I think this is ideal. I would do this if I were in your place. This is the perfect way to get a sense of what she's feeling without making her uncomfortable.
You haven't even met her and are: (1) already in love with her, and (2) confident of reciprocity. Maybe she was just being nice to you as you're a new joinee? What do you even know about her personal life, is she even single? Sorry to break it to you, but this is sounding like a prelude to an extremely awkward epic shitshow. Control your hormones buddy, real life ain't college.
Is sounds like clear case of POSH in making. Stop this filmy crap and get real- focus on work and do it well. If you truly like this senior the best you can do is reduce her work stress!
I'm definitely idolizing her but at the same time, I know it's something more than that. Coming to your next question, I am a hopeless romantic, if someone is so nice and humble they are so much more attractive than the usual crowd of people. You don't have to meet physically to fall for someone. I'm sorry this might sound a little childish but that's the truth. I most definitely regret posting my unfiltered thoughts on this forum. Never meant to offend anyone in any manner
Here is a fool-proof strategy. If she is a late-20s girl, there is a 99% chance she listens to Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Coldplay and Ed Sheeran. So use this strategy.
Whenever she gives you a fresh assignment, sing this to her:
Quote:
Work, work, work, work, work, work He said me haffi work, work, work, work, work, work He see me do mi dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt So me put in work, work, work, work, work, work
Whenever she scolds you, sing this to her:
'Cause baby now we got bad blood You know it used to be mad love So take a look at what you've done
Whenever she praises you, sing this to her:
You know you make my world light up When I was down, when I was hurt You came to lift me up
Over time, if you build a rapport and feel confident, you can sing this to her:
Quote:
I'm in love with the shape of you We push and pull like a magnet do Although my heart is falling too I'm in love with your body
DISCLAIMER: Run the last song by your firm's POSH expert first.
Lol! She's a real human, not a smurf! Remember a couple of things: 1. law firm SAs aren't naive enough to fall for uncle giving movie tickets/ meal vouchers nonsense, 2. You please do a favour to humanity and don't offer your advice to anyone, ever. Just keep them to yourself
Step 1: Make sure she's not crushing over some PA.
Step 2: Make sure some PA is not crushing over her.
On a more senior note, I'm really curious to know how someone can fall for a colleague at a time when everyone is working remotely. Since you are an A1, you must have started remotely, and if your firm is decent, I'm sure you're still working from home. Which means your interactions with her are mostly related to work. While at the office, there are enough chances to run into each other at chit chat, which would be almost nil during wfh. How then do you fall for someone? Are you sure you're not simply idolizing her?
Fall in love as a student - beta pehle padhai kar lo, naukri mil jaye tab ye sab sochna. Padhari karke naukri ke baad - beta naukri karo, pyar ka time nehi hai yeh.
I would say multiple opinions will end up confusing you OP. It is a protectionist and paternalistic attitude to think, oh if she says yes and gets in a relationship with me it will destroy her career. She is fing SA, and an adult !! Let her take this call...and NOT some people on legallyindia or you for that matter. So it is you and your life. You only think what will happen to you if she says a yes or a no. If she wants to say no thinking about the negative impact it can have on her career, she is herself intelligent enough to take a calculated decision. You DO NOT need to think on her behalf! As far as you are concerned, if I were you I would be at least ready to leave the law firm depending on how the situation progresses. In both yes or no situation I see permutations and combinations where you leaving the firm might be a good decision. From my experience I can tell you a couple with a much lesser age gap, who successfully dated in a firm and both became partners. Anything can happen. But you might want to proceed only if you get signs that she is also may be into you. Best of luck.
Trashing this advice, sorry. This is not a realistic approach to things. Film tickets? Don't work anymore. Be a little more grown-up about this please.
2. Find an excuse to go out. For example, if she likes Bollywood movies buy two film tickets and say your uncle gave them to you as he had to cancel. If she is a big Italian food fan tell her you have won two vouchers for a meal at a fancy restaurant (which you will buy yourself, of course).
3. If you are meant to be, you will click and fall in love. If you think she is the one, then go all out and woo her.
Also, if you do end up asking her out and she says no to you, stop it right there and don't keep asking/pushing. Accept the no, respect her decision, and move on with your life.
Long story short, I do have a feeling that she reciprocates, but still, I am hesitant and don't know how I can get by the whole situation. But now I think I do have a plan on how I can do this without hampering our professional lives.
Sis, I apologize that I didn't mention this earlier, but I definitely sense that feeling being reciprocated in different ways, you just don't fall for anyone out of nowhere. I have my reasons and maybe consider the fact that I am not comfortable in sharing them here. I am sorry if I offended you in any way.
