Yeah, so she did not clear it. I can't tell you how good it felt! been enjoying this feeling alone for the last few months. Finally realised that i should be informing you all also. Thanks for the great advice, you all. Now I don't have any issue with her clearing it in any other attempt. My best wishes to her!

It's good that you can admit and voice your feelings honestly. That's a great first step. These are unhealthy feelings that will not serve you, but we all have them. Don't listen to these idiots trying to shame you. You took the first step and acknowledged them. Now you need to process them and understand where they are coming from without judgment. That will shift the focus to yourself. Then you work on yourself and whatever caused the feelings. If the root cause is that you are feeling inadequate, then you can see why you think you are not successful. Or maybe you feel insecure if others do well because you are not happy where you are. The main thing is to try to understand the root cause of the feelings without judgment.

Yes this is toxic, and reeks of a great insecurity within yourself. You having a 'crush' on her during your college days does not warrant or obligate her to be with you and pour out her ambitions even if she liked you once initially. i think you need to measure yourself up and focus on what kind of a person you are if you have these thoughts of 'genuinely' not wanting her to clear it. that said, i hope she clears the interview.

You guys can call me shallow, if you want, but I genuinely want to know if someone has been through this and was able to work on themselves.

I am a graduate of the 2024 batch from a Tier 2, private law school. I myself started working in the disputes team at a well known law firm. During my time in law school, there was a person on whom I had a great crush, and during the initial days she acknowledged that she also had feelings for me.

Subsequently, she got focused on her studies. After that, while I've been working since over a year now, she kept preparing for UPSC, which she started around the middle of the 4th year of our law school. Last year she was able to clear the prelims but couldn't clear the mains examination. This year she cleared the mains examination as well.

Now she might be appearing for the interview, as the list has her name. I genuinely do not want to see her clearing that interview, but somewhere within myself I know that she is going to clear it. I am not sure if this is too toxic or what. I am not able to focus on myself, and I am more focused on others.