What do you guys think about marrying a non-lawyer? I'm dating one and I find it hard to explain my partner that I tell only facts about the law firm culture and not just keep cribbing. Stress from work is impacting my relationship and I am not sure how life will be in long terms if I marry a non-lawyer.
From personal experience, I can say marrying a non-lawyer keeps you sane and broadens your mind to things outside the legal world. If you worried about being available and an understanding Partner, make sure you marry someone who is as engaged and busy in his/her work. Lawyers are not the only ones with a crazy work life.
I married a non- lawyer and she has trouble understanding why do I need to be on internal calls between 11 pm to 4 am, why do I need to send out an engagement letter within 20 minutes of my boss calling me, even though I may be visiting a doctor, why do I need to think 1000 times before asking my boss for a day's leave, why do I need to work on my birthday, her birthday and our anniversary. She just does not understand why it cannot be a normal job where I shut down my laptop at 10 pm at night everyday. If I had married a top tier law firm lawyer, she would probably understand. Not that the marriage would be a blissful one. My wife (non-lawyer) thinks it was a mistake marrying a law firm guy and I can only agree
Sorry for the divergent view but true story folks.
I know someone in my family that has a job exactly like that, not law firm though. His spouse has similar difficulty understanding this beck-and-call work culture and resents him for it.
Sometimes I feel, do I live only to do work. Thanks to my wife, who has so far managed with me with just a two-day holiday in the last three years. My job is seriously making me test her patience. Instead of an offsite, law firms should give their associates compulsory off with paid holiday packages.
At least, you are accepting that but some people so selfish and full of themselves that they not only belittle their partners also make them crazy for asking bare minimum in a relationship. On the other hand, after work they have their me time in which they are alone watching, surfing doing all sorts of fun alone. After that comes their family(mother and father), then friends and then spouse. I am at last in his priority list. It is so difficult to make him understand that after work keep me your priority. This relationship is draining and exhausting.
Having married a lawyer and a corporate lawyer to that, I can say that I wish I had married a non-lawyer, or at least a litigating lawyer because both our lives suck and we end up discussing work even when we are free. A non-lawyer would have given me a different perspective and would have made our conversations a little invigorating. If you have the chance, get variety, it is the spice of life. It depends on what you want for dinner, murg musalam or beans on toast.
Unfortunately, my husband wants to talk about similar things he has been talking the entire day. Sometimes i get along but not all the time... I also need my opinion and feelings to be heard. He should have married a person from same occupation.
Marrying a non-lawyer will be good for you actually. You don't have to speak about law firm culture. Gain insights into your partner's world, and then it will help you come out of the culture bubble that you are in.
How is marrying a non lawyer a legit option (assuming not an arranged marriage)? Where do you meet these people? My social circle is almost entirely lawyers!!
Join book clubs, cycling clubs or anything of that sort of your interest. Travel solo. Speak to strangers while in flight/long train journeys. Meet school friend who are not lawyers. Friends of flatmates. Cousins. Friends of siblings/cousins at house parties. Quora.
Personal Exp: I married a non lawyer. I got divorced 2 years later. Dating a lawyer since last year - super happy.
Advice for you: If your relationship has problems, then its because your relationship has problems, and not because one of you is a lawyer. Resolve them / find some one else.
Borrowing from 1.1: Mera jawaab utna hi subjective hai, jitna tera sawaal.
Update: Its been 2 years of dating now, with my corp lawyer gf. About to get married. Couldn't have been happier. In my case, marrying a non-lawyer was a mistake. Like I said, no fixed rules here.
As someone who is dating an economist, I can personally state my satisfaction at being with someone who I can have passionate theoretical conversations with, and someone who brings non-legal perspectives to contentious issues I work on.
I'd say being with anyone who understands what you do would be a comfortable thing, and if it can still be a non-lawyer, that's about as non-toxic and interesting as it gets.
[Not repeating the faltu line.. because at this point, it should just be implied!]
I realised very early in law school that my life partner would be a non-lawyer simply because lawyers - especially the high functioning ones - are way way too full of themselves (and that includes me).
My wife has taught me empathy, kindness, being real with myself and honesty. Faffing is such an easy thing for us as lawyers, because that is a sought after trait in our profession - and my wife ensures I don't bring it to my personal life.
At work, I'm known as an easy going but high functioning partner. I take calls for my clients and sometimes run matters with an iron fist.
But once I dial out of work, I'm still an easy going lazy ass fellow who gets scolded for ordering that memory foam mattress on amazon, or for ordering from Dominos when I know its unhealthy etc.
