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If there is any way that you can discreetly find therapy or counselling or someone to talk to about this, it may also really help you process what happened. However, it also sounds like you have grown into a much more confident young woman than perhaps you had thought was possible after the events you describe.
Finally, apologies for redacting several potentially identifying details, including the advocate's name. Unfortunately we are not in a position at the moment to do what would be required for us to publish his identity. However, if you wish to go public with your account and his identity, that is not to say that journalists, other publications and even many other advocates and students in the profession would not be willing to help you and advise you on how to proceed.
All the best for your future life and more power to you, whatever it is you decide to do.
Atleast that way you would have been able to publish the list of predators that you have moderated as ācontestedā
OP here. Since my account was not published, I had felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I would constantly refresh the website after I submitted my experience to see if it was published or not. After multiple months, it just made me relive the trauma and feel extremely disheartened so I stopped searching if my submission had been published. To be honest, I stopped reading Legally India completely unless I searched something and it appeared on the results page. I used to read your website religiously before š
Since the last 3 days, reading about a rape triggered memories of this horrifying event and I went through many different accounts of sexual harassment that were reported on your website. I just had a gut feeling to do so. Idk why since we read about many such cases but I had a very strong urge to go through all sexual harassment accounts reported. It makes sense now. I was going through each result and just randomly clicked on the link lower on the search results page and I was kinda shocked but also pleasantly surprised to see you had finally published my account. I realized this was my account as I started reading this. And despite feeling that I was over this trauma, I broke down and started crying.
I totally understand why you took so much time š since journalists have to verify their news. You must receive a flood of emails and messages every single day and I can see why you took the time to publish it. I completely understand why you didnāt publish his name. I just wanted to highlight this to warn other girls who might want to intern or work under him. To warn them of his predatory nature and to advise them to ALWAYS take someone with them if they ever were to go to his office or home-office. Be it your parents, friends, classmates or just go in groups since thereās safety in numbers.
I was thinking of making this public with his and my identity both, all the proofs, receipts, screenshots, witness statements, everything. But I was talked out of this again by a family friend saying she wouldnāt advice women to do that. At that point, I was very attached to her and looked upto her for all kinds of advice and followed her what she said for everything so backed down.
Thank you for your kind thoughts, advice and suggestions. Yes, I have grown to be a more confident person. Mostly on account of the sheer rage I felt after going to therapy and working on myself and understanding that this was not my fault at all. And working on different sexual harassment/assault/abuse/rape cases over the years.
Thank you for publishing this. Seeing my submission up her made me feel supported, better and lighter. šš»š§æšš¦šŖ·
OP here. I just went through the comments on this post and other threads and found out that Kian has left LI and in his place, thereās a team that handles all these submissions. Everyone was addressing someone called R. It struck me after sometime that I mistakenly addressed you as Kian in the comments I posted in response to yours earlier š Sorry for that
Anyways, a big thank you to you for publishing this, even if quite late š As they say, better late than never. Thank you for your advice and all your kind words as well as your words of caution, wisdom and support. Thank you so much for all your efforts, initiative and service š§æšš»šš¦šŖ·šŖ¬
Just wanted to share my experience so that other girls take the utmost precautions and care with him. Since his name isnāt published, just keep in mind to never go alone to a male advocateās office without a trusted family member/friend, always inform your parents or whoever you trust the most about your location and other details and donāt make the mistake I did and have your phone away from you. I kept my phone away and took my notebook since they taught us in our college that you should never have your phone out in front of visiting advocates who take guest lectures, even for taking notes on the notes app. I still feel that if I had my phone in my hand, he wouldnāt have touched me as aggressively. I still remember his claw-like grip that got harder to remove after each time. It was like a sick game wherein every time I would pry open his fingers to remove his hand, he would start again after some time. At first the time duration between 2 such attempts was a few minutes, then it got reduced to a couple of minutes and then a few seconds. And each time his grip hardened and became more and more difficult to remove. I remember thinking about the words: ātalon like gripā even in my dazed, confused and immobile state when I was frozen with fear. I still remember how bad my breastbone and the bone under my