living in the hostel, away from my parents for the first time. And I had made the appointment during office hours. Anyways, I froze in shock. I recalled the lesson we had in 3rd standard about "Good Touch, Bad Touch" but I had no idea if what had happened was normally accepted in society or not. (In a confused state, I later asked my college friend if the ay he touched me was bad or not. I literally demonstrated what happened but I didn't say it happened to me. I said it happened to my hostel friend. She looked at me as if I had gone mad and shouted at me that "Yes! Of course! How can you not know that?! Who did that?" I repeated my practised lines that it didn't happen to me but she doesn't believe it, to this day). That bastard kept his expressions perfectly normal as if it was understood that I had come for sexual favours or something. I feel rage, anger and hopelessness as I write this. I still remember how I was feeling that day. I was so confused and he kept on touching me there. Being the frightened, frozen, confused idiot I was, i simply didn't know how to react. Plus, his home was on [...] highway. Inside a colony. It was quite silent and my mind was swirling. During all this time, he kept on conversing as if everything was perfectly normal. He talked about how he came from a family of lawyers. His dad was a lawyer, as was his grandfather. And in the middle of all this, he talked about HIS DAUGHTERS! Can you imagine what a lowly creep he is?! He talked about how his daughter was in [...]. She studied in [...]. She got in due to his reference etc. Then he proceeded to tell me a list of Must-Read books. I opened my book that I had marked for "Internship". It was a new Classmate book and like a small, school child I had marked everything properly. I can't believe how naive, innocent and even worse, sincere I was about all this. I left the first page and started writing the list of books from the second page as we all do in a fair copy. When I sat down, on the pretext of checking the spelling (Seriously?!), he came and sat next to me. He pretended I had made a mistake and on the pretext of pointing that out he reached towards my copy and started touching me near my vagina. You know where the small pockets are in womens' jeans? There. By this time, I was thoroughly scared and frozen. i kept looking at the door but could not move. I kept removing his hand, shuffling in my seat, trying to be polite. I had literally no guts to stand up for myself. I was scared that he might pin me down and rape me if I made a move for the door. I literally thought this was it. I was going to get raped today. And in the closed office surrounded by silence, which, by the way, did not have glass walls as in other corporate cubicles, it was like a room, I will be molested and assaulted and if I made a move, I would be killed. So, I kept pushing his hand away , either from my pelvic-area, near to my vagina, or my the area next to my bra cup. This "His touching Me and Me trying to push it away" kept happening for a good 15 minutes. 15 MINUTES.(It seems surreal but the flight or freeze option when presented with a threat is very real. I have always thought of myself as a brave girl, someone who has been called strong an courageous and I was so ashamed of myself for not acting in that way. In a way, I still am. I still blame myself for not being better prepared at "duniyadaari", not having strong reflexes etc. ) I was so numb and by this time, I was working on autopilot. the voice inside my head told me to make a move, but it was getting engulfed by fear and foreboding. I almost felt that I would faint due to the anxiety and paranoia I had. Probably due to my body being in a state of active alert and responding by increasing cortisol and adrenaline. Just at that time, my mother called. I had told her about this interview. I had even shared the name of the Ola/Jugnoo Rickshaw Rider I was in as [...] Highway is a very far place. I had given her a time of 1 hour. That I would call her immediately when I went on the road to book another rickshaw. My mother later told me that she had a feeling of unease and she felt that she needed to call me. I had told everyone to not disturb me but she still did. i guess it was her mother's intuition. And as soon as I heard the phone ring, it was like the immobility paralysis/spell of numbness broke and I regained my ability to act and not be resigned to fate. I got the pretext of walking up and walking away without raising suspicion. I was so paranoid that I if I acted suddenly or in a manner that clearly showed how threatened I felt and how I badly I wanted to run away, he would pounce on me. I was so so relieved to hear her voice. She talked to me and I saw him straighten up from the corner of my eye. I just made up stuff on the phone that "Haan, OMG what happened? I'll be there. Okay, No Problem, I'm just leaving". I didn't cut the phone. I couldn't tell her to "Don't cut the phone" so I just kept the phone on. I just made some polite courtesy stuff "Thank you Sir but I will have to leave because ______ happened." He was like, "Ohh, so early? Okay, No problem. You can go". He said "YOU CAN GO" I was so shocked with fear when I heard that. My mother literally saved my life today. Then he said, "But first let us take a selfie before you go". And I didn't want to record my interaction with him. But then I thought what if he has a camera here and was recording everything? So, he took out his phone and took a selfie with me. I forced myself to smile when I was having heart angina. (I was first diagnosed in 11th when I almost fainted due to anxiety in the September Semester