Ignore all the trolls below, or the naive frontbenchers telling you to "be yourself, and it doesn't matter". It absolutely matters, or you won't get re-invited to the right parties. If you don't know your way around alcohol, you will stick out in some circles.

First of all, you're framing your question wrong. It's not just about what to order. The more important thing is what NOT to do. You need to just get the basics right, and not be laughed at.

Here's everything you need to know.

1. First, as someone said, only wine, whiskey and gin carry cachet.

2. Do not order beer. This is the easiest way to appear nouveau riche/ clueless. Only college kids order it. There are plausible exceptions for craft beer and other hipster things, but its easiest to just ignore beer.

3. Do not order rum. This is the second easiest way to appear clueless. Only college kids order it. Work meetings are the wrong time to revert to Old Monk Nostalgia from college. Again, there are exceptions like Kraken and some Spanish rum, but that is for advanced drinkers, so avoid for now.

3. Do not order vodka. This is the third easiest way to appear clueless. It is uncool and has no cachet.

4. Whiskey. First of all, do not order soda. See above comments about college kids.

5. Only have whiskey with ice ("on the rocks"). It's also OK to have whiskey with some water, but just a "splash". 1 parts whiskey to 3 parts water is generally a good ratio. Any more water and you'll open yourself up to ridicule.

6. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY LIKE WATER. Sip it slowly. The snobbish whiskey journals advise you to take nothing more than a sip of around a few drops, and let it coat your tongue, before swallowing it. A 30 ml pour should last you around 15-20 sips.

7. It's OK not to know the intricacies of whiskey brands, but here's the basics. Whiskey is divided into "single malt" (it is only made from one distillery) and "blended whiskey" (whiskey from many distilleries is blended into a consistent taste). Single malt is way up there on snob value, because of the "purity" and "unique character".

8. If you're a beginner, it's OK to stick to blends, but order the right brands. Price is generally a good indicator. Just download a few bar menus from Zomato and learn about different brands, then order things that are close in price to the brands I've listed below. But that comes with caveats. Firstly, DO NOT go for Chivas Regal or Johnny Walker Red Label. These are for nouveau riche types who dont understand whiskey, and it is mostly uncles who drink these along with chicken tikka. Order Johnny Walker Double Black ("it is slightly smoky, but not too smoky") or Monkey Shoulder. DO NOT order Johnny Walker Blue Label, unless someone offers it to you first.

9. If you're a beginner, there are some good single malts that are not too intimidating. Avoid Glenfiddich (pronounced Glen-fiddick, DO NOT say "fiditch"), since too many people know it. Glenlivet, Jura or Talisker are all good brands. It is also OK to order Amrut Fusion (Indian brand, but well regarded) or anything Japanese.

10. If the above brands are not available and you're stuck, don't worry. Audibly ask for JW Double Black or Talisker, and if they say that's not available then just pick something at random that isn't Chivas Regal or Glenfiddich.

11. Openly say you've mostly only had (insert brand from above) because you love the taste, but have not had too many other whiskies. Don't try to fake it beyond that. If you've done everything above, you've done enough to blend in (sorry not sorry) and not become a laughing stock.

12. Gin. First of all, the most important thing with gin is not the gin . It's the tonic water. Start by asking what tonic water they have. Fevertree is the gold standard, but Franklin is also good. Otherwise get Sepoy or Jimmys. If you don't want it too sweet, get Svami. As a last resort, take Schweppes. DO NOT ORDER SPRITE OR 7 UP OR COKE WITH GIN.

13.You can drink whiskey without ice, but you need ice for gin. At least 3 cubes, though even 8-10 cubes is OK. Use that to decide when to order what (time of day, weather). Generally, cold weather= whiskey with single or no ice cube, warm weather = gin. Daytime= gin, night= whiskey, but gin is also OK at night.

14. With gin, there are lots of brands, but there are a few that are "safe". Bombay Sapphire, Tanqueray, Hendricks are all good in foreign gins. For Indian gins, Hapusa and Stranger and Sons are good. Avoid Beefeater, Gordons and Greater Than.

15. Most gins are citrusy, so you can have them with a slice of lemon. The exception is Hendricks. You need to have Hendricks with cucumber, and preferably with cucumber tonic water. DO NOT HAVE HENDRICKS WITH LEMON.

16. Avoid cocktails, unless the people you want to impress are also having them. DO NOT ever order Long Island Ice Tea. They use cheap alcohol and you will get a headache. Avoid Margaritas and Mojitos. Avoid anything with Blue Curacao. If you don't have an option with cocktails, just order a martini. Read the room and see if you can order a pinacolada. It's also very safe to ask the server if they can make a hot cocktail for you, and then go with whatever they recommend.

17. Slowly start reading about whiskies and gins, and trying them out with friends or even on your own. Use the above tips, until you get there.

Hope this helps. Will do a Part 2 on wine if I have time.