I will be joining as an A0 at a firm next year. I've had a negligible social life and have avoided social interaction during my college life. I am a husk of my former, joyful self. College life broke me somehow. I know that having social anxiety while being a lawyer is ironic. But somehow I'm still working in this field, but struggling. I lack basic conversational skills and I struggle to make friends. Is there anyone who can relate to my situation or even guide me? I've considered counselling but never had the time for it.

Bhai start conversing to understand human psychology warma law firm partner or associate tera game bjaa denge manipulation karke.

You're going there to work. Let your work speak volumes. Social butterflies don't get too far.

I see your point but the loneliness really gets to me. I don't want to be the most charismatic person in the firm, or a social butterfly. I can't be in a shell and just keep working.

Then stop wasting time here and go talk to your colleagues. It starts with a simple Hey how are you doing ..I'm .....

If you are not gonna speak for yourself, no one will.

Don't be a conformist, people pleaser. Partner/seniors will gobble you up.

Do your work diligently, only speak when needed and communicate as clearly as you can.

I do get that. I've understood the work ethic I should have. But I'm not talking about sucking up. I'm talking about having real friends and people who look after you.

I'm trying but I feel that the partners/seniors will disregard my work. That's what I felt while interning. The team which I worked with judged me because I was "weird" according to them and I couldn't open up to them, so they didn't give me work at all or even substantial work. And I know it's just an internship but my colleagues were getting work at least, and much better and substantial work.

You have identified the problem, now start working towards the solution. Take small steps - start counseling at the earliest. Find time - no excuses.

Being an introvert won't harm you in initial years but it is a factor which will be considered at the time of elevation to partnership.

I empathise with you as I too suffer from social anxiety. My view is that law firm life may be pretty harmful for you if you are assigned to a toxic team. If that happens, work hard and keep your sanity intact for a year. After 1 year, think about a different profession, like think tanks or judicial service or academia.

us bro us

Same bruh, it's crippling sometimes and at times idgaf about my surroundings (which feels dangerously powerful for some reason). Wonder if I should've gone for finance lol.

I can relate to this. It may be a question of degree of anxiety that I face. Fortunately for me, I joined a small office which had some very nice people. Because I was half decent at work and was earnest, I rose up the ranks. I'm now a partner at the same firm.

Making conversation is still a little daunting, and I prefer email/text over meeting or phone calls. I'm still quite surprised that I have made it to where I have.

I don't think having a negligible social life will affect you in any way professionally, at least not for the first few years.

Hopefully, things will work out for you too. All the best.

Wow. It's admirable that you've been able to reach such a stage despite having this issue. Gives me a glimmer of hope. Thank you for your advice.

Your written communication seems good. You'll do well. Be confident of yourself.

Thank you. It always feels easier to write than to speak. I can never open up to anyone even if I feel like it. The words just don't come out like this. Feels really debilitating and humiliating.

I know the feeling. But trust me, you will be able to get by without this affecting your work. The good thing about working in law firms is that you work in teams, so some people's strengths will compensate for the others' weakness. I have realised that I feel much better when I'm prepared for the situation that I have to deal with, and not having things. That means that I have to work a little harder than someone who can do things on the fly, but it's not an insurmountable challenge. Also, I have gained confidence with experience, and that has helped.

As someone still struggling with this, I think I can empathise. Interviews especially, I used to panic and go silent. It was weird even for those taking the interviews. Fortunately, managed to get into a good firm and all of my weaknesses became strengths in that firm. Ours is not a sales job ( at least in the initial 7-8 years); as an associate, you will do well if you are willing to work hard, are diligent and treat your profession as a ‘calling’. Even when I struggled to verbally communicate with my senior partner, my emails were clear and carefully crafted, and I did my best in paying attention to the smallest details in the transaction documents. It has worked wonders for me in my career so far. You have already managed to get into a firm. So hold your chin high and do not worry about your perceived weaknesses. Along the way, you will find allies; you will find love.

Recently, two separate shrinks diagnosed me with Asperger’s syndrome or being in the spectrum (ASD). A labeling helps, I guess, in making sense of some life events and silencing that nagging question deep inside- what’s wrong with me. Other than that, nothing in life has changed. Even when struggling, one adapts to become functional in the circumstances one is in. My next phase of struggle has started with the expectations of socialising for business development. I think I will manage- you play the cards you are dealt with. And of course, in the interviews I take now, I ensure that anxiety during interviews is not counted against the candidates.

p.s.- tell us in two years how you are faring.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I really hope that you can learn to cope with it and thrive in whichever firm you are in. In fact I'm sure you'll be regarded as one of the best there.

Firstly, I want to acknowledge your courage in sharing your feelings and experiences. Remember, you're at the start of an exciting journey, and it's natural to feel a mix of emotions, including anxiety. You're not alone in this; many of us have faced similar challenges, especially at the beginning of our careers.

Here's a little secret that you'll come to realize as you progress in life: deep down, everyone feels insecure and anxious to some extent. The degree varies, but these feelings are a part of the human experience. It's how we address and manage them that makes the difference.

The legal profession, especially in a law firm setting, can indeed be demanding and might amplify feelings of anxiety. It's essential to recognize this and consider what's best for you at this stage. Your well-being, both mental and emotional, is paramount.

I strongly recommend looking into cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). It's a practical approach that can help you address and manage anxious thoughts right from the outset. It's never too early or too late to seek support, and taking this step can be transformative. I would recommend that you find time for this given its importance as you start a new journey.

Remember, every challenge you face is an opportunity for growth. Believe in yourself, and know that you have the strength and resilience to navigate this journey. Remember the people who care for you will always be rooting for you so hold them close at all times!!

Thank you. I will keep this in mind.