exams. My doctor said it's anxiety) I just wanted everything to get over and wanted to get out of that cursed house and society as soon as possible. I still remember his facial expressions and his intimidating and scary body language. He clicked a stupid selfie and then went for another as he felt it was not good. I was so scared I got another clicked and picked my book, my pen, my bag and went straight to the door. Opened it and didn't look up. While going out, I could see that his another daughter had come and now there were 4 women in the living room. It made me sick and disgusted that he did all this when they: his daughters, his mother, his wife were in the next room. I didn't trust them to complain to them. I thought they perhaps knew of his nature and were silently accepting and complicit of his predatorial nature. Maybe his daughters had gone through the same or maybe they might literally pin me down and kill me if I said anything. I still remember my knees shaking as I slipped into my loafers. I still remember how it was not properly fitted around the soles of my feet but I stumbled out. My heart was pounding and I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I still remember my shaking hands opening the door. I wasn't able to pull it properly as I felt so weak and numb. I saw a servant of his house and I walked faster after seeing him. I didn't slow down until I was out of the society/colony as I was scared if anything happened to me, in that silent society, where I could just see houses and couldn't see anybody out strolling, NOBODY would come help me. I didn't even adjust the soles of my loafers/ballet flats till I had walked out on the road/for a good 10 minutes. Only then did I stop to adjust the soles of my shoes and called up my mom. I explained to her what all had happened and cried a lot. My mom cried and was furious. She told me to tell dad. I couldn't bear the shame to tell my dad. In a way, I felt I had dishonoured HIM and brought him shame due to my weakness. If I was stronger and smarter, I would have understood everything and got the f out immediately. Also, my dad is in a very prominent position so I felt the public shame and disgrace would be unbearable. I am from a conservative family and community so that made me numb with what I perceived as the shame of my actions. I then called my brother who couldn't pick up. Then I called our family friends- an uncle -aunty I am very close to and who, have treated me like their own daughter. I didn't want to call any other family members apart from my immediate family members as I didn't want to dishonour my family. What if the person I told this let it slip my mistake? There would be a huge issue created. Me going out to another state- [...] to study, live in a hostel was a big deal in itself. Anyways, this elderly couple who have thought of me like their own daughter hold prominent government positions. They immediately went to my father's office and explained to him what happened. They even explained why I wasn't able to tell him directly. My father was very sad that this happened to his daughter. My father is loved, respected and admired by everyone. Everyone knows his character and can attest to the fact that he has never even laid eyes on another woman, mistreated even a daily wage labourer, forget about sexually assaulting a woman. He calls all servants by "aap". I have even heard my housemaids say this that "Sahib's home is one of the safest places we work at. He doesn't even enter the room where we work. Unlike XYZ where he looks at us creepily" I heard them on my way to the kitchen when they were all making pickles. They were conversing in Hindi. I just mentioned this incident to highlight just how conservative we are. At my home, "Purdah" is also followed. Anyways, being brought up in this environment, I was shocked at what happened. I had heard and read about sexual assault but hadn't even KNOWN anybody who went through it. I was living a very sheltered life, shielded from the realities of the world. I never had a boyfriend. Anyways, my brother came to know about this and all hell broke loose. I am quite young as compared to him. He's like an ACP. I can't divulge his real position. So he asked me for his contact details. I was frightened and didn't want to cause a scandal so I refused to give it to him. By this time, I was back at the hostel. I remember sitting on the bed hearing him say he would anyways find it in seconds. I remember putting [...] [...]'s card on my bed and clicking a picture and sending it to my brother. He didn't know that my father and brother and extended members in my father's as well as mother's family are in very prominent positions in the government, police and armed forces or else he wouldn't have dared do something like this. This is not something that I am proud of because it highlights the pathetic state of affairs in our country where "Might is Right" but this is what happens. My brother then talked to him. He wouldn't tell me what he told but a fewer years later he told me that he had threatened him with dire consequences (his life) and talked about sending some goons to rough him up. Before that, I had messaged on [...] [...]'s number only for confirming the appointment and confirming the address. For 2 days, there was silence. then on the 3rd day, despite my brother threatening him with dire consequences he messaged me. I asked him to never contact me again and blocked his number. Now, I am lucky that I was born in a family that had the money, power, the right caste and religion but I shudder to think about what would have happened if my mother hadn't