I (F/21) interned (wfh) at a [unnamed] firm a few months ago. The [designated] partner I worked with called and once on the call, we spoke about work assigned, and then he ~switched to video~ and started asking personal harmless questions. He called again next day, at midnight to discuss work, and then proceeded to switch to video and discuss more personal stuff (I tried changing the topic back to work, failed). By then it had formed a pattern and it was too late for me to get out of it, considering he was the partner. I didn’t feel like pissing a partner off in the infancy of my career.

I purposely missed a few calls after that but was very much confused as they could have been about work too. But one of them was a house tour, him talking about my hair, and how “the most sensual thing about a woman is her neck”. He spoke to me a little about his past relationships, and his own life. Switched to the back camera and showed me something that was “written on his shorts”. Said he considered me a “friend”. And more such creepy bs. I think he once said something about an erection (not his). I don’t have any record of anything because he was clever enough to call and subsequently switch to video call.

Anyway, at this point I was too uncomfortable and was glad my internship period was coming to an end. I kept quiet about this even though it was borderline creepy, but I thought the wise thing to do would be to shut up and pray I don’t have to communicate or be diplomatic anymore. But it didn’t stop, he frequently texted to call him and I’d say I would but I never did. Because why? Internship over.

A few days later he proceeded to make a borderline creepy comment on my profile picture. He’s otherwise nice and helpful when at work (not to be construed as apologia, or justification). But horribly creepy outside work.

I cannot pinpoint the creepy, and I’d say it’s pretty unusual for partners to talk this much to their interns. I don’t believe in the whole call out culture on linkedin, definitely not willing to give this story a face. Is this sort of thing very rampant? I am actually terrified of working with a male senior alone now.

Okay first thing is that there is no “he’s nice at work but creepy outside work”. Some of these instances were literally the same call. He’s being creepy at work. This is workplace sexual harassment. And he’s giving you preferential treatment with the work so you will feel obligated to put up with it and not call him out. And he probably does this to every other intern. It’s his mode of operation.

I’m only 28 years old and I cannot imagine wanting to be friends with or dating a college going kid. I’d just feel grossed out. There is something wrong with him- he probably likes preying on younger women. An adult his age should not be interested in having any relationship with you outside of work.

The bad news is - this does happen. Especially when you’re a young unmarried woman around a lot of older male coworkers. And it’s hard to find the line between not being seen as unsociable and not being taken advantage of. Some of the things that have worked for me- just physically leaving the space when they start to get familiar- literally run away in the middle of a conversation if that’s what it takes, joking about it and saying “ oh god did you just seriously say that to an intern?”, or saying “ I’m not sure that’s work appropriate you know?”, and being the most boring human being on the earth when they start to get inappropriate. If these don’t work- you need to have a sit down chat with them where you tell them you need clearer boundaries if you are to have a collegial relationship.

Document everything that happens as much as possible. Even if the calls aren’t recorded- tell a friend what happened every time he misbehaved.

You are at the start of your career. You will meet many men like this and many better men . Do not feel beholden to this guy or anyone else. It’s not about ruining your career in its infancy. It’s about deciding that you wouldn’t want to continue working under such conditions with such people. And asking for better for yourself.

Cut off contact with him and look elsewhere. You will have better luck next time.