shoulder, directly under my underarm and directly parallel to my breast hurt. Have you ever had an injury where you fell down and directly hurt your bone, without any tissue or fat to soften the blow? Like on your knees, elbows, it hurt that horribly after the repeated gripping. And this was one of the actions that ring alarm bells in my head. He was gaslighting me to accept and feel that this was something normal and his hand placement on my thigh, closer to my waist, since I had the notebook on my thigh, was something normal. Like for the first few times, when I didnāt even register that he was touching me inappropriately since I genuinely thought he was merely missing the notebook, I removed his hand in the area between my waist and my thigh and pointed to the notebook and offered him my pen if he wanted to make any correction. Itās only after the couple of times did it strike what was happening. In my dazed and bewildered state, I gaslit myself into thinking his hand was slipping from the notebook but what really snapped me into reality was when he gripped my breastbone and was slowly inching towards my breast. My brain which had almost shut down thought about why was he touching here? My pen and notebook are here. And slowly it dawned upon me. I later understood why his hands were positioned the way they were. So in his home office, his desk and the two chairs in front of his desk are directly across the glass door which directly looks on to the living room. I could see his daughter, mother and wife sitting on the sofa almost directly in front of me. And I assume they could too. The sofa in his office, on the other hand, is placed at the end of the room, many feet away from the glass door entrance to his office. And one canāt see directly onto the living room since thereās a lot of room in between. So he asked me to go and sit on the sofa so Iād be comfortable. I remember saying that, āItās okay Sir, Iām comfortable hereā. He requested again to which I said I really was comfortable and back and forth a couple of times. At that time I felt this was odd since there was no logical explanation or reasoning but he was being very insistent and persistent so I went and sat on the sofa. I remember being a tad bit annoyed and confused since I was comfortable in that chair and my bag was in the next chair and when he got up from his chair behind the desk and motioned me to go across and sit on the sofa, his posture and body language was very intimidating and assertive and I somehow felt I shouldnāt anger him by repeating myself again. I didnāt like that my bag stayed on the chair. I wanted it next to me since it had my mobile and all but I kept it to myself since I was a little afraid. He motioned me to sit and I remember he asked me to sit in the furthest corner of the sofa. Now that I look back in hindsight, I realize that it was the point farthest away from the door. At this point I had sat and he was standing so there was this physical intimidating presence as well and I felt I should just do as Iām told. He sat down next to him. I was seated to his left. He crossed his arms one over the another. He made the bullshit correcting my spelling excuse. And with his left hand crossed over his right hand, he started touching me with the fingers on his right hand. Looking back in hindsight, I see why. He removed me from a position where I could be seen by anyone roaming around the house to the farthest corner of his office where one couldnāt peep through. He used his hand to cover his other hand and aggressively touched me with the fingers of his hand so that he could retract his hand immediately if anyone suddenly came and it would be that much harder for someone who had just entered the room to figure out what was happening since it would look like me with my notebook out on my lap taking notes, him on my right with his hands crossed dictating supposed ānotesā. His servant had come bearing a tray with water glasses and his posture had immediately shifted and changed.
do you mind revealing the name of the state this happened in?
OP here. Yes, Gujaratās supposed to be relatively safer, and to an extent is, when compared to places like Haryana, Bihar etc. Like in the city I was in, my friends and classmates who were locals told me I could stay out till 10 pm without any worries, especially in the new areas, just had to avoid the old city areas. However, this happened at his house, which is in a very posh society, during afternoon. I couldnāt have predicted this as this wasnāt a seedy alley in a dangerous area at night m. Which is why I had my guard down
I hope you're able to come to terms with the incident and overcome it.
What saddens me even more than this incident is the fact that some family members hold dear notions of honour and reputation and impose the burden of maintaining them on women. Because of one predator acting on his intentions, a promising young lawyer is forced to limit her career progression options, when she could have been another reason for a girl somewhere to don the black coat.
At the very least, her parents and siblings were extremely supportive and supported her. While I understand that is how it should be, it begs the question - what would the consequences have been if her immediate family (siblings, parents, uncles/aunts) hadn't been supportive of her?
I have regained most of confidence back but still this incident has really affected my life and the way I behave in relation with almost everyone else around me. It has definitely affected my formal, informal and professional relationships immensely and the constant cloud of fear that hangs in the air whenever I meet someone new.