called at the right time. And if I was a girl who did not have the privilege that I do, there would be no consequences for this disgusting, vile bastard. Atleast I know that if, God Forbid, something had happened to me, my brother would have ordered his killing. This incident has been horrible for my mental health. I have become extremely paranoid. I put alarms on my phone whenever I go out. I share the name, photo, number of the rickshaw if I take any. I don't take cabs because I feel a rickshaw is safer as I can jump out one. I have stopped even trying to get an internship under a male advocate unless he knows my family personally. I only intern under female advocates. I only go out in groups with my female friends or with my family. I don't stay out after sunset. I try to look as inconspicuous as possible. It is important to note that my hair was plaited in a braid, I was fearing full formal pants and a full length, 3/4 sleeved opaque kurti along with a scarf when I went to meet that fucking pig. It was afternoon as I had gone directly from college. And when I came back, the sun was up in the sky. I am still shaken by that incident and don't go for internships outside my hometown or with people I don't know. My anxiety has worsened and I have been told to go for therapy. For many years, after that incident, I kept following up on rape and murder cases and sexual assault cases so that I never let my guard down. So that I would always be alert. It was horrible and it made me relive all those frightening memories but I felt it was for my own good as I was always on guard when I read them. It however made my anxiety, paranoia worse and one psychiatrist diagnosed me with clinical depression. I haven't attended a single fresher's or farewell party after that incident. In one of the sessions with my psychiatrist, i finally came to terms with the fact that I wasn't wrong, this wretched weasel predator was the one who was wrong. I remember I was asked to introduce the guest speakers who came for seminars and extra classes or other functions as my communication was good. I was told to prepare an introduction for someone. When I asked and found that this bastard was coming back, I excused myself from the hosting and stayed absent that day as I did not want to accidentally be seen by him. My grandparents came to know about this and my suspicions came true. They felt that I had dishonored our glorious family name and there was no need for me to go to college. My kakas and buaas would give me the side eye. So, I had to live in my own home as if I was walking on eggshells. I had to double down on my good behaviour, punctuality, discipline, fully covering myself at all times, my capris got replaced with full length salwar suits when I was at home, I couldn't stand in my own balcony if someone started staring as I would be the one who would be blamed. I had to attend all kirtans, bhajans ceremonies at our house and couldn't talk to my neighbourhood boys who I had grown up with. Not that I am not religious, it's just that my freedom has been constrained to an unbelievable extent. I had to go home on the first day of my holidays itself. And after this incident, I was removed from the hostel and was made to live with a distant aunt who lived in the same city. I don't think I will be even allowed to practise in a city of my choice, let alone a metro. It makes me so mad that these bastards, perverts and beasts get away with anything and everything while the victims are policed and shamed. They lose their lives, their health, their strength, their respect in the eyes of others, their dreams, their peace of mind and much more while these demons' lives are not affected in the slightest. I hope he goes to hell and dies a thousand deaths everyday. I hope he too goes through sexual assault and goes through the same fear paralysis I went through and dies from the ensuing heart attack. (No, I don't have it in me to not wish him that. I am not that forgiving) I hope he is publicly shamed and stoned to death. Monsters like these have made lives of countless women hell. Abuse of Power is real and commonplace. There is nothing worse than preying on young, vulnerable girls. May he die a slow, painful death and rot in hell for eternity.
Apologies for the delay in moderating your post. First, we are so sorry for your experience and hope you can find ways of coming to terms with what happened, definitely not blame yourself and eventually also lead a happier life that is free of fear.
If there is any way that you can discreetly find therapy or counselling or someone to talk to about this, it may also really help you process what happened. However, it also sounds like you have grown into a much more confident young woman than perhaps you had thought was possible after the events you describe.
Finally, apologies for redacting several potentially identifying details, including the advocate's name. Unfortunately we are not in a position at the moment to do what would be required for us to publish his identity. However, if you wish to go public with your account and his identity, that is not to say that journalists, other publications and even many other advocates and students in the profession would not be willing to help you and advise you on how to proceed.
All the best for your future life and more power to you, whatever it is you decide to do.
Just reading this gave me anxiety and scares (I'm a male). I can't imagine having to act perfectly normally as she did when someone this deranged is engaging in criminal and inappropriate sexual conduct.
I hope you're able to come to terms with the incident and overcome it.