It helps me find balance and helps me find perspective. Ultimately it is about who you find as a life partner and that has nothing to do with whether they are a lawyer or not (as others have said), but my conclusion basis MY experience is that, having a non-lawyer for a wife has made my life much much better.
So staying single, eating alone, sleeping alone, no cuddling, no romance, no couple arguments, no vacations, no movie and dinner dates, no children - seems to be the one and only way left after reading this whole thread! Hey bhagwan! Utha le re baba! Arrey yeh law firm waalo ko nahi re, mere ko hi utha le!
Wow. You just described how I've been living my life for the past 3 years. I’m taking a screen shot because I finally know what to tell people about how I live.
Lawyer or non-lawyer what is important is that the person understands the demands of your job, let’s you do it and most important can tell you to let go if things get too much. I married a non-lawyer who has kept me grounded and sane. He did not complain when I worked long nights, weekends or holidays. He stepped up to fill in for me when I could not devote as much time to our child. And his most important contribution he recognised when I had reached my breaking point and supported me when I said that I wanted to quit. Didn’t matter if we went from two pay checks to one. The EMIs, the rent, the school fees all could be worked around but my sanity could not. That is what you should look for in a life partner. Lawyer or non lawyer doesn’t matter.
Will you please help me in getting a life partner who has all these qualities and isn't a lawyer? I don't have the time to search for one tbh. My details are: Skin tone - Wheatish Height - 5 feet 8 inches Bank balance - Bohot hain kyunki kharcha karne ka time nahi milta. Qualities to look out for - Doing dishes, washing, cooking, etc. (Lockdown has made me an expert)
P.S. Jokes apart....your comment is really inspiring and I wish you all the happiness with your special person.
It is really sad that lawyers can't talk about anything other than law. Never dated a lawyer and I'm married to a non-lawyer. So glad! There is soooo much more to life than cheap law firm gossip.
I am married to a non-lawyer. My partner helped me gain perspective of the little things and big picture things in life. Gave me the courage to leave a horrible job, and supported me through a turbulent time when I had no idea about next steps. If it wasn’t for him, I’d still be in a rut. As someone else pointed out on this thread, it is important that your partner is ambitious and hard working. They may not understand your decisions or even the nature of your job but if they respect your choices, that’s enough. At some point in life you may have to compromise to make time for them. But that’s every single relationship/marriage. Sometimes you meet them at their end, other times they meet you at yours, and in an ideal situation you meet in the middle.
Pls drop me a line, I am looking for mature friends in different states. Apparenntly I am unable to relate to modern world and gen Z culture. Want to more about how people navigate mid life crisis , career choices. ( Telegram - https://t.me/zxcvasdf_0 ) , username and profile name will be changed after we connect. Take Care.
Aeons ago, I used to be married to a partner in a tier 2 law firm. I am a non lawyer. Our marriage didnt break down because of our professions- I am myself a busy professional and therefore was understanding of his. I would ask you and anyone else in fact humbly to pay heed to the following generic opinions of mine if you want to see some success in the long term in your relationship :1. Do not rush into settle down, this nearly 2023. Whatever time your law firm spares, take time out for dating- get to know that person really well.
2. Be in tune with your own emotions- if you are not ready for marriage or perhaps don't immediately have the bandwidth to handle a formal relationship, have the courage to say no to someone no matter how attractive the person is- its important that you be ready for a relationship before you find the right person for it.
3. Relationships come with boundaries- Please cut those apron strings if you haven't already. Let me tell you its a huge turn off these days. Women will be perfectly fine supporting your parents and living with them. What they won't be fine is your parents dominating the girls, intruding in your decision making process as a couple and choking both your personal lives in their own insecurity of losing their Vakeelraja beta to a girl. Your marriage and your spouse both need space and time. If other than just sleeping with your wife, you just make time for work and mummyji, beta tum single raho aur casual relationships mein hi hoya karo. Yehi best hai- sabke liye. In marriage you need to manage both your time and other relationships. Marriage is a clear balancing act between your spouse and your parents. You need to know when to support which party, when to oppose whom and when to back off. Sometimes as a mature man, you will be forced to stand up to your parents while defending your spouse. Please marry only if you are ready for this. Yeh hindustan hai. Lawyer ho ya na ho, Aakhir tum bhi kisi ke bete to ho! Aaj bhi talaaq hone ka ek urban reason yeh hi problem hai. Samaj lo aur sudhar jao !