Looking back even I donāt know how I managed to keep a calm, neutral tone and face when inside I felt like I was going to pass out. I was just listening to my intuition and following whatever my inner voice was telling me to do. Later on, I learnt that Flight or Fight are not just the only Fear Responses. There are actually 4. The remaining being Freeze and Fawn. And these 2 are seen most commonly in women. Many a times women will freeze and will not be able to respond to the sudden shock of sexual violence they encounter since their brain shuts down. The amount of cortisol that floods the body in such situations is very high and dangerous and so the brain will numb the response to preserve the body. Many women are unable to even move an inch. The other response is Fawn, wherein the victim will try to do as the perpetrator says and try not to anger him so that he doesnāt hurt her more. This is also seen and documented in victims of sexual assault and violence. Especially in human trafficking when theyāre out in public yet the woman doesnāt ever ask for help since she feels sheāll survive and live if she follows and doesnāt want to invite his wrath and more harm upon herself. This is why many women just go along with whatever is being asked of them in a paralyzed daze.
Well there still was the underlying current amongst my family members of these notions of honour. The community I come from is very orthodox, conservative and violent. Honour Killing is very rampant and common. And in this case where the family knows that it wasnāt their daughterās fault and since there is no basis for honour killing, since I did not elope with a guy of another caste or someone of the same caste who did not have my familyās approval or whatever, if my family was not supportive, I wouldāve been married off at the earliest since I was technically an adult. So I wouldāve been married off and not allowed to continue my education. I would be recounted as an example of not letting your daughters study too much or send your daughters to college, lest in another city/state. I wouldāve been passed on as an inconvenient burden to my husband and I would be his headache now. Of course, it wouldāve been an arranged marriage.
And this is still rampant. Whatās more, I heard it myself. A meeting of all the elders in the family, our close friends, respected heads of our community who hold high positions, was called. One elderly man straight up asked my father, āWhy not marry her off?ā My father was a bit startled and taken aback but put his down and was firm in his stance that sheāll first complete her education before I even think of marriage. She should have a basic degree first so she can support herself later if needed. And though it was unspoken but I knew that I was lucky enough š§æ to not be married off against my wishes. But we all know how familial pressure is. Especially in large families where 20 different people have an opinion on your life and seek to control it
Bobbit the hell out. Just don't get caught. Don't wait for God or saviour. But do bide for your time to strike.
I thought of telling his daughters, atleast the one who practices in the ā®ā®ā® and goes around giving interviews ā®ā®ā®. Part of me wanted to warn her of her fatherās true nature so that she could steer clear of him, another part wanted to see if she would take any action against him or atleast call him out and another part wanted me to expose him to his daughters, if they didnāt know what a perverted creep molester and abuser their dad was already. ā®ā®ā® A part of me hesitated wondering if she knew about his perversions and creepy behaviour. Since all his actions looked very rehearsed, calculated and practiced. Itās almost impossible to be so precise, surgical, progress everything step by step methodically, and most importantly, to have the SHEER AUDACITY to start touching and molesting someone young enough to be his granddaughter without prior experience and practice. Iām sure he has had many previous victims as well. Anyways, I hope for her sake, she didnāt face these things at the hand of this ugly, fuck faced pos she calls her father.
Part of me wanted to tell this to her ā®ā®ā® years ago when she got engaged ā®ā®ā®. And again around ā®ā®ā® years ago when she got married to him. Part of me thought to tell her since she would have a kid and God Forbid if she had a daughter and he tried to molest her. Thereās no telling how low these rabid monsters go. Who would suspect the maternal grandfather? Moreover she wouldnāt be able to say or do anything except cry. However, I was talked out of this by my family friend since we didnāt know if we could trust her. What if she tried harder to suppress this info and shield and protect her father?
