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For the longest I used to hate my SA then I figured my partner who is all sweet and nice to me isn't so with the SA. (My SA was a horrible person in general but most of the toxicity flowed from upstream)
Also, it's a common tactics used by loads of partner who want to maintain a sweet and kind image.
Simply put, the SAs gets bullied by the juniors and chewed out by the partner as well. Seen it happen many times across teams. In the end the Partner gets to remain squeaky clean, get plaudits and the SA gets the brickbats despite carrying the file.
Yet, barely anyone has the courage to call this out despite its evidence being in plain sight. Just sit in the cafeteria and listen to the conversations. Its one of the reasons why most teams are imbalanced as experience heads for the door. Either ways the conveyor belt goes on.
Toxicity is not limited to a level. Its not a labelling privilege extended to the A0s when their shit gets called out. It is all pervasive. If toxicity is present in the team it inevitably infects all. From the junior most, right up to the partner.
As they say, walk a mile in someone elses' shoes ...
In the end he sends me something and says I can redo it if needed. Of course he can!
This is when I am juggling with my kid and after partner moved deadlines talking to client.
In the end, the main document goes and the associate's work goes in a second email ... 2 days late.
TLDR: Some amount of venting is fine, too much is harmful. Dont make a habit of this.
Most of these folks wouldnβt take it for one second if their bosses created threads to publicly criticise and βventβ about people working under them. Itβs quite sick.
Getting work from them is like pulling teeth.
I started a strict policy of monitoring directly.
You are describing what is essentially a torture chamber. Other people would notice if this is true. I am certain she has her side of the story vis-a-vis you too.
Unlike you though, she was busy with her due diligence / emails / lit prep while you wrote this essay-like paragraph figuring out what growing up looks like in the real world.
Not gaslighting, but a lot of this is inside your head. Either ways be brave and complain with HR if you feel so strongly. I think you may find a dose of reality after that conversation.
Firms give you around four years as an associate before you transition to the senior associate level. That period is there for a reason amongst others: to help you decide if law firm life is truly what you want in the long term. Itβs a chance to evaluate whether it aligns with your career aspirations and personal goals.
If one firm isnβt working for you, itβs absolutely okay to explore other firms or teams. There are always opportunities, and with time, youβll find a better fit. But if the work environment is toxic and thereβs no improvement, accept it for what it is and move on. Itβs not your responsibility as an associate to fix a firmβs culture, nor do you have the power to do so. Focus on finding a place where you can grow, thrive, and feel valued.
From my own experience, I spent nearly three years in a tier-1 law firm. It didnβt work out, and I realized that firm life wasnβt for me. I transitioned to a start-up as an in-house counsel. Sure, the 30% tax bracket and the lack of job security (an often overlooked advantage of law firms) are downsides, but Iβm happier for it. Life is now calmer, and I experience significantly less anxietyβa trade-off Iβm glad I made.