Bro/Sis, you're saying as if I am going to publicly ask her out like in a romantic comedy, that is never going to happen. All I was looking for is a way to address the same to her in a private manner and jeopardize both our professional lives by falling onto the radar of seniors, I definitely don't want that to happen. Maybe your reaction is a little too far-fetched.
How does some man expressing love for a woman at workplace make things hard for the woman esp when the man is a junior? The only thing you should be advising is that once they are an item then they should work in different teams.
As a woman, honestly, all of this just sounds creepy to me. I would hate it if this happened to me at work, in line with the comments above. Unless you really have a clear read on the fact that she also likes you, it's terribly unprofessional. And in all of your comments you only mention that you feel this way, with no mention of even any nascent reciprocation. Please don't make her life harder.
I just finished my office mandated POSH training today (passed with flying colours). Here’s what I learnt after answering 50 questions successfully - yes, you can ask her out. But yes, she can also file a complaint if it makes her feel uncomfortable.
Lol kidding aside, it seems like a bad idea to ask out of the blue. Perhaps wait till you’re well acquainted enough (after office reopening) and have met outside of work a few times (team drinks, lunches etc.), and then try making plans with her to see how she reacts. If she seems interested and agreed to meet, maybe approach the topic gently when it’s just the two of you meeting outside of a work setting. I’d still never do this though, coz even in this situation there’s so much scope for things getting awkward
This is actually an excellent suggestion. If you're serious about her, leave the team. Otherwise it will be extremely uncomfortable for not just both of you, but for everyone else in the team as well.
its normally perfectly fine for u to have feelings. i think it is opposite that is weird, which is to not like ppl even after u have spend all your work life w them.
if u really like her, approach her, tell her, mostly she will reciprocate, who knows she also maybe into you. we women will show opposite feelings even if we like someone. i do the opposite. i may say nasty things to gauge my friends opinion on my crush or just behave like he is nobody.
maybe even she feels bec she is SA you wouldnt be interested and then obvio society is there to say ......................
even if she doesn't like u back, you both are grown up, can work things out.
say it after you guys go drinking somewere. appear a lil drunk etc............
life aaj hai kal nahi...
honestly for me i cant date someone just off tinder, i need to connect someone on the intellectual side, have a bond etc.. therefore when i enter law firm i am going to look for someone decent in a law firm only to date/ long term etc..
i think its high time we noramlise these things. we are not robots. ppl need to just get over it.
it should be a problem when ppl dont like u, not when u like them.
i was in 8th standard when i publicly declared my crush, obvio he didnt like me back, but thats ok, thats on him not me. atleast do your part, time flies, its better to sayt than regret it in 50s, 60s.
guess what its been so many years i think what a stupid person i thought i liked and i cant come terms how could i like such a person. ppl evolve. live ur life a lil, life ka kuch pata nahi.
One can develop feelings anywhere including at a workplace. This will not be the first instance. There is nothing wrong in developing feelings and wrong to equate it with "workplace sexism" Or "sexual harassment". There's a difference between genuine feelings and what would be sexism or harassment. Secondly, this may be your personal opinion that you do not go to office for romantic relationship. No one does I guess. But some feelings develop and can develop anywhere. You may have had bad experiences but it would be wrong to shove down your views on others.
I think it's the prerogative of the guy and girl. Not getting his hopes up, but the girl may also have feelings and thinks the same as him. I don't know how old are you and that you personally cannot, but I think anyone working as at least an A1 would be mature enough to keep professional and personal issues separate. People who hate each other can work together, so can people in such a situation as long as it doesn't get extreme. That's something this guy needs to control.
I would leave them as they are. Every relationship is unique and different and needs to be viewed that way as long as it doesn't cross the line of sexism or harassment. What happens between them is their personal problem and it's better we don't act like grandmothers in their lives.
If an SA guy does this to an A1 girl; there is a power imbalance and increased chance of abuse. But here, it's not there. Probably she will brush it off.
This is kind of awkward - having a crush on far more older women. Go and rethink if you just have a fantasy/fetish towards someone older more than a genuine interest in her as a potential wife.
I'm 30. Back when I was 19-20, Facebook, Gtalk and Yahoo messenger were the forums for getting in touch with your crush. I'm told that things had then moved to Tinder, Bumble and the likes, some time in 2017? Looks like things have now moved to MS Teams and Outlook during these WFH days.
Glad we have a mature, non-misogynist thread here, it seems too good to be true considering the weird, ridiculous posts in the past few months or is this a ploy to hide a bigger issue?