4. Set clear expectations- discuss finances, your outlook on family and relationships, your professional ambitions. Make sure she discusses hers as well. If it matches, great. If not, see where you can adjust or accept. If its clear incompatibility, learn to say an amicable friendly no. Have no hard feelings if things dont work out. You individual happiness and peace of mind, cannot be tampered with for the sake of a relationship. If there's an I do in the horizon, make sure you go for premarital counselling ( The only downside is there are parts of the fraternity that are too conservative in their outlook, looking at tools like counselling with a condescending gaze or stigma- that doesn't bode well for modern relationships) 5. If you are a litigator. Don't litigate with your spouse or your date. ever. She will be forced to don her civilian hat and defend herself. Be her BF, date, casual, husband whatever, but the moment you become a lawyer at home, she will automatically turn defensive. I remember choosing to dump your Uncleji after his finely worded falsely accusatory speech where he abused his profession as a litigator and his knowledge of law.At home. With his wife. Needless to say I left him. No regrets there. I could either save myself against a veiled threat/blackmail or save my relationship. Eazy choice hai naa?. From my experience I would say, if she is a non lawyer help her build trust you as a person. 6. Reason rather than argue. Be open to reflections and introspections by yourself and with your partner. Please make sure you don't come across as someone who is full of himself and his work. 7.Please respect other professions. Disrespecting someone's profession is a sureshot turn off. You do not have to necessarily understand the nuances of the work, but respect it as your better half's source of financial independence. Please treat her as your equal. Makes sure she reciprocates.
8.If you are stressed about time managing around work, tell her upfront or take her help in working out some time for the two of you. Set expectations early on and stick to them. No need to act like an over anxious aashique during the honeymoon period and then go AWOL-Uncleji used to bail out on dates at last minute and pompously say that law was a jealous mistress. My extremely predictable reaction: cringe. By the way a lot of other professions/ organizations are extremely strenuous, think product managers, think consulting companies, big 4. Unless u work in a PSU there is no such thing as a 9 to 5 these days. Please wake up and smell coffee. Sure non lawyer girl will easily understand your schedule.
9. You need to work continuously at a relationship. And yes any relationship can work even if two people in the relationship are career driven and ambitious, working around the clock. Build a healthy support system, own your life, own major decisions in your life, as a couple, like building finances, saving, investments, asset creation, having and raising kids etc. Continue to continuously and jointly work on keeping your relationship alive and healthy. 50% of this is your hardwork and its the other 50% that's hers. Biwi doesn't automatically bring all of this on a nice sone ki thaali!
10. Don't pick or judge someone by their profession.In the face of bias, you risk losing out on a really nice person I still value the legal profession despite my messy relationship with Uncleji.
Yours Truly,
Abhi to single, but ever ready to mindle Pammi Aunty
P.S Sorry for the bahut lamba message puttar! Dil khol ke baat jo karni thi humey! Jeete raho beta!
Aree shaadi hi kyun karni hai? Stay single forever. Adopt a kid or two of you wanna leave a "legacy" and want someone to be by your side on your deathbed. If you are in corporate law, chances are you will be getting a divorce sooner or later... divorces are ugly, and taxing in several ways. To avoid all that, the best thing you can do is stay single or only get married in your late 30s, you would have enough money by then so you can retire from the corporate world and join a less demanding sector.
On the contrary, I have always wanted to marry a lawyer and that preference still remains. I would prefer to marry/date a lawyer over a non-lawyer. 2 out of my 3 ex boyfriends have also been lawyers. I just think that (personally) I bond better with a lawyer, we are more like minded and have a lot more to talk about. It's always fun to have a nice debate, and idk how to explain it but a lawyer just gets you, understands the pressures of the profession, and how demanding it can be. Also, I'm socially awkward, so it's just easier to break the ice with a lawyer, and there will ALWAYS be something to talk about with a lawyer. Lastly, (and this is totally in my head) but I generally view lawyers as more intellectually compatible with me than non lawyers.
Also, given how long our working hours are, how do you even meet and bond with non lawyers lmao?
Sorry puttars -- but this mail ID was created and shared for genuine purposes in case any lawyer with relationship woes wanted a listening ear.. this is deactivated now ..
Certain not to play sugar mommy as some desperate bloke has suggested. On a more serious note, I just stumbled upon this forum when I was doing some research about lawyer divorces. A lot of articles of lawyer divorces somehow make the profession a centrepiece of the discussion when it shouldn't. In all honesty if I can help lend clarity to a few people here, save a few relationships, through discussing my experiences atleast via this forum, it would really help me lift some weight off my chest. If you have a problem with me being on legally india still - I am sorry I cannot help you - maybe you can appeal to Kian to ban me..
