Aeons ago, I used to be married to a partner in a tier 2 law firm. I am a non lawyer. Our marriage didnt break down because of our professions- I am myself a busy professional and therefore was understanding of his. I would ask you and anyone else in fact humbly to pay heed to the following generic opinions of mine if you want to see some success in the long term in your relationship :1. Do not rush into settle down, this nearly 2023. Whatever time your law firm spares, take time out for dating- get to know that person really well.
2. Be in tune with your own emotions- if you are not ready for marriage or perhaps don't immediately have the bandwidth to handle a formal relationship, have the courage to say no to someone no matter how attractive the person is- its important that you be ready for a relationship before you find the right person for it.
3. Relationships come with boundaries- Please cut those apron strings if you haven't already. Let me tell you its a huge turn off these days. Women will be perfectly fine supporting your parents and living with them. What they won't be fine is your parents dominating the girls, intruding in your decision making process as a couple and choking both your personal lives in their own insecurity of losing their Vakeelraja beta to a girl. Your marriage and your spouse both need space and time. If other than just sleeping with your wife, you just make time for work and mummyji, beta tum single raho aur casual relationships mein hi hoya karo. Yehi best hai- sabke liye. In marriage you need to manage both your time and other relationships. Marriage is a clear balancing act between your spouse and your parents. You need to know when to support which party, when to oppose whom and when to back off. Sometimes as a mature man, you will be forced to stand up to your parents while defending your spouse. Please marry only if you are ready for this. Yeh hindustan hai. Lawyer ho ya na ho, Aakhir tum bhi kisi ke bete to ho! Aaj bhi talaaq hone ka ek urban reason yeh hi problem hai. Samaj lo aur sudhar jao !
4. Set clear expectations- discuss finances, your outlook on family and relationships, your professional ambitions. Make sure she discusses hers as well. If it matches, great. If not, see where you can adjust or accept. If its clear incompatibility, learn to say an amicable friendly no. Have no hard feelings if things dont work out. You individual happiness and peace of mind, cannot be tampered with for the sake of a relationship. If there's an I do in the horizon, make sure you go for premarital counselling ( The only downside is there are parts of the fraternity that are too conservative in their outlook, looking at tools like counselling with a condescending gaze or stigma- that doesn't bode well for modern relationships) 5. If you are a litigator. Don't litigate with your spouse or your date. ever. She will be forced to don her civilian hat and defend herself. Be her BF, date, casual, husband whatever, but the moment you become a lawyer at home, she will automatically turn defensive. I remember choosing to dump your Uncleji after his finely worded falsely accusatory speech where he abused his profession as a litigator and his knowledge of law.At home. With his wife. Needless to say I left him. No regrets there. I could either save myself against a veiled threat/blackmail or save my relationship. Eazy choice hai naa?. From my experience I would say, if she is a non lawyer help her build trust you as a person. 6. Reason rather than argue. Be open to reflections and introspections by yourself and with your partner. Please make sure you don't come across as someone who is full of himself and his work. 7.Please respect other professions. Disrespecting someone's profession is a sureshot turn off. You do not have to necessarily understand the nuances of the work, but respect it as your better half's source of financial independence. Please treat her as your equal. Makes sure she reciprocates.
8.If you are stressed about time managing around work, tell her upfront or take her help in working out some time for the two of you. Set expectations early on and stick to them. No need to act like an over anxious aashique during the honeymoon period and then go AWOL-Uncleji used to bail out on dates at last minute and pompously say that law was a jealous mistress. My extremely predictable reaction: cringe. By the way a lot of other professions/ organizations are extremely strenuous, think product managers, think consulting companies, big 4. Unless u work in a PSU there is no such thing as a 9 to 5 these days. Please wake up and smell coffee. Sure non lawyer girl will easily understand your schedule.
9. You need to work continuously at a relationship. And yes any relationship can work even if two people in the relationship are career driven and ambitious, working around the clock. Build a healthy support system, own your life, own major decisions in your life, as a couple, like building finances, saving, investments, asset creation, having and raising kids etc. Continue to continuously and jointly work on keeping your relationship alive and healthy. 50% of this is your hardwork and its the other 50% that's hers. Biwi doesn't automatically bring all of this on a nice sone ki thaali!
10. Don't pick or judge someone by their profession.In the face of bias, you risk losing out on a really nice person I still value the legal profession despite my messy relationship with Uncleji.
Yours Truly,
Abhi to single, but ever ready to mindle Pammi Aunty
P.S Sorry for the bahut lamba message puttar! Dil khol ke baat jo karni thi humey! Jeete raho beta!
Update: Its been 2 years of dating now, with my corp lawyer gf. About to get married. Couldn't have been happier. In my case, marrying a non-lawyer was a mistake. Like I said, no fixed rules here.
