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Break-out sessions turn into ranting sessions - where I hear every bit of detail. Why? So that I can steer clear and avoid standing in harm's way. I find great comfort in knowing I was not party to the debauchery my colleague was subjected to from the higher ups. But hey. I come up with creative one liners to conclude the ranting session. Check these out - 'Ah, life goes on; These people will never change; Important that you are happy in the long run; Do not let them pull you down ...'. I am Aristotle.. right?

Anyway, my colleague would get back to work feeling horrible. As far as I am concerned, he shouldn't feel bad at all. He was patiently heard, after all. He shall not question my generosity, for he will have nobody else to turn to, next time he wished to narrate.>

We are dependable beings, much before you were born. What you hear from your colleagues are not mere incidents or events, which you believe require your expertise. Nobody cares about you, really. It is about them - allow them the space to grieve. The incident or event does not matter. Relate to them emotionally. Open your mind to how a given situation must have made your colleague feel; rather than simply muting yourself, acting distant, giving gyaan on how you think it should be done or how you would have done it.>

Here's a fellow human being, overwhelmed by a mix of emotions. Please do not let him suffer. Please do not say things like - 'it is a phase' / 'keep yourself busy, this too shall pass'. All that your colleague wants, is for you to understand how a given situation made him feel. That is it.

In these moments, make yourself available in a way that your colleague wants. Perhaps he is done with people belittling him? Maybe he just wants you to shutup and listen and feel what he is going through? Well - then you shutup and listen and make the effort to understand and feel what he must be going through.

You made the effort to understand him. That's enough for him, really. Everyone deserves to be emotionally heard, to be reminded how important he is, despite all his flaws. Perhaps he was never heard as a child? Always bullied? Always thought sentimental and emotional talk is utter BS, because nobody had the time to listen to him?

You, putting in the effort, instills confidence and a sense of self-worth in him. You made him feel important; and worthy of being understood. Now give yourself a pat on your back. You built a connection with a fellow human being.
Not applicable in the case of the toxic salaried partner who keeps whining about the equity partner and bad mouthing the equity partner, everytime he gets the opportunity to speak to his juniors, and then turns around and derives great pleasure from being the equity partner's favourite pet.

Hours are spent first on irrelevant and malicious gossip and badmouthing the juniors, which the salaried partner initiates with the equity partner. Then again hours are spent by the salaried partner in whining and bitching about the equity partner to the juniors. And then it's 10 PM when the salaried partner actually starts doing the work he's supposedly paid for.
We all whine. We all bitch. Sometimes we are so frustrated, that we just do not want to work. Partners are not advocates - they are the Firm. They are tasked with ensuring the Firm survives. Clerks, assistants, and you - all need to be paid.

Go back in time, to when you opened your eyes for the very first time. You were frustrated. Angry. Confused. You were whining. Crying so excruciatingly, when the warmth and comfort of the towel wrapped around you was removed by the nurse. Who came to your rescue? Your mother. She took you in her arms. She knows that the only place you found comfort was on your mother's breasts. Your mother would understand you. She would treat your toys with dignity, love and care - why? She knows how humiliating it must be for you, should your world (your toys) be snatched away from you. Well, time goes by. You become a Partner.

Your Partner too, is dependable. He is as dependable on you, as you were when you first set foot into the Firm. It is okay, if he is unable to meet your expectations. Maybe he is not perfect. But, does anything called 'perfection' exist in this universe? - Not to the best of my knowledge. [WATCH OUT FOR MY NEXT POST!]

As a matter of fact, I personally love chatting up with people and hearing their stories during day time. When loneliness strikes at night, that's when I start working. How better to kill loneliness, than to ensure I never think about it? Would you not agree? Your Partner is desperate to talk. Who else will he turn to? Her Senior Partner? Or, the Clerk? Steno? Office Assistant? Principal Associate? No.

Everything - animate or inanimate - is worthy of dignity, respect, love, affection, safety, security and comfort. Why? Just for existing. Would your mother stop caring about you, if you did not become an advocate? No.

Again, the infant-mother analogy may seem extreme, to some. But let's not forget - we all are children. Replace the Partner, with a child - see why she is functioning the way she is. Understand. Empathise. Listen. Do not punish or banish - that is not who we are.

We have no right to punish or judge.
The pont drawn was the hypocrisy of people who bad mouth group 1 to group 2 and then turn around to bad mouth group 2 to group 1, while also portraying themselves to be the friends of both.

But that's some good Osho sounding shit that you could sell to the less discerning, there is a whole market for it

I understand the analogy that you're seeking to draw but it's not applicable because children have a very limited cognitive and emotional development whereas a Partner (considering their age and also the cognitive capabilities they're expected to have in light if their position) would be very differently placed

But as I said, there's a market for everything that sounds feelgood
Understand this. A law firm is a professional set up for doing your job and earning your fees. It is NOT a family or a kitty party. Why would you compare a mother-child relationship to a partner-associate relationship, and then call the partner the child?!

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As a matter of fact, I personally love chatting up with people and hearing their stories during day time. When loneliness strikes at night, that's when I start working. How better to kill loneliness, than to ensure I never think about it? Would you not agree?
No - in relation to the above Finish your work and then chit chat all you want.

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Your Partner is desperate to talk. Who else will he turn to? Her Senior Partner? Or, the Clerk? Steno? Office Assistant? Principal Associate? No.
Partner doesn't have a life outside office kya? Partner should speak to spouse, family members or friends. If not them, then a therapist. The first step to addressing a problem is to admit a problem exists. Your Firm members, juniors and seniors are colleagues and not your friends (do not kid yourself in to believing otherwise).

I'm all for emphasizing and understanding. But please spare me the mindless constant whining by the partner, when the partner is the main contributor to the toxicity.