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I’m a PA at a tier 1 law firm and currently in the last phase of my pregnancy (due in about 1–2 months). Based on my doctor’s advice, I’ve been working from home due to certain medical risks.
However, the situation at work has been quite difficult. Despite my condition, I’m constantly being made to feel redundant by my partner, and there is an expectation to continue handling deliverables with the same intensity—including pulling all-nighters. There is also frequent yelling and an insistence on being available virtually 24x7.
This has been extremely distressing, both physically and mentally.
I have tried addressing this internally, but there hasn’t been any meaningful change in behaviour.
I wanted to understand from others in the community:
- a. Is this kind of expectation normal in similar situations?
- b. How have firms generally dealt with maternity-related accommodations?
- Would it make sense to escalate this externally (for instance, to the Bar Council), or are there better ways to handle this?
c. Would really appreciate any perspectives or experiences—especially from those who may have gone through something similar.
Thanks in advance.
Tell your partner that you are entering the critical third trimester phase, and you cannot work these hours and you will need support in terms of more juniors. And remind him/her that you will be leaving in a month for delivery and transition is to be done. Put this on email !!!!
If your partner still doesnt understand, tell your partner that you will have to advance your leave on account of complications. Keep the HR in loop as well.
As you will be aware - this phase is extremely critical for the health of your baby. Any emotional or physical stress will have lifelong consequences.
I had a female boss who vindictively gave work on weekends to a new mother to punish her. She would get a lackey to send the e-mail as well – never directly. I completed the work for the new mother without the boss knowing it because I felt awful. The new mother was treated poorly internally, and no action was taken against the boss at the time – only an investigation for the sake of it, despite senior partners noticing it all. Money talks loudest in law firms.
Women on my team who got married or had kids at the time were always under immediate scrutiny. Most who got married or had kids left. Those who were married were treated more harshly – do not buy into their Lean In worldview. All of that is corporatespeak wrapped in pink. There is no prospect of escalating to the Bar Council – lawyers have no recourse and have never been model employers. Find a new job. Your kid is your priority. Your husband needs to be around, too. Get his buy-in. Full stop.
Lean In refers to a prominent feminist philosophy and a global movement centered on the 2013 book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by former Meta COO Sheryl Sandberg.
The core idea encourages women to assert themselves in their professional lives to achieve leadership roles, rather than unintentionally holding themselves back due to internal barriers or societal expectations.
Lean In from the inside
Wynn-Williams, who worked at Meta from 2011 to 2017, shares several incidents that she claims expose a disconnect between Sandberg's public persona and her private behavior:
"Come to Bed" Incident: Wynn-Williams alleges that during a 2016 flight on a private jet, Sandberg invited her to share the only bed on the plane, an offer Wynn-Williams found highly inappropriate and refused.
Hostile Work Culture: The author claims staffers were intentionally given excessive workloads to ensure no one had "spare time". She recounts responding to work emails while in labour and being harassed for updates during a recovery from a life-threatening childbirth complication.
Critique of "Lean In": Wynn-Williams argues the philosophy was used to push women toward "soul-depleting workaholism" rather than true empowerment. She describes Sandberg's brand as a "shtick" designed to demand obedience from subordinates.
What you should do is -
Take your maternity leave or go on a sabbatical or maybe go in house.
Law firms are mostly like this. Only exception is during maternity leave or sabbatical. The reason is billing. The partner has heavy targets and they must utilise every resource available to them and bill the max.
You are a PA which means you are a very expensive resource (50 to 70 LPA) They will not show any mercy because of your pregnancy or when you become a new mother. Because you as a resource is expensive.
Go in house. Don't join another law firm or big 4.
In my honest experience, women, especially those without kids, are meaner to other women in such case.
People are just going crazy - reasonableness is the least of what is expected.
I suffered through the same but it is awful experience and scars you! Imagine you are loyal to him and doing his work.
YOUR HEALTH, YOUR KID AND YOUR PEACE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY MATTER OR ANY WORK.
REQUEST YOU TO PRIORTISE WHAT MATTERS MORE. PLEASE STOP STRESSING, THAT IS THE LAST THING YOU NEED TO AT THIS CRUCIAL TIME OF YOUR LIFE.
WORK TO LIVE AND NOT LIVE TO WORk.
YOURS TRULY,
GEN-Z FRESHER
Life is very short, and there's truly a lot to achieve and do. But in our ambitions we shouldn't trun blind to the wrongs around us. In your case, 2 things are patently wrong; 1. The actions and demeanour of your partner, and 2. Your inaction against such things. You're at a crucial juncture of your life, don't let anyone sabotage yours and your child's well being.
Leave that job if you must, if maternity is not feasible at this point. But don't continue the last phase, with all the stress law firms being with it. Take a break.
PAs pull depends a lot on the team dynamics.
On the one had, the PA might be correct and absolutely being mistreated (which is wrong on his part).
On the other hand, the PA might be absolutely incorrect in how she chooses to describe the situation (which is wrong on her part).
Where does the truth lie?
On this forum, we’ve actually started shooting first and thinking later, we’ve started believing all the allegations without hearing the complete story; maybe we need to rethink our approach and start questioning what we’re seeing here.
Same is applicable to salaried partners with no book. It is very difficult for them to switch IMO unless they go in-house, which has separate challenges.
In my firm I noticed almost all female partners had kids after they got promoted (not equity), or they had very early during pre-SA/SA days. Post promotion to SAship it is a slog to become a partner I guess.
But can you not take unpaid time-off? Why continue with the job?
Complain to National Commission for Women. Am sure they will bring your firm to its senses.
PMO also has a helpline of sorts or just send a letter. They are generally quite helpful.
I think let’s force these men to understand that if your wife is doing it for you by putting your job and dreams on priority doesn’t mean you will belittle someone’s choice to work during pregnancy and not respect basic decency and boundaries.
The pregnant woman is not refusing work during office hours, all they are saying is after office hours, my body needs the rest it needs after a hard days work.
I had to search and find this to actually read it.
The person doing it is thinking that I am the one doing this - some guilty conscience.
Take care - ask your associates for help and I’m sure someone will - communicate politely over call and tell them that you don’t want harms way when it is preventable.
Take good care and all good energy to you.
That’s so brave of you. So proud of you for doing this 🙌🏻
I took active steps, informed the HR by showing the messages being written to me and if it’s you, be grateful it’s not publically but internally.
Anywho - again - karma - life will always slap back!