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You didn’t get the rank you were sure you were going to get. Your friend did and now they’re going to NLUJ and you’re going to a “Tier 2" NLU. You’ve tasted disappointment yet again — but it is worse this time. This time, you actually really did work hard and yet, it didn’t work out. And there’s nothing you can do. There is nothing you can do. It’s not all bad though. A few weeks later you’re convinced you did well enough. You’ll be fine, you think. Life has finally just begun.
You’re 22. You’re in third year of law school. You’re in your room. You haven’t done much today but yet, you feel tired. You haven’t really done much this whole past week, to be honest. And yet. Your friends are planning to buy beer and keep calling you to come join them, but of course you won’t go. You really do like your friends but not tonight. You’d rather just lie down and stare at the ceiling tonight. Wonder about a million different things and yet nothing at all. You wonder if you’re wasting your life away. People you know tangentially have been mooting and debating and interning, things you’ve been told you’re 'supposed to be doing’. You really would rather not, though. You’ve never really understood the point of mooting and you did try your hand at debating that one time just to impress that cute girl in your batch — that didn’t work out so neither did your brief debating career. You’ll be fine, you think. It’ll be okay. There’s still some time. You’ll figure it out. You’ll be okay.
You’re 24. You’re in fifth year. It’s serious now. They’re asking you to wear your nicest blazer and tie and get your photo clicked for the class placement brochure. You don’t get the point of that — everyone knows nobody really hires from your NLU. But you do it anyway, and so does your entire batch. A friend tells you about that one guy you were briefly friends with for a month in first year four years ago being placed at AZB. That gives you pause. You think about all those times you crossed him in the hall as you slowly drifted apart through the years. He’s a smart kid, you think. Good for him. Yet, you’re afraid for yourself. Deep down, you know you’re not good enough for a firm that fancy. You wonder if you’ll ever be. You’re once again reminded that there are no guarantees in life. For a brief moment, you’re 19 again — staring at that computer screen that told you where your life would go. The photographer’s loud flash brings you back to the present, but not before capturing how you feel about an uncertain future.
It’s the last day of law school. This campus you’ve cursed and raved and ranted about for half a decade is suddenly asking you to leave, to venture out into the vast unknown, to make space for another batch of young, inquisitive kids with bright eyes and brighter futures. It’s time. The real world awaits. You tread slowly towards it.
You’re 27. You’re fat now, but that’s okay. You met someone and they’re great. You’re really looking forward to a future with them. You’ve changed two jobs in the past two years and work 13 hour days. Your first boss wouldn’t win any prizes for being a good person but that’s okay, you’re in a much better place now. You don’t make a lot of money but you’re happy with your work and so is your boss, you think. Somehow, you know you have it good. Somehow, you know it won’t last.
Maybe it will.
You’re 32 —
Maybe you will.
You're 35 -----
(Sorry, I took the liberty to add on. Love how you have written the original post @ OP.)
You are 25. It is 11 PM on a Friday night, and you are reviewing a scanned document. You are sitting in a fancy desk, with some expensive coffee. Others around you think you have 'made it'. Your parents have gushed to many in your hometown about a 7 figure salary and tier-1 job. You use big words around relatives to justify the 'vakeel' tag. You are eating some expensive food on these late night sojourns. Yet, after each late night, on way home, you wonder why are you doing this, only to return fresh for another probable late night. Deep down, you don't mind the toil, and toil on. Afterall, yahi toh age hai!
Your claim to fame about being placed on zero day seems like it was ages ago. Yet, it was something no one can take away from you (you still smile about it sometimes). You often reminisce the good old mooting days, the prizes you won in small competitions, the college fests etc. You were a good student na? From time to time, you wonder about ALL the things you were able to manage in college and juxtapose it with the monotonous grind of the law firm. Was that your prime? But then, you do have the solace of a credit and debit card with ample balance to gorge the drinks menu at Kamala Mills or Hauz Khas. Saturday nights kinda seem worth it.
You are 24 on a Sunday morning, with a hangover - a hangover, not just that of the alcohol or a good night out; a hangover of your prime. But, you dress up in fairly crisp attire, and you get back to the toil on Monday. Afterall, yahi toh age hai!
OP is dead, long live the OP!
-- Not the OP