This is soo cute, I really hope this works out for you. It did for me (I've been married five years now). My wife was a senior associate when I was an A1.
The path to success is fraught with peril, but success is premised on both of you feeling the same way.
One size doesn't fit all, so I'm not going to bother with advice. Here's wishing you the best of luck on your endeavour.
Lol of course you can abandon it. At the very least ask to get out of her team. Think about it from her perspective. If she wants to date you, she gets screwed because other people in the team will inevitably think there’s favouritism/ quid pro quo with work. If she’s not interested, she’ll have to tell you and then work with someone that she has disappointed romantically and supervise their work. It’s a bananas insane position to put someone in because what? You have a crush you don’t want to get past? A lot of what you’re feeling is simply because you’re stuck working together for long hours. It’s not enough to sustain a relationship let alone one that is worth all the trouble both of you will get in.
Women don’t go to work to date or find themselves a man. They go to work to work. She probably has faced workplace sexism, and that will only get worse when your situation inevitably becomes known to people at work. What do you think other SAs will say about her? Do you think partners will treat her or you fairly? She’s there to build a career dude- don’t get in her way.
A lot of this isn’t even about gender- it’s just such a bad idea to form romantic attachments at the workplace because of the power dynamics. It’s one of the things you learn as an adult. You’re not a Bollywood hero and there is no such thing as soulmates. You decide who you love and how. And it’s not all about your hormones.
If she's single, why not ask her out? Maybe start casually with a movie or coffee first? Nothing wrong with younger man being interested in an older woman IMO. And it's not that the age gap is massive here.
Please don’t make a move unless you’re pretty certain that she reciprocates. As someone has already said, it’s quite difficult for women in the workplace already. Don’t put her in an uncomfortable position just because you don’t know how to control your hormones.
I hate to break it to you A1, but what you're calling a crush is basically a chemical reaction in your brain that compels you to breed. It hits hard, A1, then it slowly fades, leaving you crushed in a failing marriage. Break the cycle, A1. Rise above. Focus on DD.
Yes, I want everything to happen "organically" and I'm 100% willing to take things slowly. The only thing is that I developed a crush on her during the lockdown last year. So I am definitely a little nervous to see her for real in the office.
That's the whole reason why I have posted a thread on Li, and this thing is not at a nascent stage that I can easily abandon. I really want to take this ahead and address this to her without making things weird. I am ready to take things slow
Build a good rapport with her. Such as you both are in such a comfortable space that you guys can talk things other than work, go for chai breaks etc, so that the ice if A1 and SA breaks. But yes, you will have to work extremely hard on that and come out smart at work, talking etc.
At the outset, please know that what your are going through is perfectly normal and human. You are of the age where such stuff does happen. My two cents - Get a read from her. Does she have an interest in you (on matters other than work)?
She's in your orbit. I would use this opportunity to really assess her objectively before taking a conversation or relationship on that direction. By this I mean - you can, through casual conversation in off hours, get a sense of her priorities and preferences. Go about this organically.
Dude. What makes you think she would even be interested. It’s hard enough being a woman in the workplace. Don’t put her in a difficult position. Just go on dating apps and find someone else. People have crushes but they don’t have to act on them.
It's high time that I address this on this platform that I(male) have had a crush on my SA(Female) for quite some time. Whenever I talk to her it feels like time has stopped and that nothing else matters but this, and one thing that I am pretty sure of is that this is not just another typical high school crush. I really want to talk to her about this but at the same time, I am aware of the consequences that this might produce or result in. But I am seriously falling for her day by day.
Please don't try to talk me out of this and suggest to me what I should be doing. Is therapy an option?
Coming to your next question, I am a hopeless romantic, if someone is so nice and humble they are so much more attractive than the usual crowd of people. You don't have to meet physically to fall for someone. I'm sorry this might sound a little childish but that's the truth. I most definitely regret posting my unfiltered thoughts on this forum. Never meant to offend anyone in any manner
Whenever she gives you a fresh assignment, sing this to her:
Quote: Whenever she scolds you, sing this to her:
'Cause baby now we got bad blood
You know it used to be mad love
So take a look at what you've done
Whenever she praises you, sing this to her:
You know you make my world light up
When I was down, when I was hurt
You came to lift me up
Over time, if you build a rapport and feel confident, you can sing this to her:
Quote: DISCLAIMER: Run the last song by your firm's POSH expert first.
Step 2: Make sure some PA is not crushing over her.