I agree with everything you said. He deserves to be peeled like an onion till he bleeds out
PS: Some hints would be appreciated mod
I can give you all his details. His name, address, office, everything. As mentioned by AshReh and the LI team, I had provided all identifiable details but they were redacted due to the reasons theyāve mentioned which I understand
R, even courts publish names of rapists/ molestors in orders even in the first few hearings. It is wrong to publish the VICTIMS name, not this monster lawyer
Omg, thank you so so much for such a lovely, kind and thoughtful comment. Thank you so much. Your words truly mean a lot šš»šŖ·šø
Yes, I do agree with most of your points. I realized what you said during extensive therapy. The anger my family felt was obviously out of love, care, affection and concern about me but also why would he target someone so naive, introverted and simple minded? And then I understood thatās exactly why he targeted me. I was introverted, would speak little, the notion of how good and decent girls act was drilled into me since childhood which also, unfortunately, makes you an easy target for molesters and rapists. I literally didnāt know much of the world. My life literally was school to home to school. What little I knew was in the presence of my family. So I was woefully ill prepared to face the real world. But this guy was praised to the high heavens by our teachers, he took guest lectures in our college so obviously a student whoās barely turned an adult would associate him as a teacher and this, a trustworthy and reliable, safe figure. Thatās why even whatever little guard I might have had up was down and I became and even easier target.
Also, agreeing to your point, the sheer rage and anger my family felt was also since I come from a powerful family and my family felt that this would atleast somewhat protect me. My community is very strong and powerful as well and usually people stay clear and donāt mess with us since we have no problems in committing murders, going to jail and being violent overall. So the entire community took it as a personal insult and attack. Also, my family also felt that all the hardwork they had done their entire life to get a good education, earn money (all white, unlike some goons we know), work honestly despite immense pressure to engage in corruption, get into and maintain positions of power while acting lawfully despite facing multiple transfers as a result thereof, was to no avail and did not protect their daughter. They felt so hopeless that we could not protect her.
It took me a long time to accept and convince myself that it was truly not my fault. Like deep down, I kept making excuses for this monster that maybe if I had worn a salwar suit with a dupatta across my chest instead of a thick, baggy, oversized loose T-shirt whose sleeves reached my elbows, under which I was wearing a camisole just in case, or if I had waited till my mother was in town to go to his home office, I wouldnāt have faced this. Since that is what some people had murmured and I heard them.
So it took me a long time to actual truly convince myself that none of this was my fault in the slightest. I firmly believe that even if a woman is naked that does not give anyone the right to molest her and it does not mean that sheās asking for it. But since we live in the kind of society we live in, I felt the need to highlight the clothes I was wearing so that some self declared judges of character wouldnāt judge me on that. It was a thick T-shirt and I was wearing a camisole underneath and had a scarf over it like a wrapped dupatta so thereās no way my bra outline was visible in any way, shape or form. I went during broad daylight while his entire family was in the next room. When I came back, it was still broad daylight. I behaved in a decent and respectful manner and no action of mine whether it be from the time I told his servant that I had an appointment when he asked me who I was to the time I left could be remotely construed as āaskingā for it.
Anyways, so after lots of counseling, and time spent in therapy, healing activities I was able to actually convince my own inner self and that I was worthy of basic human decency, and respect.
The OP can atleast make an anonymous Twitter ID and post the sensitive information under #MeToo, and then the link can be shared to this thread too. I don't think it'll really affect LI's policy adversely. Is that doable @LegallyIndia_Mod?
I mean, there has to be further inspection on this, right?
