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In my previous job at a law firm, I (M) worked with an Associate (M) who was two years senior to me and a Partner (F). For some reason, the Associate seemed to have an issue with me and would repeatedly give negative feedback about me to the Partner. The associate had joined just a month prior to me.
I found out about the feedback when the Partner and HR told me I was being given one last opportunity to improve my performance. When I asked for specifics, they said I needed to “take ownership of my work,” “be more proactive,” and that I was “rude.”
One example they cited was that I had supposedly refused to review work assigned by the Associate. This never happened, and I had WhatsApp messages to prove that I did accept the work and sent the work to him too, but the Partner and HR refused to look at the messages and also did not give me any other examples of my supposed incompetence. When I asked for an example of when I had been rude, they said “rude not in terms of personality but for other things”.
The Associate was also allowed certain freedoms, like leaving early from the office, that I wasn’t given.
He was frequently rude to me, but as a fresher, I was afraid to speak up and risk losing my job. On one occasion, he threatened to complain against me for submitting my work late by 2 hours, as he had asked for it in 30 minutes when I had actually sent it after 33 minutes. I raised this with HR and the Partner and pointed out that Outlook showed the exact timings of when I had actually sent the mail. They said it wasn’t a big issue and that they “believed him and believed me too.” The following week, I was asked to resign due to poor performance. I didn’t argue because the stress had become too much.
Initially, the Partner had seemed fair to both of us, but over time I felt her becoming colder towards me and increasingly friendly with him. I spent a lot of time wondering whether I really was as incompetent as they made me feel. Later, a callback intern complained to me about his behaviour, which made me realise that he was behaving with the intern in the same manner as he had been with me.
I’ve now found a much better job and am genuinely happy with where I am, but I still feel hurt and wronged by what happened. How do I make sense of what happened with me and let go of the past and make sure I don’t find myself in a similar situation again? I couldn't have complained against him because the handful of times I tried I was simply dismissed by the Partner.