Hey, so I was a long term intern at this reputed law firm, and somehow managed to convert it. Joined as an a0 in December 23( i am bo23). This associate, around 25, who was always kind to me and gave me the easiest work possible, started taking a 'special' interest in me. I hooked up with her thinking it to be harmless. Now it has grown into a full on commitment. I am usually supposed to go back to my home town on the weekends, but now she insists i spend Saturday with her. I leave the office around 7 daily, but now I have to wait till 8;30 for her to leave and we both usually lock up the office as we're the last to leave. We even made out once when no one was around. She's all over my office life and it's tough to get on with work when she's constantly disturbing. To top it all of I hear she's quite promiscuous and hangs around with a ton of guys. Help me guys, how do I leave this 'relationship" without jeopardising my future?
Women don't take rejection well. You need to break it up gently and be firm. Do not give in on a particular evening. Draw boundaries and be respectful. Don't be rude at any point and do not be seen with any other female in the office.
It is easier when the girl feel she is the one who wanted to move on all along but just didn't realise it at the time.
All the best! In the future, do not 'commit' to a colleague and do not hook up with a colleague without going into these Ifs and Buts.
Either she willl file a rape case (false promise of marriage or some other crap) / sexual harassment case before the cops. Or she will atleast file a sexual harassment case before your companies HR. Women don't take rejection easily.
Either way you are the looser. Her name won't even come to light.
Handle it carefully is good advice. But the rest of post suggests poster has never been in a relationship / doesn't know any human women, if they believe every single workplace relationship will result in at least a POSH complaint.
Highly doubt you've ever been with those kinds of insecure women, Mod. Although, you speak like some r'ship guru. It's very scary and exhausting. And I understand your position, OP. You need to just ghost her out of your life. Don't say anything bad or anything misleading and just walk away.
Spot on! There is a good chance that this will happen and your life will be destroyed. Don't go for the breakup directly. Instead, ignore her. The misuse of rape/sexual harassment laws by privileged women is a real thing.
So let me get this straight. A woman was nice to you. You decided to take advantage by making it physical. Then when she started expecting a little respect and consideration, you felt outrage. And instead of discussing each others' expectations with her like an adult, you are here whining and slutshaming her. Eww. I hope she dumps your ass asap. You are a shitty colleague, a shitty friend and frankly a shitty man. Please learn to communicate like an adult.
How did OP decide to take "advantage" of a senior colleague "by taking it physical"? Are you implying that OP raped her? Or that the senior female colleague didn't have any agency in that decision?
A senior colleague sleeping around with an intern (regardless of the gender of both the parties) must be condemned since it has the potential for abuse of power.
You have every right to criticize OP for implying that the girl sleeps around, although calling someone "promiscuous" isn't really slut shaming - it felt like a statement justifying the incongruence that OP feels. How I read that was "she is making this out to be a relationship while also sleeping around with other guys".
This is the sort of uneducated and kneejerk woke-ism that I just cannot comprehend.
She was just nice to him when he was an intern. She appears to be just a year or two older which is hardly 'senior'. He decided to hit on her since she was being nice, and quite obviously didn't make it clear that he was just in it to fuck around. There are many kinds of taking advantage before getting to rape and many kinds of assholes that aren't rapists. Calling someone promiscuous is a classic case of slut shaming. Read a book some day and you'll understand these words have meanings that won't go away if you sneeringly dismiss them as 'woke' and 'knee jerk'.
Same happened with me. I am a male associate at a T1 and was nice to a female intern. Then she started getting too close and we hooked up. I fell in love with her while she used my power to get a PPO and then left me. She was obviously in it for sex and using me to get a job. Is this rape?
Not commentibg on other parts of your answer. But if you read carefully, HE didn't call her promiscuous, he just mentioned what he heard in office. And of course a man will be scared to commit to a woman with alleged multiple partners
Yeah so he says. He could be making it up or repeating a rumor that started because of her relationship with him only. There is no of course about a man expecting virginity from women while he hooks up without a thought. Like if you are an uncle then act like an uncle no? Don’t sleep around and bitch about it.
Iska ek simple solution hae, be boring in front of her, like show her nothing interesting is left in you now. Stop joking in front of her. Smile but don't put your opinion forward when she asks for one. If you do, it will look like you are invested. Be dumb. For a while, start following the Brahmacharya Kae rules. For example, if you drink and go to a party and she also does that, try to show you are trying to be a changed man; don't go to parties where she is going. Indirectly show her your detachment. As you may heard "small milate jaao , large banatae jaao". It will be a process, be a man of focus, commitment, and sheer will.