This is similar to what I was thinking of doing. I actually wanted to go to the cops. I had the political backing and contacts in the police to do so. And I was thinking of doing this exactly around the time this comment was posted but I just stumbled across this today so didnāt know my submission was published. Then I thought I should atleast write a social media post using a fake profile but then I thought back to how my submission to Legally India was not posted so this wouldnāt be posted either or would be taken down on complaints (At that point, I didnāt know that Legally India had published my submission since I had stopped reading this and had really lost all hope that it would see the light of day. I genuinely thought my submission was deleted or something) And when I confused in my plans to the family friend Iāve mentioned in the other comments I have left, she talked me out of it so I reluctantly dropped it. However, in the back of my mind I always felt that this was extremely unfair and emotionally debilitating to bear and think about so I tried to shut it out and focus on other areas of my life but I never really stopped thinking this was necessary and needed and important to go though with
As far your observation about him being a serial molester, youāre absolutely on point. Thereās no way that a person can be so manipulative, scheming, conniving, lay out his plan in advance, have the confidence and SHEER AUDACITY to do this while his wife and daughters and mom are in the next room and plan his movements and ask him to shift to a location here he wouldnāt be visible, touch me with his hand hidden by his arm, and be so nonchalant, and normal all the while smiling and gaslighting me into thinking nothing was out of the ordinary if he hadnāt already tried this with others and gotten away with it with impunity. He likely felt that he had successfully zeroed down on a weak, vulnerable, timid and pliant target who wouldnāt make a fuss or squeak about this to anyone and all would be swept under the rug once again as would have been the case with his other victims. This is because rapists and sexual abusers, assaulters and molesters always start small and progress towards committing bigger acts each time. This has been well researched and documented in numerous studies. Almost (adding almost just to include exceptions though Iām pretty sure there are none ) No one, not a single rapist has ever committed a full fledged rape as his first crime. They always start small. Then Commit related crimes and then commit rapes. His actions were very precise and well practiced and almost rehearsed like he had done this many times before
I understand why youād feel that way. But lucky for me, I have screenshots of chats, my ride that I booked that day, call recordings since at that time I was using an Android which had automatic call record option turned on, call recordings when I called him to say that I was running late and Iād I needed to change the appointment timings and he had said, āOhh thereās no need blah blah. Come araam se etc etc. Call recording of when I called him from inside my ride asking for directions since the location that the app had picked up was off by quite a few distance and I couldnāt find his house and he guided me to his house. My mum, when I had told her about the interview had told me to ask him if he had any female interns and she had insisted that this be asked since she was not comfortable with letting me intern in a place with only men. And he had said yes and that he had ā®ā®ā® daughters and I would need to come to his home office only since he predominantly worked from there and not his chambers in the High Court and that his daughters would be around when I came over for the interview. This was also on record. And when I entered, in the beginning, he mentioned about his daughters and asked me if I had met them in the living room while they were huddled on the sofa and I told him I saw one. And he said the other 2 women were his wife and mother. I had smiled at them out of courtesy and even at his weird, creepy servant at the start when I was blissfully unaware of the horrors about to unfold later. I have a call recording from that when I called my mother and recounted everything, when I called up my Aunty whoās my family friend and recounted everything to uncle and Aunty, call recording of her telling me that they had talked to my father and advising me to leave for my hostel immediately, not wait for ride to arrive and instead flag down any auto on the road, call recordings of people asking me if I had made home safely, if there had been any communication from him, call recordings of my brother cursing him and threatening him with dire consequences if he dared to contact me again, screenshots of him texting me again, me telling him not to contact me again, photos of his house at that day and time, other videos, photos and recordings, my selfies, him coming to my college, my refusal to attend college the day he came again. My attendance record in which that day is marked absent and I never stayed absent for college since I absolutely loved to attend all my lectures. I would sit on the first benches and loved to take notes. I hated skipping that day since I would then have to ask notes from others. All this and more is recorded, saved and backed up across multiple places. This information is available with multiple members of my family and trusted people in multiple different forms so yes, I have ample proof but I was talked out of going public with this information due to notions of shame and honour especially for a girl in our society. Recordings of my consultations with my therapists, psychologists, counselors whom I sought to make sense of this and to stop the panic attacks I had immediately afterwards. My anxiety was at an all time high at that time, me confining in my trusted family members and friends, diary entries, witness statements from the people I talked to about this, call recordings with even the trustworthy goons my brother had talked to to protect me and destroy him if he ever tried to get close to me again and much much more.
So yes, I have more than enough proof to prove it was him. Moreover, Iād openly challenge this fucktard to go through Narco analysis and lie detector tests if he dared
This was horrifying to read. Hope youāre in a good place now, OP
OP here. Thank you for your concern and kind words šš»šŖ·šø Yes, Iām in a much better place right now.
I completely agree. This is why itās so important to be street smart. Since I was a kid, I was a bookworm. I loved to study, followed whatever my teachers said religiously and toed the line completely. Whatever ideals and ethics lessons we were taught at school, I took them quite literally. Even my CLAT coaching teacher called me, ātoo idealisticā. I genuinely believed that, āTruth alone triumphsā, āGood always wins over evilā and other such stuff you learn from childhood, in the stories youāre taught with a moral lesson, in the ethics and morals classes at school as well as college.
