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I am a 4th-year law student. I have always been a shy and introverted person all my life. I have been performing well in law school, however, I can't have a simple conversation with seniors at internships without fumbling. My mind stops working while talking and I have no idea what to say next. I have observed my posture also becomes very stiff in such situations. This problem is irrespective of the language I speak but happens always when I converse in English (I speak in fluent English when I am around people I am comfortable with). I also fear public speaking but do it anyway.
I want to fix this problem but don't know where to start. Please share if you had similar experiences in law school and if possible suggest possible solutions to overcome confidence issues.
To become slightly more philosophical, we are all dead in the long run as Keynes famously said. The powers that be, whether it be God or just dumb luck, have given you the gift of being alive on this lovely planet for a few decades. Do you want to squander this time by being afraid of dumb things? Please keep in mind that I do not mean to trivialise your feelings, even I used to like you. I just want to point out that the things which make you nervous are very insignificant in the final analysis.
My advice: focus on your grades. The rest will come
One thing I’ve learned the hard way is that you don’t need to restrict your work circle to people at the same PQE, age group or fellow interns. At one point, I did that and found it limiting, especially when that group wasn’t very supportive. It’s completely okay to step back from such circles. Instead, I’ve benefited far more from being around people—whether senior or junior—who are open, encouraging, and value what I bring to the table.
Indifference- This is of utmost importance imo. If you hold the other person in high regard, put them on a pedestal in your head, you’re signalling your brain that you’re inferior -> resulting in it being overly critical of itself -> leading to overthinking during the most banal of small talks.
Breath work- General anxiety causes short breaths with a stiff core and gut. Due to this deep breaths feel unnatural and often performative. Read judgements out loud, shouting from the base of your gut and not straining your throat. Keep varying speed, volume and intonation- ultimately striving towards sounding as natural as possible. It helps to pretend you’re in front of the bench or sitting at a mediation.
Proof of work- Self awareness won’t do jack unless your brain knows it has the capacity to get out of hardships. Since you’ve been doing good academically and you already know how to push out of your comfort zone during public speaking, you have only minor things to work on. Remind yourself of the last difficult situation that you successfully got out of and then talk to strangers with that temporary confidence. Make purposeful eye contact, keep the breath in check, don’t think about how you might be coming off, try to initiate banter regardless of the other person’s gender (trying to be funny is way more important than landing a good joke).
Self improvement- The only source of permanent confidence. Get above average at a skill, preferably that can be publicly exhibited, but do it nonetheless if it cannot. Hit the gym, not necessarily to be in shape, but the endorphins that are released in the morning help you out till late evenings, even later. Watch content that increases your focus time and not one that gives you short bursts of dopamine. You don’t want to wire your brain to anticipate every conversation to be interesting/engaging. You need to be / appear to be invested in the other person if they bore you.
Teach- Since you have one more year left, try to take tutorials. 4th year was relatively free when I was in law school (23 grad). When you learn with the goal of teaching, it not only builds expertise for yourself but also increases clarity in dissemination of information. If you have the time, try to look into parliamentary debates of old statutes when they were bills, what was the socioeconomic status of the country during a landmark judgement was passed etc.-> knowing a “fun fact” or an off angle insight will prompt your brain to blurt it out and eventually become an interesting speaker.
All the best, make the best of the remaining year, don’t curl up in your bed after class, idk you but remember: not drinking does not put you at a higher moral ground- it is only a personal choice; and failure is simply another chance to excel.