Dear AF,

You have to remember the scene much later in life when Rachel tells her sister how to grow up.
But you touched upon a topic close to heart. Growing up, all I had was pension funds, fixed deposits postal savings and ppf.

Cliche as it sounds, saving for a rainy day (aka taking a break to figure out life) is actually useful. Of course, when on break, your worry will be is my money running out?

I digress. I am bored. Everybody wants me fired from this job. Do you think I should be fired?

The real world does suck. But it will be soon that you may realise that it is your life - it's kinda like investment - go all in on poker, crypto small caps and live on the edge; or mutualfunds, where the risk is not meeting your peer pressure of a perfect life or G SeC FDs PFs and Tbills, life of safety and content.

Which one are you?

- R

Dear R,

I have started watching a few finance videos on YouTube. Financial literary, unfortunately, wasn’t something I was taught in school or university. These videos talk about investing and managing one’s finances, mutual funds and SIPs, saving up an emergency fund for rainy days etc. It just seems like I have discovered an entirely new world that I previously didn’t know existed.

Now that my office is reopening, I’ll soon have to learn to live all by myself and act like a responsible adult. It’s a bit scary, just thinking about having to live alone in a strange new city, but also exciting at the same time. I feel like I’m in that scene from FRIENDS where Rachel‘s friends make her sit down at the table and cut all her credit cards. It’s scary because she knows she can no longer go back to depending on her parents footing her bills, but it’s also exciting because from now she’ll be responsible for every purchase she makes.

If only I had someone to hug me and tell me:
“Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it.”

Yours hopefully,
Anon Frank

September 29, 2021

I do agree that comparing ones dissatisfaction with ones job with the holocaust is illogical, however at the same time we should not dismiss OP's emotions, it is what the OP is feeling and the OP merely stated that feeling. We should accept that OP feels that way and not judge the OP on that.

I would prefer the term “creative” or “hauntingly beautiful” when referring to the letters. Obviously, some portions have been deliberately modified so that I can maintain my anonymity.

Some free advice for @lawfirm noob - If there’s one thing you learn from working in a law firm, it’s that always make sure to CYA.

Yes. No doubt. But we weren't good enough to be soldiers or be part of the team to make our lives close to being justified, were we?

There is so much angst left in us. The one that expresses itself on random afternoons. When you think will it rain.

You can only gain perspective with age. There is nothing wrong with surviving the tier 1 world as much and much more so absolutely nothing that makes a difference quitting it.

World is a funny place Anon, the only thing we should strive for is not content but joy and overjoyed. We are scared lest we find it at a wilderness we did not expect.

- R

Dear R,

Have you ever thought about what is the most difficult job in the world?

I think it is probably being a soldier. They have unpredictable working environments- they need to stay in trenches, brave extreme weather and sometimes go without proper food for days. Nobody would wish to be in such a working environment. Yet, thousands of young adults join the armed forces every year. So what keeps them going ? It’s the belief that they are fighting for their country, it’s that perspective that there is something much bigger than the sleepless nights and horrible trenches that they have to endure.

Right now, I’m really struggling to see the bigger picture in my work. It’s difficult to feel motivated to work when you don’t have that perspective. I mean I know I’m supposed to proofread the document. I’m even aware of the background of the transaction, but I’m not entirely surely how it all fits in. I know this legal work I am doing will not have any life changing impact on others, but it would really help to understand how it all fits in the legal or financial world. I know this probably sounds a bit vague, but I suppose I am unable to express it well as I don’t know what I don’t know. But there’s definitely something that feels missing.

Well, the question remains - how can I manage to gain that perspective? Or maybe, what I’m really asking myself is - how do you make yourself feel better when you’re just a small cog in a big wheel?

Yours sincerely,
Anon Frank

September 21, 2021

Hey! Listen. I think you're analysis doesn't take into account some other things. In law, like medicine, the amount of work you have to do (actual work work, not Bezo's style 3 decisions a day) increases with your seniority and doesn't decrease. Your Senior probably has twice the amount of work on their desk. The partner four times and the senior partner eight times.

This results in every task assigned by a senior being deliverable ASAP and in absolute perfect condition. This is across the chain the ultimate senior being the client who you can't send a non perfect draft and the client demands everything ASAP. The problem is you can't even blame the client, cause its law, it is possible to justify everything on an ASAP basis and demand levels of perfection that are above and beyond what is normally expected of you (everything in law is high stakes for the client, else they wouldn't need a lawyer).