At law school, I would readily buy into the lofty ideals written into our constitution, judgements, BCI rules and I would feel so good about how our Judiciary held itself to such impeccable standards. How despite our legislature and executive being too far gone, our Judiciary was still standing as the last beacon of hope. Especially when youāre fed all such unicorns and rainbows and more by your law school teachers who paint a very rosy picture when youāre a first year and theyāre trying to retain you so that you donāt change colleges. (I got to know this later from a senior who stayed in my hostel). And when you read books on legendary judges and lawyers, theyāre described as other-worldly and almost divine by their colleagues.
Plus, I was the quintessential teacherās pet in school. I used to top my exams, carry odd errands around the school for my teachers, participate in whatever competition and workshop they asked me to when they didnāt have any other student takers since they had a quota to complete for student participation and burn myself out just to please them. I remember how deeply ingrained and imprinted were the ideals theyād taught us since kindergarten. āGuru-Shishya Paramparaā, āGurur Brahma Gurur Vishnu, Gurur Devo Maheshwaraā, āHow the stature and place of a teacher is even above your parents and just below Godā. I still remember the poster on the corridor where my 8th std classroom was. It described the meaning of āGuru: Gu + Ru = One Who Removes Darknessā. A common complaint my mum had throughout my schooling years was, whatever her teachers tell her, she takes it literally as if itās set in stone. Sheāll run around at the last minute, at midnight, if her teacher tells her to participate in something at the last minute. My mum finally got fed up of my 7th std class teacher making me do her errands around the school, checking her papers and books, and told her off in the next PTA meeting and asked her to stop treating me as her personal assistant and let me study since she would tell me to give a book to another teacher at the start of class and by the time I came back, having walked across the school campus and back half the class was over and I would miss the concepts taught. At that point I didnāt even go to tuitions since our principal told us not to and I took it literally. My mum would scold me for that and complained about my insane teacher appeasement behaviour to my Masi.
My masi used to say that teachers and all are limited to inside the school. A once school gets over and the bell rings, theyāre just normal people and one should treat them as such. No need to show so much reverence towards them. I would bend down to touch the feet of whichever teacher I bumped into outside school since we were taught that in school. That would be my highlight for the week and I would tell my friends I bumped into so and so today.
This incident really burst a bubble and I realized that though the proverbs and shlokas about teachers are on point, they donāt apply to all. Just because someone mugs up some concepts about a subject does not make them a Guru and does not elevate them to the stature this word carried. And so they should not be held to the same sense of awestruck fascination and devotion I so naively and tbh, stupidly harboured. At that point, I was straight out of my school which was very strict in upholding standards of behavioural conduct, dress code, academic excellence etc. so I kept all my college teachers as well on the same pedestal we were taught at school.
Moreover, one should keep an eye for all the red flags in the behaviour of the perpetrator. I could not register them on account of the rose colored glasses I had on at that time. After our guest lecture was over, some students went over to discuss their doubts and engage in discussions, I was one of them. You know the lists of advocates students can intern under that the college circulates? His name was on it. Our teacher had asked him to explain a couple of concepts which she would not be covering and had asked everyone to attend compulsorily as those topics would not be repeated in class later. I thought to myself that was a great opportunity. I could discuss my internship prospects with him at college itself, instead of having to go to his office alone. A week prior to the guest lecture, I didnāt even know someone like him existed on the planet.
Anyways, when my turn came I asked, āSir are you taking any interns? Your name is on the list our college gave us, of the advocates we can intern under.ā He told me to walk with him as he had to meet the dean. Now our classroom was on the first floor. The deanās office was at the end of the corridor on the ground floor. While walking he asked if I understood the concept our group had doubts in and asked me a couple of questions regarding it. They all had stayed back in class since their doubts had been solved. Since I was the only one remaining, I walked with him to the deanās office. Since the dean was preoccupied, he was requested to wait. I stood behind clutching my notebook. The teacher who asked us to wait asked him to please sit and wait for a few minutes. There was a bench next to our deanās office with itās back to the wall at the end of the corridor. He sat down and motioned me to sit next to him. I sat to his right after leaving some space in between. I started to discuss the internship again and asked him if he had any vacancies. He told me to call him and fix an appointment at his office to discuss it since he had to meet our dean right now. I said okay, and asked him his office address, opening my notebook with my pen ready to jotted in down.
