I was just a week away from concluding this internship.. but I couldn't bear it anymore. I was simply horrendous at the tasks I were assigned. Associates had to explain same proposition million times only for me to forget them like 2 minutes later. I am hardly able to make sense of what I did in these 3 and a half weeks.

It was only a matter of 5 working days left with a presentation at the last day. My self esteem has taken such a beating that I can't face anyone now. I came back home crying everyday, still doing pending tasks I was too slow to get over with during the day. Today I mailed the HR at 10 pm saying that I want to end the internship with immediate effect due to preponing of semester exams ( a shitty excuse) and had the audacity to ask for certificate 'as only a week was left'. Part of me feels happy that I won't ever have to go there and can finally be left to my own devices. But on the other hand everything feels bleak. I wasted my time, money, resources and along with a slot that could have gone to a deserving candidate. Not to mention burned bridges with all people there due to my inefficiency. It was a coward loser type of move which I felt necessary to protect my left over fragile self worth. I might as well be having a nasty combo of undiagnosed social anxiety and depression since I avoid and hate meeting people. Even generally my sentences are never longer than a few sentences and answers mostly monosyllabic. I don't see myself getting employed anywhere with this attitude or surviving for long in this competitive world. I'm in my mid twenties nearly graduated and jobless. I don't know what to do. Please suggest something anything.. did I make the right choice? How to get out of this rut? Do you guys also have similar stories to share ?

Bro. Therapist. Now.

Internships will come and go. You need to work on that voice inside. The inner voice need not be bubbly and positive all the time, just calm.

And yes, there are bad internships. Why won't there be?

P.S. - speak to a nice therapist. And. Stand in front of a mirror, and address yourself, speak to yourself like you would speak to a friend in the same situation, with kindness and understanding. It will seem funny, but it will help more than you think.

Pure play policy is somewhat of a made up name I created based on my experience working in the Indian NGO industry. Generally policy work not only included research but also marketing and networking for funds and PR. Pure play woke is found at large NGOs (Vidhi, ORI, CRY India etc) wherein you can focus only on the research and other teams focus on the marketing and PR.

Securing such work is difficult and generally needs good contacts or research at an international level.

You need to recover your mental health first. Start seeing a therapist or counsellor they will help. I was in the same situation about a year back and after spending some sessions with the counsellor provided by the college, I am much better now. She helped me to see what were the things holding me back and how to get over them.

Try this crowd sourced list: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1pzckT6ns2H1IlmwYwJa8EnBh_1u3gRA9cEOoA4zfilc/htmlview#gid=125850748

You can go for my therapist. Her name is Hiteshree dudani, she's a Mumbai based psychologist who provides online therapy. She charges around 500. I took online therapy when I was feeling very low and would surely had been depressed if not for her. I only took a few of her sessions and I felt great.

https://www.instagram.com/therapist.hiteshree?igsh=MXV0emd4NXRhbWpxcQ==

I plan to join an office where I can function and earn money and be sane. And use some part of that money to start a business (not sure what). It is not easy to change careers when you have this burden to decide quickly, but it is possible. You have to ignore inputs of others and maybe just join an office with a practice area you actually have atleast some interest in until you figure something out.

Hello dear friend. I sympathise with you. May I suggest you consider the following two options

1. Ignore the recommendations of therapy etc. Therapy is not some magical cure all. It is totally useless without internal self analysis. Analyse and introspect and find out why you got paralysed at work. It is most likely a fear of failure which becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Accept that you will make mistakes and will fail and you should make it to the other side. There is nothing to fear, certainly not failure. Throw yourself into another internship and into whatever you do, with full force and energy and confidence.

2. If step 1 does not work, you must consider whether you are cut out for the profession at all. I love the double bass as an instrument but I cannot play it for a lick. So I listen to it and don’t play it.

These are your two options. Do not waste a moment in self pity or in paralysis. Move forward.

Hi there. I have had faced similar instances as well. I really recommend figuring out why is it happening. In my case, I had high expectations from myself, I allowed myself no room to make errors, had excessive people-pleasing tendencies and immense fear of not getting a job. All of these coupled impacted my mental health and relationships. Figuring out the root cause will help you improve your situation. Further, try to find reasons why you want to work there? If you have no answers, then step 2 can be figuring out an alternative. However, first and foremost, try to analyse what is triggering these emotions. You may or may not seek therapy based on your personal choice. All the very best. This will pass.

i understand. your worth as an individual or professional is no way determined by this experience. once you have a rough start it sometimes becomes difficult to regain your groove at internships. be more mindful of why/how you made mistakes and try not to repeat them. be more gentle with yourself. this place is also a bit of an echo chamber, so if you think you'll not be able to manage then look at other options also. your mental peace is most important. all the best, hope you feel better

It's alright buddy, I once interned at a company even though I liked the internship and overall vibe but I quit just after a month and left without informing the seniors. And because of my stupidity I burned bridges with them. The worst part, associates in that company were really accomodating and they would have surely helped me in getting future internships, even a job. But I did it because I found it somewhat overwhelming and because I was irresponsible. No need to beat yourself over it, not everytime things go as per your plan. Sometimes we just fail.

It only means you haven't done enough reading of the law. I also had challenges in comprehending what was required, and I kept researching for 10 days for one single legal query. Couldn't make sense of what was the need behind the query, and whether my resolution was even addressing the problem. I always had a nagging doubt that my output is missing the mark by a mile.

I had my time with therapists also, but yea therapy is just like a painkiller. You let some days pass without therapy, and then the pain comes back all over again. What is needed to kill the pain is actually taking some action on it.

I will shorten my elaborately long and delayed journey of self-inquiry by boiling it down to just one thing. Work on what you feel a lack of. That's the way to satisfaction and inner peace, joy and happiness.

What is it that you feel a lack of? From your OP, I get it you feel a lack of:

1. Not able to understand proposition (this is because of a lack of prior familiarity with the proposition or the elements constituting the proposition).

2. Inefficiency (this is because of a lack of prior work experience. Efficiency is a result of iteration and repetition).
3. Loser (this is because of a lack of Wins which is a compound effect of the first 2 lacks discussed above).

Now you just gotta work on your lacks. You can become an expert in any field of law in very slow 10 years. Law isn't vast enough to need more than 10 years (if you have chosen a narrow specialization). Rest of your life is just iterating on it and expanding your network. So, give it enough time. Give it enough repetition. Be slow with yourself. Time is on your side.