I don't blame her, resentment will hollow you from the inside. Half the dudes I worked with will quit in a sec if it were not for their wives/children, once you and your dependents get accustomed to a certain level of lifestyle, they will push you to the edge but will not compromise on anything. Ott subscriptions, Starbucks, salons, vacations, expensive restaurants and those fucking Apple products I bought. Your desires are unfathomable.

Quit firms.

These are hell holes of mental health and disorder, and it's increasing day by day due to pressure from clients etc. No companion will like it if you are working 16-18 hours per day and just talk for 5 minutes during lunch break or dinner, further it's injustice to her/ him as well.

People may differ here, but choose people (those who really matter) over firm always. Firm will not think twice to throw you out, unlike your people.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years now. Both of us have Tier 1 jobs. While our jobs are taxing, our marriage is wonderful.

Here are some tips on how to keep your marriage alive:

1. You must accept that work comes first for both of you.
2. Give space to each other. There is no need to call and check on each other every 2 hours.
3. Quality of time is important and not quantity.
4. Have date nights once every 2 weeks.
5. Trust your spouse and support their ambitions. Otherwise, they will forever resent you.
6. Stop comparing your relationship with others. Every person is different. Every relationship is unique.
7. There is nothing wrong with sleeping in separate bedrooms once in a while. Its important for both individuals to get a sound sleep.
8. Have your friend circle who you can hangout with when your spouse is at work.
9. Lower your expectations.
10. Surprise each other once in a while. Go for movies, short road trips, vacations, spas. Rejuvenate yourself.
11. Lastly - DO NOT DISCUSS WORK OR ANYTHING LAW RELATED. Nothing good comes out of that.

Work comes first? Lol.. Law firm work is mostly making some rich privileged person more rich and privileged. It's no endeavor to advance humanity by colonizing another planet. Why should it come first over personal relationships, mental health and general well being? This is a recipe for disaster.

Lol no NLU will ever teach enough to be able to keep up with the BS that's there in law firms. Terrible work culture, everything is on fire all the time. So many of my seniors at firm have left because they wanted to preserve their relationships, or left after they realised that the firm culture was the reason for their breakup/divorce.

Childcare is completely outsourced to helps or parents step in. Household chores are outsourced. Your partner needs to share responsibilities together. Basically you need a whole lot of infrastructure (2 nannies and min 2other helps and a driver) and support from family to make it function. It won't be smooth or perfect, but if that's what you want, it will be tough but such is life. You miss many occasions in family or you are working through them, including your kids birthdays or even when they fall sick, just got to have a very thick skin and patience. Sounds harsh, but that's what it is.

Glad I could pass on my experience. Its tough, at times you need to make compromises or turn down opportunities for sake of your kids, it feels unfair bcoz system doesn't support parents much, but trust me your kids need your time. They need a happy parent, and not one yelling or sulking all the time. Keep happiness and well being as top priority and decide accordingly.

I am a NEP since a couple of years and recently married. I already find myself overreacting to minor incidents at home due to work stress and long work hours and wonder how others manage, specially with kids. I am grateful you shared your experience and can only imagine how challenging a journey it must have been for you. And you explained it in such a no-nonsense yet calm manner, clearly spelling that it’s tough yet doable. Thank you!

If childcare is fully outsourced and you are not even there for your kids during thier needs and important moments. And when they become old you will dump them into a boarding school.

Then why have children at the first place? Isn't it cruel not giving love, time and attention to them?

Judgmental are we? They have clearly spelt out that keep happiness and well being priority. This is not the ideal world. There may be times when parents are not available but they have clearly spelt out that close family, preferably grandparents, can be there during such times. It’s not ideal but they have shared how it can be done. Someone may love their kids dearly but still outsource their care to a large extent. That doesn’t mean they would not spend quality time with them or not give them the care they deserve. Many working people, specially women since there is no denying that they are primary caregivers in most cases, already work under the constant guilt of either not doing their family justice or not being taken seriously at work. Please don’t add to that by questioning them having kids. Not everyone may have the economic, social or other privileges that others do.

Would you ask the same question for fathers? Why have kids when you can't give time? NO, right! So better not ask women too. Like mothers, fathers too make sacrifices. I feel when both work, both are able to give time equally what a mother would otherwise give alone.

Also, why should women also not have equal opportunities inspite of having kids, life doesn't end. You just need to devise a mechanism to make it work.

Yes don't have kids if you don't want to take up their responsibilities.

This is a serious issue. I work at a tier 1 and most people I know at the firm are either: (i) dating/ married to people within the firm; or (ii) have a dysfunctional marital/ personal life. no reasonable self respecting person would want a partner who's never available and prioritizes random clients over his/ her spouse/partner/ significant other. not to mention people staring at their laptops for 16 hours a day make for very dull companions.

I work in a Tier 1 in Mumbai. Won't name the firm or the practise area. My partner detests idea of marriage or children. He/she is in his/her 40s - makes fun of married partners in the same practise but in other firms. He/she visits therapists often and one can see self help books in his/her cabin.
Forces associates to work when they are unwell or are on a vacation with their family. He/she is kind of jealous.

A0 here, started this July. My bf and I have already broken up because we don't get to spend any time with each other.. My SAs complain about how they don't get time to meet their girlfriends for months on end. Quite a nightmare. I'm leaving the minute my financial dues are paid

I personally know 5+ divorced partners and I am only an A1. It sucks, this job takes toll on everything. It engulfs you completely once you reach partnership levels. And kills you mentally way before that. Don't do it unless you're absolutely in love with it. I mean, yes, do it for a while, but then don't be in guilt whenever you feel like quitting.

It's tough.

My SO and I had talked about this before we even graduated, we could foresee that we won't be getting a lot of time to spend with each other once professional life starts. This was true, especially for the first year or so where we were just adjusting with long work hours and trying to understand everything. But then we made it a point to try to meet whenever possible, if both of us happened to be in the same court, or just keep calling each other every now and then to talk for a minute or two. It was tough.

The only solution was to get married. Lol. It's fun. Even if work hours are extreme, pressure is high, we still get to spend time together.

Let me give you an honest response.

Long hours at law firms (mostly tier 1 firms) ruin not just your personal life but your personality.

A good percentage of men have erectile dysfunction and many women are unable to conceive naturally. Its so common people talk about it freely between themselves.

Long and irregular hours combined with stress and toxic environment do this to your body.

Junior lawyers don't be shocked. Do 5 years in a law firm and you will know what I'm talking about. Pay off your loans and exit the job otherwise your body and mind will give up on you.

A tip to those who work in these firms;

Marry/Date someone who doesn't have terrible working hours and stress - someone having a relaxed/flexible work setting - and can understand the stress of a hectic work environment. When two people together clock in hundreds of hours - it's a recipe for resentment and divorce.

No matter how much parenting you outsource, your kids need you. Having a parent who is more flexible is always a good thing for them. You can still afford nannies and maids whole your SO can better manage things at home.

When both in a couple work hectic hours, you will earn more. But what will you gain with than extra buck or two. Already for most of you, money is not a big issue.

The gender issue is also there, it's a lot easier for ambitious men to get someone like this. Women will find it a lot more difficult or even impossible in traditional settings to get someone working a less hectic job.

But either way, it's better than 2 people working to death. The spouce who works less must be understanding - that his/her SO is sacrificing for the family; otherwise that will be an another battle.