I am an A1 married to a lawyer turned businessman. We dated for 3 years before tying the knot, so you can tell that I knew him well enough before entrusting him with my life.
Very honestly, I have the best of both the worlds. Since, he was at one point a part of the fraternity, its easier for me to explain and tell him what I do in a day, he understands how transactions take place, how drafts get negotiated, counsels get briefed, the functioning of the High Court, how orders are passed, how hectic it gets at times, etc.
On the flip side, since he's ventured out of law into business, he brings in a fresh breathe of air into my life. As a person, he's the most easy going chill
PS: yeh jawaab utna hi faaltu hai jitna tera sawaal hai.
Lawyer partner will understand but stay away for long (just as you will) then cheat with an office mate. You will divorce.
Morning sunshine for you.
Neither you, nor her.
I married a non- lawyer and she has trouble understanding why do I need to be on internal calls between 11 pm to 4 am, why do I need to send out an engagement letter within 20 minutes of my boss calling me, even though I may be visiting a doctor, why do I need to think 1000 times before asking my boss for a day's leave, why do I need to work on my birthday, her birthday and our anniversary. She just does not understand why it cannot be a normal job where I shut down my laptop at 10 pm at night everyday. If I had married a top tier law firm lawyer, she would probably understand. Not that the marriage would be a blissful one. My wife (non-lawyer) thinks it was a mistake marrying a law firm guy and I can only agree
Sorry for the divergent view but true story folks.
1. Model or actress
2. Doctor
3. IAS officer
4. A "real" lawyer who goes to court and argues and can save me out of a jam if I need help
Aisa kya mahanta ka kaam kiya hai aapne ki woh aapse shaadi karega/karegi? Literally do not understand the privilege people feel about themselves.
Go to ORN once. See the crowd. You will realize the quality of people aspiring for such jobs. And get out of this law bubble.
Join book clubs, cycling clubs or anything of that sort of your interest. Travel solo. Speak to strangers while in flight/long train journeys. Meet school friend who are not lawyers. Friends of flatmates. Cousins. Friends of siblings/cousins at house parties. Quora.
Requires a decent personality
Most corporate lawyers are obnoxious anyway
Advice for you: If your relationship has problems, then its because your relationship has problems, and not because one of you is a lawyer. Resolve them / find some one else.
Borrowing from 1.1: Mera jawaab utna hi subjective hai, jitna tera sawaal.
I'd say being with anyone who understands what you do would be a comfortable thing, and if it can still be a non-lawyer, that's about as non-toxic and interesting as it gets.
[Not repeating the faltu line.. because at this point, it should just be implied!]
My wife has taught me empathy, kindness, being real with myself and honesty. Faffing is such an easy thing for us as lawyers, because that is a sought after trait in our profession - and my wife ensures I don't bring it to my personal life.
At work, I'm known as an easy going but high functioning partner. I take calls for my clients and sometimes run matters with an iron fist.
But once I dial out of work, I'm still an easy going lazy ass fellow who gets scolded for ordering that memory foam mattress on amazon, or for ordering from Dominos when I know its unhealthy etc.
It helps me find balance and helps me find perspective. Ultimately it is about who you find as a life partner and that has nothing to do with whether they are a lawyer or not (as others have said), but my conclusion basis MY experience is that, having a non-lawyer for a wife has made my life much much better.
Hey bhagwan! Utha le re baba! Arrey yeh law firm waalo ko nahi re, mere ko hi utha le!
My details are:
Skin tone - Wheatish
Height - 5 feet 8 inches
Bank balance - Bohot hain kyunki kharcha karne ka time nahi milta.
Qualities to look out for - Doing dishes, washing, cooking, etc. (Lockdown has made me an expert)
P.S. Jokes apart....your comment is really inspiring and I wish you all the happiness with your special person.
Regards,
Pammi Aunty.
Pammi aunty this side!
Aeons ago, I used to be married to a partner in a tier 2 law firm. I am a non lawyer. Our marriage didnt break down because of our professions- I am myself a busy professional and therefore was understanding of his. I would ask you and anyone else in fact humbly to pay heed to the following generic opinions of mine if you want to see some success in the long term in your relationship :1. Do not rush into settle down, this nearly 2023. Whatever time your law firm spares, take time out for dating- get to know that person really well.
2. Be in tune with your own emotions- if you are not ready for marriage or perhaps don't immediately have the bandwidth to handle a formal relationship, have the courage to say no to someone no matter how attractive the person is- its important that you be ready for a relationship before you find the right person for it.
