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I started repreparing for the exam again and the exam is in 4 months but mentally I am feeling screwed, lack of interest in doing things and unsatisfied with my life in general.
So throughout my high school I made acads my full focus with a bit of sports and never tried dating at all(under the notion that my career and grades will get affected),and now I feel that was a terrible decision as I am not gonna be anyone's first love, no one's priority and the only love I will ever receive is going to be in the form of how much I can provide and not for what I am as a person.
Like I used to have a lot of interests but most of them just faded away during COVID Era and now I have no interest in regaining them for some reason. I just feel behind my peer group in everything and never going to catch them up,it just feels that maybe I should have born 20 years early than my actual birth year.
Also Whosesoever I trust betrays me after a few months(and this is not for just situationships but also friendships) which has left a sour taste in me and to not trust anyone although I want to.
Sometimes I just want to lay my head on my mom's lap and just cry and talk about what I am going through just like I used to when I was a child and find solace,but I can't do that anymore(she was the only woman who loved me truly and unconditionally and I am disappointing her)
So I would be actually be very grateful to the people here to give me some advices on what I shall do and get out of the mess of a situation I find myself in :)
PS:- this isn't just about relationships,even friends and all too,there is literally no one who understands and with whom I can share how I feel(I got some friends but none with whom I can share what I am truly going through and be unfiltered)
Just wrote it cuz I didn't want trolls to come up to me and say that's what happens when u get in with reservation.