He said Iāll give you my card and started to take it out of his pocket. After he took it out of his pocket, he folded his arms and slipped his left hand under his right arm and shook his card that was wedged in the fingers of his left hand, as a signal for me to take it. I still remember how odd it looked and how perplexed I felt. Why was he slipping his card like he was handing over some contraband? (This was the same posture he would enact later) Anyways, so while feeling utterly confused and weirded out, I took the card and tried to shake off this feeling. After I took the card, he told me to keep it in my notebook, lest I lose it. I had it in my hand. So I kept it in my notebook (I later realized he was asking me to hide it). After I do that I look up and see our moot court teacher walking towards us in the corridor with her eyes widened. Like she had caught him dealing contraband or something. And after seeing her, he immediately stiffened, straightened up and stood to greet her. He looked very flustered like he had been caught in the act of doing something wrong. She faked a laugh and said the dean was ready to meet him. And that made me even more confused. Later, I rationalized it to myself that maybe this was to not let out the news of him taking interns out or else he would be swamped with applications and I might never get a chance since our entire class and our seniors as well, would apply. Looking back, I realized how absolutely dumb my excuse for his extremely weird behaviour was and maybe the reason why my moot court teacher looked so shocked was perhaps he had had complaints made against him prior? Since students at our college has been interning under him and this was the same list that had been circulated to our seniors as well.
That was the first red flag. The second one was during the interview process. As soon as I sat down, he told me the question our college teachers had told us to expect and prepare answers for, in advance as it would be asked for sure. āSo tell me about yourselfā. I started repeating the answer I had prepared: academic history, strengths, weaknesses, hobbies, reasons for doing the internship etc. When I mentioned that I loved to read and was a voracious reader, he stopped me and asked me names of some of the books I had read. I started saying, āTo Kill a Mockingjayāā¦ and he stopped me once again, said he was impressed and asked if I read non fiction as well. I said yes and started listing down the books I had read. He paused me to ask me if I was into history and I said yes. I was a major history buff and when asked what history books I had read, I started off my list with Rajtarangini by Kalhana since that was the latest I had read and the most I remembered so if he asked me any questions related to it, Iād be able to answer them relatively better than the books I had read earlier. At that he interrupted me and looked quite surprised and said that I didnāt expect a first year student to have had read it. I said my social studies teacher had suggested it in the end of 10th std. He said, āWow, thatās very smartā. With an emphasis on āsmartā. He said I reminded him of his elder daughter who was a vociferous reader and read a lot as well. He then got up and pulled out Rajtarangini from his shelves behind his desk and showed it to me. And said that as his intern, I would have access to his collection of books at all times and could ask to read it anytime. I remember feeling so happy I had passed the interview and had been selected. He then remarked that I had a long name and if he could call me by my pet name. He guessed my pet name out loud with a questioning tone at the end. I immediately blurted, āThis is exactly what my papa calls me! And some other family members too! My mum calls me by a different name though.ā (Like suppose someoneās called Deepika, her pet name would be Deepu, if someoneās called Anushka, her pet name would be Nushkie). I remember thinking of how I had found a father figure in the new senior advocate I was going to intern under since he told me I reminded him of his DAUGHTER. I genuinely thought that him guessing the same nickname my father called me by was also a sign that he thought of me as his daughter. That lowered my guard even more since a girl feels the safest in presence of her parents and here was someone who was portraying himself as my father figure. After all who would suspect someone who was being so nice and telling me I reminded him of his daughter? Looking back, I beat myself up over how unbelievably naive and stupid I was to be so trusting. But then reconciled in light of the environment I had grown up in where I had no reason to be suspicious of someone like him who was a teacher and thus, by extension, automatically to be trusted. And how I was barely an adult at that time
Later on I realized how what he said was inappropriate. This was the second red flag. In my latter internships and work experience, never did ANY of my seniors, forget the advocates I was working under, ever ask me if they could call me by a shortened version of my name, forget a pet name. It is then I realized how essential it is to have street smarts. Itās much better to be a streetwise person who scores average and is able to detect danger and stay safe than to be a book smart bookworm who tops their exams but becomes an easy target due to their naĆÆvetĆ©. Itās so important to teach your kids to be sharp, astute, and street savvy first. Marks can always be improved later