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I was one of the toppers of my coaching, nationally ranked in the single digits for ~6 months or so, but fumbled CLAT and got into gnlu with a rank in the 300s. Missed NLUD by a hair's breadth. Embittered, I made a steely promise that I'll prepare well for CLAT 2027 and give it all I got. Now, there's a month left for it, and I've pretty much everything left. I don't think any university student, especially one in his first semester has only a binary of experiences - mine has just been a blur. I've made some great friends, but that bitter longing just doesn't seem to move on. So far, I've done well at college academically and mootwise but I don't find that feeling of belonging that I see on faces all around me. Every day, even that now I'm back home becomes this monotonous blur of self-dejection and disappointment.
I'll be giving CLAT one last shot to see if it's meant to be - but, all I want really is to escape this monotony, this constant delirium of self expectation. Maybe being parochial once if that makes sense. I see my juniors idealise NLS, but it's not the college I want. It's to know the fact that I could've made it, that I had the ability to do so.
To all those giving CLAT, whenever you read this, don't make the mistake I did. Don't tie your self-worth to an exam. I wish I could follow my own advice and get out of this hellish mindset I've trapped myself in. If you know who I am, ignore this and if you don't - I'd love for some words of your own.