Thing is, law firms that pay these great salaries can only do so cause there aren't enough quality lawyers to meet the demand. There are many many lawyers but very few competent and good ones. That's why you can justify the price the firm charges for your work/time and the firm can justify the salary it pays you.

Everyone starts out on the factory floor in this profession as a result. You are in the factory not because you're a smart lawyer but because you've shown the potential to become one. So the firm and your seniors have agreed to invest in you. To prepare you for what is coming when you eventually make SA and work up the food chain to the top. It gets harder the higher you go. So you need to be able to deal with this right now. The faster your figure out how to manage your plate, the happier you will be. Only you can do this, no one can do it for you. No one else remotely has all the information required to even try.

The only question you have to ask yourself is if this is worth it. If it ain't. It is not too late to go get an MBA.

Dear Author,

I do remember. Not sure if it rhymed with September. Suffering a great hangover after 3 continuous week of working, my phone was off till 3 pm on a Sunday. It wasn't even a partner or a senior or a client that was trying to reach me. It was another partner, another senior for yet another deal that needed to start, apparently, on a Sunday.

"You can't keep your phone off, who do you think you are" was the first question. Instead of, I apologise for calling you incessantly.

But back then, as now, I felt important that I got that call.

Years later, I understand how that call was not ok.
I have been a bit of a fanboy (girl?) when I see people negotiate on a corporate deal. And I am happy got to see so many great lawyers at work, even if my role may have been limited to bring up diligence issues.

Have you met bankers?

They will not have a LI thread

Yours sincerely,

- R

Dear R,

Do you remember the first time you had to work on a weekend? Well, I absolutely hated it. It’s not as if I had to work the entire day. The work was only for about 4-5 hours, but still I hated it.

Obviously, I had been told before joining the firm that I would have to work on weekends. But I guess when you’re a college student, you have so much free time, that you don’t mind giving a part of it away on a weekend. But when you are working 12 hours non stop for 5 days a week and you hardly have time to pursue a hobby or even watch a film, you become super protective of the limited free time you get.

Maybe it’s my unrealistic expectations that are making upset. I expected the weekend to be a holiday, when I could finally get some time off for myself, but the unexpected work assignment caught me off guard. It’s funny actually - had this been a workday, I would have happily worked for those 4 hours. Maybe going forward, I should forget there’s anything called a holiday, because you never know when you might receive a work call. That way, if I ever get a day off, that would be a pleasant surprise.

So I guess I still live for the weekends, but now I try to savour every free minute as if it’s my last day on earth. You never know when you might get that call from wo...ummm...gotta go... looks like my seniors are calling.

Yours pretentiously,
Anon Frank
September 18, 2021

lol, I think you've deeply misunderstood what the fight club was about. read this for a start: https://www.newyorker.com/culture/cultural-comment/the-men-who-still-love-fight-club .
broadly the critique of consumerism that fight club offers is valuable. but Tyler Durden's answer to his existential crisis stemming from consumerism is to cling to old patriarchal values of masculinity and the place of men in the world and violence as the answer. and this is why the book ( yes fight club is a book by Chuck Palahniuk) is a satire on masculinity. Why do men allow themselves only two ways to be- to be a consumerist soulless drone or to be a violent misogynistic terrorist? there is a reason that the narrator kills Tyler Durden in the end. and shoots himself to do it. it is because Tyler Durden is not to be celebrated or valorized but to satire of what fragile masculinity looks like when taken too far.

this is why people should be taught some basics of understanding literature/ film in school. otherwise, they just take everything literally.

Oh lord the amount of pretense in this thread. It seems like someone watched fight club and read Anne frank without actually understanding any of it.

The fight club and Tyler Ds bullshit is supposed to be satirical you dum dums. You’re supposed to laugh at how self indulgent and anti social and messed up this character is. Not try to emulate him or base your life on his nonsense ! The book and the movie is a commentary on the fragility of the privileged white man!

