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The main issue is with me as a person. I was never a very serious person in life. I take things casually, I procrastinate a lot, I am often late, and I don’t take warnings or responsibilities as seriously as I should. Even now, this habit is affecting my career.
Academically, I first completed PCM and then did B.Tech because I thought that was my interest. Later, I realized I was more interested in politics and law, so I went on to complete my LL.B. from CLC. It has been about a year since I finished my degree.
I had some good internships, and I believe I have decent knowledge of law and a good understanding of the basics. I usually know what the law requires and what arguments should be made. But when it comes to actual work, I don’t feel serious or driven. My senior gives me work, but I am very slow in research and drafting. Even when I understand the issue, my output is not up to the mark.
Office life also feels very monotonous. There are hardly any juniors. Mostly it’s just me, and another junior who comes only once or twice a week. There is very little interaction or discussion, and that makes the work feel even more dull. I don’t know whether I don’t like litigation or whether I just lack discipline and seriousness.
Financially also, I am not earning much right now. Still, I don’t push myself to work harder or improve my speed. Instead, I end up wasting time on my phone, scrolling reels, and avoiding work. After that, I feel guilty, but the cycle repeats.
Another big concern is family responsibility. Soon, my family may depend more on me, and logically I understand that I should be serious about my career. But even after knowing this, I don’t feel that sense of urgency from inside. That scares me.
When I look at my friends and batchmates, many of them are very serious about their careers. They are constantly discussing cases, law, opportunities, and growth. I don’t feel that same drive, and I don’t understand why.
So I want honest perspectives:
- Is this kind of phase common in the early years of litigation?
- Do people become serious with time and experience, or is this a personality flaw?
- How can someone build discipline when motivation is missing?
- How do you know if you genuinely don’t like litigation, or if you are just struggling with work ethic?
I am not looking for sympathy. I just want to understand whether this is something others have faced, and how they dealt with it.
1. Is this common in early years of litigation?
I'm six years into litigation & no, I have not felt this way, except for occasionally feeling burnt out or wanting to procrastinate over a weekend or so.
2. Do people become serious over time?
Time changes people, but to become serious or to loosen up would also be a matter of deliberate personal choice, I believe.
3. Discipline without motivation — just force yourself to do it over & over, I suppose. I might be wrong. But this is the only answer I've got.
4. Whether you lack work ethic or genuinely don't like litigation — do you feel similarly demotivated/disinterested towards other things? Do you feel inclined to do other things? I knew people who were passionate about other things & they gave up law to take those up full time.
Then I got diagnosed with ADHD. Suddenly, everything made sense and I learnt what was actually going on. Over the past year, medications and therapy has helped me become more functional.
I am not claiming you have ADHD for sure, but it is a worthwhile thing to consider. Regardless, please see a psychiatrist (not a psychologist) who can actually diagnose you.
Good luck OP. I promise you things will get better.
I think maybe due to lack of financial incentives you do not feel motivated to work as you do not see growth where you are so you feel demotivated. Also, you may not be enjoying the kind of work you are doing, combined with lack of connections with anyone at a place where you spend 9-10 hours at may zone you out.
You may have ADHD, but understand this, you are the captain of your own ship, you gotta understand the rewards that will come from your hardwork. That may motivate you.
You should network. Take bigger challenges (write a law book or do an IGNOU MBA, etc.). Challenge yourself by testing your limits. Build some resilience.