On the contrary, I have always wanted to marry a lawyer and that preference still remains. I would prefer to marry/date a lawyer over a non-lawyer. 2 out of my 3 ex boyfriends have also been lawyers. I just think that (personally) I bond better with a lawyer, we are more like minded and have a lot more to talk about. It's always fun to have a nice debate, and idk how to explain it but a lawyer just gets you, understands the pressures of the profession, and how demanding it can be. Also, I'm socially awkward, so it's just easier to break the ice with a lawyer, and there will ALWAYS be something to talk about with a lawyer. Lastly, (and this is totally in my head) but I generally view lawyers as more intellectually compatible with me than non lawyers.
Also, given how long our working hours are, how do you even meet and bond with non lawyers lmao?
Pammi aunty this side!
Aeons ago, I used to be married to a partner in a tier 2 law firm. I am a non lawyer. Our marriage didnt break down because of our professions- I am myself a busy professional and therefore was understanding of his. I would ask you and anyone else in fact humbly to pay heed to the following generic opinions of mine if you want to see some success in the long term in your relationship :1. Do not rush into settle down, this nearly 2023. Whatever time your law firm spares, take time out for dating- get to know that person really well.
2. Be in tune with your own emotions- if you are not ready for marriage or perhaps don't immediately have the bandwidth to handle a formal relationship, have the courage to say no to someone no matter how attractive the person is- its important that you be ready for a relationship before you find the right person for it.
3. Relationships come with boundaries- Please cut those apron strings if you haven't already. Let me tell you its a huge turn off these days. Women will be perfectly fine supporting your parents and living with them. What they won't be fine is your parents dominating the girls, intruding in your decision making process as a couple and choking both your personal lives in their own insecurity of losing their Vakeelraja beta to a girl. Your marriage and your spouse both need space and time. If other than just sleeping with your wife, you just make time for work and mummyji, beta tum single raho aur casual relationships mein hi hoya karo. Yehi best hai- sabke liye. In marriage you need to manage both your time and other relationships. Marriage is a clear balancing act between your spouse and your parents. You need to know when to support which party, when to oppose whom and when to back off. Sometimes as a mature man, you will be forced to stand up to your parents while defending your spouse. Please marry only if you are ready for this. Yeh hindustan hai. Lawyer ho ya na ho, Aakhir tum bhi kisi ke bete to ho! Aaj bhi talaaq hone ka ek urban reason yeh hi problem hai. Samaj lo aur sudhar jao !
4. Set clear expectations- discuss finances, your outlook on family and relationships, your professional ambitions. Make sure she discusses hers as well. If it matches, great. If not, see where you can adjust or accept. If its clear incompatibility, learn to say an amicable friendly no. Have no hard feelings if things dont work out. You individual happiness and peace of mind, cannot be tampered with for the sake of a relationship. If there's an I do in the horizon, make sure you go for premarital counselling ( The only downside is there are parts of the fraternity that are too conservative in their outlook, looking at tools like counselling with a condescending gaze or stigma- that doesn't bode well for modern relationships)
5. If you are a litigator. Don't litigate with your spouse or your date. ever. She will be forced to don her civilian hat and defend herself. Be her BF, date, casual, husband whatever, but the moment you become a lawyer at home, she will automatically turn defensive. I remember choosing to dump your Uncleji after his finely worded falsely accusatory speech where he abused his profession as a litigator and his knowledge of law.At home. With his wife. Needless to say I left him. No regrets there. I could either save myself against a veiled threat/blackmail or save my relationship. Eazy choice hai naa?. From my experience I would say, if she is a non lawyer help her build trust you as a person.
6. Reason rather than argue. Be open to reflections and introspections by yourself and with your partner. Please make sure you don't come across as someone who is full of himself and his work. 7.Please respect other professions. Disrespecting someone's profession is a sureshot turn off. You do not have to necessarily understand the nuances of the work, but respect it as your better half's source of financial independence. Please treat her as your equal. Makes sure she reciprocates.
8.If you are stressed about time managing around work, tell her upfront or take her help in working out some time for the two of you. Set expectations early on and stick to them. No need to act like an over anxious aashique during the honeymoon period and then go AWOL-Uncleji used to bail out on dates at last minute and pompously say that law was a jealous mistress. My extremely predictable reaction: cringe. By the way a lot of other professions/ organizations are extremely strenuous, think product managers, think consulting companies, big 4. Unless u work in a PSU there is no such thing as a 9 to 5 these days. Please wake up and smell coffee. Sure non lawyer girl will easily understand your schedule.
9. You need to work continuously at a relationship. And yes any relationship can work even if two people in the relationship are career driven and ambitious, working around the clock. Build a healthy support system, own your life, own major decisions in your life, as a couple, like building finances, saving, investments, asset creation, having and raising kids etc. Continue to continuously and jointly work on keeping your relationship alive and healthy. 50% of this is your hardwork and its the other 50% that's hers. Biwi doesn't automatically bring all of this on a nice sone ki thaali!
10. Don't pick or judge someone by their profession.In the face of bias, you risk losing out on a really nice person I still value the legal profession despite my messy relationship with Uncleji.
Yours Truly,
Abhi to single, but ever ready to mindle Pammi Aunty
P.S Sorry for the bahut lamba message puttar! Dil khol ke baat jo karni thi humey! Jeete raho beta!
Also, given how long our working hours are, how do you even meet and bond with non lawyers lmao?