What saddens me even more than this incident is the fact that some family members hold dear notions of honour and reputation and impose the burden of maintaining them on women. Because of one predator acting on his intentions, a promising young lawyer is forced to limit her career progression options, when she could have been another reason for a girl somewhere to don the black coat.
At the very least, her parents and siblings were extremely supportive and supported her. While I understand that is how it should be, it begs the question - what would the consequences have been if her immediate family (siblings, parents, uncles/aunts) hadn't been supportive of her?
I empathize. If only wishes came true. Littlefinger had wisely and succinctly put it: "there is no justice in this world, not unless we make it" And that justice can and should be deeply personal and not what dressed up power brokers and predators whether in bar, bench and in other hallowed spaces, dictate it to be.
Bobbit the hell out. Just don't get caught. Don't wait for God or saviour. But do bide for your time to strike.
YES, put some hint, you'll be saved and people would be aware, otherwise truly speaking dear it didnt help anyone, might have helped to vent out but to others hearing, it just sounds like a story with some identification for individual.
Please give out the name of this monster, so other girls can feel safe,
R, even courts publish names of rapists/ molestors in orders even in the first few hearings. It is wrong to publish the VICTIMS name, not this monster lawyer
What an awful ordeal to go through. I want to say something uncomfortable to you. It's not just this man but also your family that has let you down. We live in a sexist world and are in a profession that hates women. Over time, you'll need to internalise the fact that no part of it was your fault and that although that asshole should be ashamed, it's possible he will never be and likely that he has done this to a hundred other women. Whether he changes or not, the important thing is for you to be able to heal and move through the world, and ideally flourish in the profession. A part of that is also handling your family strategically so that you are not punished for being a women in a shitty world. I'm so sorry you are going through this love. All I can say is try to search for non-judgmental support. When something like this happens, you don't want a patriarchal response of protecting you like you are family property, you want people who tell you it is not your fault and help you back to a place in which you remember that you are brilliant and capable. You can find that in good therapy and over time in your women lawyer friends if you choose them well. Over time, I just stopped telling my parents these things because while they love me, they rarely knew what would help me. I used to brainstorm what to do with women who understood and wanted me to succeed, and I'd just tell my parents it was a bad day/ week and let them feed me and give me affection.
I understand what she is going through and so does R, but it makes no sense to publish the name because - no matter how harsh this sounds - we don't know how credible this is and at this point it's just an allegation.
This individual sounds like a serial molester. If this is actually true, I'm pretty sure there will be others out there who have faced something similar or even worse.
The OP can atleast make an anonymous Twitter ID and post the sensitive information under #MeToo, and then the link can be shared to this thread too. I don't think it'll really affect LI's policy adversely. Is that doable @LegallyIndia_Mod?
I mean, there has to be further inspection on this, right?
If there is any way that you can discreetly find therapy or counselling or someone to talk to about this, it may also really help you process what happened. However, it also sounds like you have grown into a much more confident young woman than perhaps you had thought was possible after the events you describe.
Finally, apologies for redacting several potentially identifying details, including the advocate's name. Unfortunately we are not in a position at the moment to do what would be required for us to publish his identity. However, if you wish to go public with your account and his identity, that is not to say that journalists, other publications and even many other advocates and students in the profession would not be willing to help you and advise you on how to proceed.
All the best for your future life and more power to you, whatever it is you decide to do.
Atleast that way you would have been able to publish the list of predators that you have moderated as “contested”
do you mind revealing the name of the state this happened in?
I hope you're able to come to terms with the incident and overcome it.
What saddens me even more than this incident is the fact that some family members hold dear notions of honour and reputation and impose the burden of maintaining them on women. Because of one predator acting on his intentions, a promising young lawyer is forced to limit her career progression options, when she could have been another reason for a girl somewhere to don the black coat.
At the very least, her parents and siblings were extremely supportive and supported her. While I understand that is how it should be, it begs the question - what would the consequences have been if her immediate family (siblings, parents, uncles/aunts) hadn't been supportive of her?
Bobbit the hell out. Just don't get caught. Don't wait for God or saviour. But do bide for your time to strike.
PS: Some hints would be appreciated mod
R, even courts publish names of rapists/ molestors in orders even in the first few hearings. It is wrong to publish the VICTIMS name, not this monster lawyer
The OP can atleast make an anonymous Twitter ID and post the sensitive information under #MeToo, and then the link can be shared to this thread too. I don't think it'll really affect LI's policy adversely. Is that doable @LegallyIndia_Mod?
I mean, there has to be further inspection on this, right?