On a more senior note, I'm really curious to know how someone can fall for a colleague at a time when everyone is working remotely. Since you are an A1, you must have started remotely, and if your firm is decent, I'm sure you're still working from home. Which means your interactions with her are mostly related to work. While at the office, there are enough chances to run into each other at chit chat, which would be almost nil during wfh. How then do you fall for someone? Are you sure you're not simply idolizing her?
Gen X: Completely avoid her.
Gen Y: Mixed feelings.
Gen Z: "Head to toe so player!"
Padhari karke naukri ke baad - beta naukri karo, pyar ka time nehi hai yeh.
1. Talk to her about her interests.
2. Find an excuse to go out. For example, if she likes Bollywood movies buy two film tickets and say your uncle gave them to you as he had to cancel. If she is a big Italian food fan tell her you have won two vouchers for a meal at a fancy restaurant (which you will buy yourself, of course).
3. If you are meant to be, you will click and fall in love. If you think she is the one, then go all out and woo her.
Long story short, I do have a feeling that she reciprocates, but still, I am hesitant and don't know how I can get by the whole situation. But now I think I do have a plan on how I can do this without hampering our professional lives.
Lol kidding aside, it seems like a bad idea to ask out of the blue. Perhaps wait till you’re well acquainted enough (after office reopening) and have met outside of work a few times (team drinks, lunches etc.), and then try making plans with her to see how she reacts. If she seems interested and agreed to meet, maybe approach the topic gently when it’s just the two of you meeting outside of a work setting. I’d still never do this though, coz even in this situation there’s so much scope for things getting awkward
its normally perfectly fine for u to have feelings. i think it is opposite that is weird, which is to not like ppl even after u have spend all your work life w them.
if u really like her, approach her, tell her, mostly she will reciprocate, who knows she also maybe into you. we women will show opposite feelings even if we like someone. i do the opposite. i may say nasty things to gauge my friends opinion on my crush or just behave like he is nobody.
maybe even she feels bec she is SA you wouldnt be interested and then obvio society is there to say ......................
even if she doesn't like u back, you both are grown up, can work things out.
say it after you guys go drinking somewere. appear a lil drunk etc............
life aaj hai kal nahi...
honestly for me i cant date someone just off tinder, i need to connect someone on the intellectual side, have a bond etc.. therefore when i enter law firm i am going to look for someone decent in a law firm only to date/ long term etc..
i think its high time we noramlise these things. we are not robots. ppl need to just get over it.
it should be a problem when ppl dont like u, not when u like them.
i was in 8th standard when i publicly declared my crush, obvio he didnt like me back, but thats ok, thats on him not me. atleast do your part, time flies, its better to sayt than regret it in 50s, 60s.
guess what its been so many years i think what a stupid person i thought i liked and i cant come terms how could i like such a person. ppl evolve. live ur life a lil, life ka kuch pata nahi.
I think it's the prerogative of the guy and girl. Not getting his hopes up, but the girl may also have feelings and thinks the same as him. I don't know how old are you and that you personally cannot, but I think anyone working as at least an A1 would be mature enough to keep professional and personal issues separate. People who hate each other can work together, so can people in such a situation as long as it doesn't get extreme. That's something this guy needs to control.
I would leave them as they are. Every relationship is unique and different and needs to be viewed that way as long as it doesn't cross the line of sexism or harassment. What happens between them is their personal problem and it's better we don't act like grandmothers in their lives.
Sigh! I feel old now.
Anyway, best of luck dude.
or is this a ploy to hide a bigger issue?
The path to success is fraught with peril, but success is premised on both of you feeling the same way.
One size doesn't fit all, so I'm not going to bother with advice. Here's wishing you the best of luck on your endeavour.
Women don’t go to work to date or find themselves a man. They go to work to work. She probably has faced workplace sexism, and that will only get worse when your situation inevitably becomes known to people at work. What do you think other SAs will say about her? Do you think partners will treat her or you fairly? She’s there to build a career dude- don’t get in her way.
A lot of this isn’t even about gender- it’s just such a bad idea to form romantic attachments at the workplace because of the power dynamics.
It’s one of the things you learn as an adult. You’re not a Bollywood hero and there is no such thing as soulmates. You decide who you love and how. And it’s not all about your hormones.
But yes, you will have to work extremely hard on that and come out smart at work, talking etc.
She's in your orbit. I would use this opportunity to really assess her objectively before taking a conversation or relationship on that direction. By this I mean - you can, through casual conversation in off hours, get a sense of her priorities and preferences. Go about this organically.
Please don't try to talk me out of this and suggest to me what I should be doing. Is therapy an option?
Sincerely,
A1