And Anne frank is not an abstract idea. she was a real person. And she had real hopes and dreams. and she was a child. And they killed her because of anti semitism. Real death you understand? Not just “ aaj kaam pe maza nahin aaya” or “yaar abiza jana hai” . Her struggle wasn’t that she couldn’t go outside and party it up and vacation- it was that they would literally kill her if they knew she existed. The Holocaust was an unspeakable human tragedy. So unspeakable they made up a new word for the kind of horror it was. Millions of people were killed like they had no souls or minds or hearts - only bodies that were no longer necessary. They turned their hair and fat into soap. They used up everything of the body they could and turned what used to be a person into dust. You didn’t get to opt out of being Jewish and say- ah I’ll just take a pay cut for a few years. It is absolutely gross - that some of the most privileged people in the country want to appropriate that victim identity like it’s nothing. All while they’re actually building detention camps in the country and putting people in them because of their religion. And all while under-trials languish away in prisons for no real reason at all other than their poverty. How self centred and tone deaf do you have to be to compare your cushy life with the freaking Holocaust? Go educate yourself.

You hate your work life, so does everyone else. Complain without literally comparing yourself to or appropriating the identity of the victims of the worst thing that has happened in the history of mankind. Have some sense of decency.

Dear Author,

I have no locus to reply to those questions, yet I will. Perhaps the pandemic is different ball game to deal with when asking these questions now.
I spent a good 4 to 5 years in a tier 1 firm. The work is backbreaking and at almost all times mundane. You wonder at times why you have to go through 5 years of law to do this. But look around you. Outside law. Even those committed to art, their work is backbreaking. And I am not even going into class structure. If you are making a film, if you are planning to be an influencer, if you want to do sports management, if you want to be a a writer - the risk reward for them is just as high.

You are right - there are no right answers to this. We can all share the experience - but end of the day it is only us that can figure out what we want.

LI moderation is my dream job and I love it. But who knows what I may find tomorrow.

Look forward to your reply. Till then,

Yours Sincerely

- R

Dear R,

Now that I have landed a job in one of these highly sought after Tier 1 firms, a lot of my juniors from college ask me how my life is.

Is the work I do interesting ?
Are the stories of working late nights all the time true?
Does it feel like the corporate job is sucking the life out of me?
Do I like my job or do I hate it?

Dear R, how do I tell them that it’s not a straightforward answer?

I genuinely feel that the matters I get to work on are really interesting. I’m part of high value deals and get a front row seat watching my team work with big private equity firms and foreign clients. While I may not be directly involved in structuring the deal, or even drafting contracts for the deal, but just the exposure to the kind of matters is massive.

True, I have to do mostly mundane tasks like proof reading or preparing list of documents, but I don’t mind it that much. Anyway, I wouldn’t be able to drafts contract at this stage with my level of experience (which is nil).

I’m still okay with doing the mundane work day in and day out. But what I really struggle with is the long working hours. Working for 12 hours a day isn’t something I’m ever done before. These long hours are so demanding, I find myself absolutely drained with no energy left to do anything else post work. Not like earlier I would go out on every weekday, but I guess it’s just nice to have that choice to go out or have some time to yourself.

I can’t really say if I like my job or I hate it. I think it’s still a bit early to take that call. Right now my life is just - Work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

I guess I now live for the weekends.

Anon Frank,
September 17, 2021

I understand that references to the Holocaust might be triggering, but I’m a bit unsure why you deleted my username. People in the comments have picked up on the Fight club reference, but seem to have missed out on the Anne Frank reference. Anyway, I’ll be using this username “Anon Frank” for subsequent posts. Thanks for finally allowing this post.

I see in LI the strongest and smartest men and women who've ever lived. I see all this potential and I see it squandered. God damn it, an entire generation filling excel sheets, copy-pasting, and formatting - slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history man, no purpose or place. We have no Great war, no Great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We've been all raised by our bosses to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and equity partners and rock stars, but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You are not special. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We’re all part of the same compost heap.

While we have no Great Depression or Great War, the current pandemic is an unprecedented event. Although everyone understands things are difficult, it seems most seniors have a third person view and are unable to comprehend what it is like surviving as a young associate while working from home amidst a pandemic.
I will be chronicling the experience of being an A0 by regularly posting on this site. Considering LI has wide reader base of both lawyers and future lawyers, what I hope to achieve through these series of posts is mainly two things. First, that other A0s realise that they are not alone in this. Second, that the seniors understand our perspective, and maybe adopt new practices suitable for WFH to create a supportive environment for their juniors.

I hope that this will be a great support and comfort to me and others.

Note to LI readers: I will be using this specific post as a diary and posting at regular intervals. Therefore, I would request you to not comment on this thread as it will break the chain of entries. But please feel free to show your likes or dislikes by using the like button.

Date: September 16, 2021