I am a 2nd Year Student in a T-1 NLU. My guiding philosophy in college is to be "nice" to everyone. Always smiling at everyone, helping people with basically everything that they need help for, looking out for juniors, sharing my notes with the batch even when no one else does in it, etc.

However, it does not seem to be reaping any dividends. All the people who are doing extremely well (in moots, academics, etc) are all those who do not give two shits about being "nice". They never share their notes with anyone in the batch, they do not help you when you ask for help...hell they never say thank you to someone that helps them!

So is it really worth it to be so "nice" all the time? Who knows, maybe it is shallow to want something in return for being "nice". There is no obligation on me to be "nice" to everyone so I should not expect anything in return. But all I am getting for being "nice" to everyone is goodwill from batchmates and juniors, and I do not know how (and IF) that will ever help in the future.

Please guide.

Okay you may not like to hear this but this is my take and i think its pretty true. Most people who are 'nice' are doing it to be percieved as nice. So it is inherently selfish. There is a difference between kindness and 'nice'. Kindness is done when you feel geniune compassion, while nicenes is dont to avoid upsetting others or to be liked. Those people who are not giving away their notes are doing nothing wrong. And if you are giving away your notes and resenting it later as you dont feel like you got anything in return, youre just fucking yourself over. And the truth is that you will notice being nice doesng get you extra goodwill. People will just take you for granted and come to expect you to bend over backwards to help them. It reduces theur respect for you. Stop helping people in anyway that makes you uncomfortable or stands to hurt you. Set boundaries. Be kind not nice. This is geniuely not an attack i was exactly this why and since then ive grown and i hope the same for you.

I agree with this entirely. I've learnt this exact lesson and boundaries are so important. Be kind, know your people, but take care of yourself first and foremost. Being selfish is being nice to yourself, and that's the most important. It doesn't mean you can't smile at people or be friendly. However, friendly should not mean giving your notes and assisting others with your strengths, without any return. Even if there's no return, helping may be viewed as an investment, so invest in others wisely. If you want to be charitable, be charitable to those who need charity.

All depends on the culture of the place. Usually this idea of being “nice” to others is instilled in us by our seniors at home or family members/ relatives. Ultimately a good thing when you have to be in a society. But in college, where you are cut off from adults, people tend to behave the way they want. Also, depending on which state people are from and others in your college are - your niceness may be perceived negatively - as either too fake/ or too naive.

Folks from the north are usually more loud and in your face - be it the way they talk, hang out or joke. Folks from the south are bit more reserved and quiet.

Find a core group of friends and have fun. All the best!

Yes. It is. You won’t see benefits from it right away. It will take time. But it absolutely is worth it to be nice to people. The best person in my batch sent her notes to the whole class, tutored those of us who needed it separately, never had a single fight or disagreement with anyone.

It paid off for her in a big way because people would work with her on anything she wanted. And after graduation - would do her any favours she wanted. You could be competitive with everyone else, but you wouldn’t be with her. There were very few instances of people being nasty to her in law school ( far fewer than most) and she basically had an easier life in law school because she was nice. Her five years had less drama than anyone else’s and she was allowed to focus on learning and improving herself because she was so nice no one wanted to bother her with drama.

Here’s the thing though. You should actually genuinely want to be a nice person. It cannot be an act. I don’t mean that there shouldn’t be some animal part of you deep down inside. That’s there for everyone. I mean that you should sincerely want to be good to other people and tame parts of you that are more primitive.

I disagree completely with the poster above who said there’s some deep distinction between nice and kind and to be kind instead of nice. I think that’s only true for “nice guys” who bother women. For most people - how you treat them is what they’ll remember and being nice is a good pro social thing. It just is. And people who aren’t nice often justify to themselves that “yeah they might be rude or have an outburst or be emotionally disregulated but they’re not all bad.” Of course no one is all bad. It just does take extra effort to be nice and people who do it are trying to do so must learn to be more patient and even tempered in the long run.

In competitive environments showing nice behaviour is just like giving a free goal for your rivals. Throught my life I have studied in both competitive and non-competitive places in India. And no also infra, classes and prospects were brighter in the former, the people were just not up to the mark. On the flip side while the latter lacked these facilities, they had way much warmer people so much so that I never had a single bad experience/memory from that place .

I say this as someone who has been kind to everyone. It's not worth it. The people that I have seen succeeding in law are always those scheming douche bags who are always trying one up you. They resort to manipulation to capture all institutions. Nobody succeeds just by being good. All successful people are evil. The only thing that varies is the degree of wickedness. Some resort to it in less measure, some go full throttle. Anyways, I have maintained my inner goodness because it helps me sleep at night. For people with questionable morals, they can sleep at night even after harming others. If all you care about is succeeding at all cost then being nice is not worth it. If you care about your peace and consciencence then it's worth it.

All the jerks tell themselves they are jerks because everyone else is. That's just an excuse. You can limit who you help and when. Niceness doesn't mean you owe everyone your time. But be nice. Notice who is nice to you. Over time you will accumulate a close circle of nice people and you will be happier than all the horrible selfish people. They may become partner before you but it will bring them no joy because they will be slimy and distrustful and be among people who are also like that. Over time the nice person is the one left with the real smile on their face. But it only works if you protect your time and don't resentfully do favors. When you do them, do them genuinely.

It's not worth being nice at all. Be selfish in life. Good deeds do NOT pay. NOBODY returns a favour or cares for you being nice to them, unless they want to date you.

In the professional sphere, you have to be selfish for what you want, be it money, positions etc. You can help others, but do NOT expect it back in return.

Twice bitten, forever shy