I'm not sure what advice I can give you except that you should avoid getting into (i) relationships with co-workers, and (ii) relationships with a senior co-worker. These rarely end well, in my experience.
I do have some questions for you to consider:
1. Which "reputed law firm" lets you run off to your home town on weekends and lets you leave at 7 p.m. on a regular basis? Considering the 20,000 posts on LI whingeing about late hours and no WLB, this firm sounds imaginary. If it is real, then hang onto this job, buddy. On the other hand, if it is real, then your honeymoon period might be coming to an end quite soon and errant office romances will be the least of your worries :)
2. Which "reputed firm" is comfortable with its associates locking up the office (at 8.30 p.m. or otherwise)? Or are you trying to pass off a Tis Hazari chamber as a "reputed law firm"?
3. You claim that you are in a "full on" committed relationship with your older female companion, and that she's "all over" your "office life". Ergo, she clearly spends a lot of time with you. Have you considered that maybe she REALLY likes you? In which case, how are you thinking of ending the relationship basis hearsay that she's promiscuous?
4. Hanging around with a ton of guys doesn't mean she's promiscuous. To quote a character from my favourite TV show - "I've had drinks at the Soviet embassy. That doesn't make me a Russian spy."
5. Spending weekends with your partner is a given if you're in a relationship (of your choosing, I might add). Just because she works in the same firm as you doesn't mean she'll conveniently vanish on days the office is shut. That's not how relationships work.
Bro, I've been in a similar situation before. My advice to you is to try to handle this calmly and ensure you're not emotionally attached to her. If you are, there's bad news for you – make sure to detach yourself first. My own relationship ended abruptly on similar grounds, resulting in one of the worst heartbreaks I've ever experienced. Things escalated to the point where I even got a restraining order from the police, all this happened after the girl had expressed her desire to marry me.
P.S: Please be very very careful and control your emotions, also make sure that she is not a covert narcissist, distance yourself from slowly.
It is easier when the girl feel she is the one who wanted to move on all along but just didn't realise it at the time.
All the best! In the future, do not 'commit' to a colleague and do not hook up with a colleague without going into these Ifs and Buts.
Either she willl file a rape case (false promise of marriage or some other crap) / sexual harassment case before the cops. Or she will atleast file a sexual harassment case before your companies HR. Women don't take rejection easily.
Either way you are the looser. Her name won't even come to light.
A senior colleague sleeping around with an intern (regardless of the gender of both the parties) must be condemned since it has the potential for abuse of power.
You have every right to criticize OP for implying that the girl sleeps around, although calling someone "promiscuous" isn't really slut shaming - it felt like a statement justifying the incongruence that OP feels. How I read that was "she is making this out to be a relationship while also sleeping around with other guys".
This is the sort of uneducated and kneejerk woke-ism that I just cannot comprehend.
I do have some questions for you to consider:
1. Which "reputed law firm" lets you run off to your home town on weekends and lets you leave at 7 p.m. on a regular basis? Considering the 20,000 posts on LI whingeing about late hours and no WLB, this firm sounds imaginary. If it is real, then hang onto this job, buddy. On the other hand, if it is real, then your honeymoon period might be coming to an end quite soon and errant office romances will be the least of your worries :)
2. Which "reputed firm" is comfortable with its associates locking up the office (at 8.30 p.m. or otherwise)? Or are you trying to pass off a Tis Hazari chamber as a "reputed law firm"?
3. You claim that you are in a "full on" committed relationship with your older female companion, and that she's "all over" your "office life". Ergo, she clearly spends a lot of time with you. Have you considered that maybe she REALLY likes you? In which case, how are you thinking of ending the relationship basis hearsay that she's promiscuous?
4. Hanging around with a ton of guys doesn't mean she's promiscuous. To quote a character from my favourite TV show - "I've had drinks at the Soviet embassy. That doesn't make me a Russian spy."
5. Spending weekends with your partner is a given if you're in a relationship (of your choosing, I might add). Just because she works in the same firm as you doesn't mean she'll conveniently vanish on days the office is shut. That's not how relationships work.
P.S: Please be very very careful and control your emotions, also make sure that she is not a covert narcissist, distance yourself from slowly.
Golden rule- Never date/hookup at your workplace specially when its a law firm.
Aur jis chiz ko manzil tak nahi pahucha sakte usse ek sundar mod par chorh dena chaiye.
Get out of it without causing trauma to yourself and the girl.
December 2023, We tied the Knot. OFFICE ROMANCE WORKS