3. Relationships come with boundaries- Please cut those apron strings if you haven't already. Let me tell you its a huge turn off these days. Women will be perfectly fine supporting your parents and living with them. What they won't be fine is your parents dominating the girls, intruding in your decision making process as a couple and choking both your personal lives in their own insecurity of losing their Vakeelraja beta to a girl. Your marriage and your spouse both need space and time. If other than just sleeping with your wife, you just make time for work and mummyji, beta tum single raho aur casual relationships mein hi hoya karo. Yehi best hai- sabke liye. In marriage you need to manage both your time and other relationships. Marriage is a clear balancing act between your spouse and your parents. You need to know when to support which party, when to oppose whom and when to back off. Sometimes as a mature man, you will be forced to stand up to your parents while defending your spouse. Please marry only if you are ready for this. Yeh hindustan hai. Lawyer ho ya na ho, Aakhir tum bhi kisi ke bete to ho! Aaj bhi talaaq hone ka ek urban reason yeh hi problem hai. Samaj lo aur sudhar jao !
4. Set clear expectations- discuss finances, your outlook on family and relationships, your professional ambitions. Make sure she discusses hers as well. If it matches, great. If not, see where you can adjust or accept. If its clear incompatibility, learn to say an amicable friendly no. Have no hard feelings if things dont work out. You individual happiness and peace of mind, cannot be tampered with for the sake of a relationship. If there's an I do in the horizon, make sure you go for premarital counselling ( The only downside is there are parts of the fraternity that are too conservative in their outlook, looking at tools like counselling with a condescending gaze or stigma- that doesn't bode well for modern relationships)
5. If you are a litigator. Don't litigate with your spouse or your date. ever. She will be forced to don her civilian hat and defend herself. Be her BF, date, casual, husband whatever, but the moment you become a lawyer at home, she will automatically turn defensive. I remember choosing to dump your Uncleji after his finely worded falsely accusatory speech where he abused his profession as a litigator and his knowledge of law.At home. With his wife. Needless to say I left him. No regrets there. I could either save myself against a veiled threat/blackmail or save my relationship. Eazy choice hai naa?. From my experience I would say, if she is a non lawyer help her build trust you as a person.
6. Reason rather than argue. Be open to reflections and introspections by yourself and with your partner. Please make sure you don't come across as someone who is full of himself and his work. 7.Please respect other professions. Disrespecting someone's profession is a sureshot turn off. You do not have to necessarily understand the nuances of the work, but respect it as your better half's source of financial independence. Please treat her as your equal. Makes sure she reciprocates.
8.If you are stressed about time managing around work, tell her upfront or take her help in working out some time for the two of you. Set expectations early on and stick to them. No need to act like an over anxious aashique during the honeymoon period and then go AWOL-Uncleji used to bail out on dates at last minute and pompously say that law was a jealous mistress. My extremely predictable reaction: cringe. By the way a lot of other professions/ organizations are extremely strenuous, think product managers, think consulting companies, big 4. Unless u work in a PSU there is no such thing as a 9 to 5 these days. Please wake up and smell coffee. Sure non lawyer girl will easily understand your schedule.
9. You need to work continuously at a relationship. And yes any relationship can work even if two people in the relationship are career driven and ambitious, working around the clock. Build a healthy support system, own your life, own major decisions in your life, as a couple, like building finances, saving, investments, asset creation, having and raising kids etc. Continue to continuously and jointly work on keeping your relationship alive and healthy. 50% of this is your hardwork and its the other 50% that's hers. Biwi doesn't automatically bring all of this on a nice sone ki thaali!
10. Don't pick or judge someone by their profession.In the face of bias, you risk losing out on a really nice person I still value the legal profession despite my messy relationship with Uncleji.
Yours Truly,
Abhi to single, but ever ready to mindle Pammi Aunty
P.S Sorry for the bahut lamba message puttar! Dil khol ke baat jo karni thi humey! Jeete raho beta!
Also, given how long our working hours are, how do you even meet and bond with non lawyers lmao?
God bless
Yours,
Pammi aunty
Can u repost the mail address ? My mails aint getting delivered .
Pls connect. Serious and genuine doubts
t.me/Nuncameolvides
my username is same
t.me/Nuncameolvides
Very honestly, I have the best of both the worlds. Since, he was at one point a part of the fraternity, its easier for me to explain and tell him what I do in a day, he understands how transactions take place, how drafts get negotiated, counsels get briefed, the functioning of the High Court, how orders are passed, how hectic it gets at times, etc.
On the flip side, since he's ventured out of law into business, he brings in a fresh breathe of air into my life. As a person, he's the most easy going chill