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Share your horror stories?
It's YOUR money, and you deemed it fit to actually enable their communalism.
Regular people may send 'dowry' with the girl, rich people 'gift' a flat of 4 cr for a girl. Sometimes, it's more to do with culture than need or greed. Sometimes, parents of daughter insist on expensive investment in daughters name so that should th guy turn out to be a rascal, the daughter has all resources to go independent.
Doesn't exist (or voluntary dowry maybe there) among Corporate Lawyers in big cities. Dowry is obviously an outdated system. Women in corporate firms marry ones who are even more qualified than them, IIM - IIT- Businessmen or law firm peers; so no/Less dowry.
But it does exist
Among lawyers who get into UPSC ( from 5 upto 50 crore depending on your religion, caste, cadre, State allotted etc) An IRTS Officer won't get 1/10th the dowry an IAS/IPS Officer gets. And it varies. Dowry is not negotiated by the groom/girl, but by families.
And very prevalent among lawyers who clear PCSJ. From 50 lakhs to 4 crore depending on various other factors. PCSJ Officers are given salary for bringing a secure income for the families girl and for having a respectable jobs. Judicial Services Officers are not given dowry to get power (as they don't have any kind of power - compared to a Civil Service Officer)
For women with permanent Government jobs (PCSJ or Law Professor or Law Officers) no dowry and they are very high in demand. And men from upper middle class families aspire for them for getting a reduced work hours spouse and a stable income.
Girls with LLB but with no job or Litigation (first generation) do give dowry to get a man with more or secure salary.
Dowry is usually given when there is an unequal relationship. Or the other side wants something special in the groom/ even girl.
Even (financially average) Lady IAS/IPS Officers get wealthy husbands/families for the same reason. Even reverse dowry happens, but in close doors. Heard a story in Telengana/AP where a groom (business family) gave huge money to get an IAS/IPS Lady. Women with law degrees who work in State Civil Service also are in high demand - get richer men with no demand for any dowry.
Husbands family has money, but no power. Giving money and getting a lady Civil Services officer is a way to get prestige and money for the family. If a civil service couple marry a fellow officer then there is no dowry.
For IAS Officers - a super rich family (business family) might want to have a Son/Daughter in Law in a position of power and it gives the family prestige.
Litigating Lawyers (without a family background in law) will get slapped with a chappal if they ask for dowry. As atleast till 30's they are in Poverty with no stable income. Future of a Litigation Lawyer in uncertain. No one's will give money to a man who is marrying his daughter when the grooms future itself is uncertain - like every other litigator. By Litigation we are not talking about Supreme Court or Harish Salves Chamber.
So no dowry. Its hard to even get girls in an arranged marriage for a first generation litigator.
Litigating Lawyers with family background (parents practicing Law-successfully) may not get dowry or may get a few voluntarily. It's hard to get since there is no stability.
For someone who earned ₹50 crores through their hard work, how tf do they give that away for sending away their daughter? Could they just not give it to the daughter to open a startup or something? With ₹50 crores in the bank, one can achieve FIRE by birth.
Bhai idhar ₹1 crore save karne mein lag raha hai agle 10 saal tak nahi hoga, yeh sun ke toh mera bum tatter ho gaya.
It's given to get an IAS Officer into your family. You don't just marry off. You have a lot of wealth in your family, now you want more prestige and power - easiest way is marrying an IPS or IAS Officer.
Even lady IAS Officers get money. Lady civil servants also get disproportionately wealthy groom for the same matter.
I’ll give you and example of my friend’s wife. She comes from a really affluent family but one of the most patriarchal ones I have seen. My friend’s wife has a brother too. My friend and his wife were really conscious about dowry and they didn’t take a single penny from wife’s family. She lives with her husband in the home that he inherited from his parents but the wife has quite literally lost all her share of property and that has gone to her brother. When I talk to my friend, he often tells me that if he inherited his part of property, she should have too. His father just got an opportunity to deny her of her property rights and give everything to the son thereby propagating patriarchal ideology that women don’t deserve family property because they get married off.
I have seen this happening to a lot of people. I hope women understand what’s wrong and stand for their rights. I am not supporting dowry in any way.
Anything more might be too specific, don't want to promote doxxing.
How are you leaving Kerala out of this equation?
People started going to Gelf primarily due to this. You should read more about the smuggling activities in Kerala,
If you are in India, you will be lucky to find someone who does not seek dowry. Rich or poor, they need dowry. Net worth of a former driver of mine became twice as much as mine when he got married. It is insane!!
How is it up north and the west ?
Correct me if am wrong.
Inherently, there is nothing wrong since sons get to take a lion's share of father's wealth. It's abuse assumed unimaginable proportions and needs to be denounced.
1. Wedding was almost fixed, save for the dates, when doctor-boy's folks started hinting on the costs incurred towards educating him abroad. When I said no, my folks stood by me. Formerly "very pretty, smart lawyer girl" became "oh she's too thin". I walked out.
2. IIT-IIM super hotshot investment banker from London town. IB-boy's mummyji began to literally harass my parents into agreeing to the match. Post meet the parents and six months of talky-talk, suddenly no calls. Why? Because IB-Boy had bagged girl whose family had 10 cars! Vroom vroom that marriage was on!
I continue to be happily unmarried....But, really, no regrets that my folks didn't have to refund doc's educational expenses or set up a car showroom!
--- Who is having your salary/slightly more? Then there won't be much demand for dowry.
In the Above Case,
The Lawyer Girl is trying to marry IIM Investment Bankers and Senior Highly Qualified Doctor.
That's why there is a demand for a dowry.
If she tries for someone from a more humble background. The dowry demand won't be there actually. Or less dowry.
IIT, IIM Graduates, Doctors with PG +, Government Employees have higher market value as far as dowry is concerned.
She can easily get someone with no dowry. But may not be the aspirational IIT IIM Groom.
There are many men who would like to marry someone having similar incomes. But they don't get.
Even an LLB Girl making Rs. 20K per month want an IIT IIM Graduate. What rubbish is it? Who on earth is she?
Of course dowry is not justified.
She doesn't have to marry a BA Graduate-jobless. Atleast someone in your range.
When you have a shit salary and qualifications (lawyer qualifications are not having any marriage market value)
You shouldn't aspire for Neurosurgeons and McKinsey consultants. Thats when dowry equations come.
Are you even educated? what the hell is wrong with you? The greed obviously lies only with people with less money (male's in this case)- or they won't run after a dowry or value it over something like a marriage bond. I think it is clear to everyone reading this that she was getting into a marriage way below her standards.
I say - you go girl. Good riddance. I am sure you will find someone much better. A bunch of above comments are made by looser with brain development issues and nothing good to do in life except pass out judgements.
Curious, are you the same guy who was spamming the UPSC v. Judiciary thread?
But again it's not easy. As the IIT/IIM Graduate has more options than the law firm girl.
Because they (men here) can marry someone with less work hours or even less salary. But the woman are usually forced to marry someone who makes more than them or atleast an equal in financial terms.
But in any way, no dowry is involved.
See, as long as men are okay with being "bought" in the name of dowry, this will continue, irrespective of "small" or "big" background...
I'm sure you're a catch and you'll find someone who doesn't need a monetary incentive to marry you.
Love (self-arranged) Marriage, may or may not have this problem depending on the mutual understanding.
However, in arrange marriages:-
1. Generally women prefer men who have a better and higher secured pay;
2. Generally men therefore prefer auctioning themselves;
However, exceptions are there too and growing in this sector.
(I know there are many laws to protect such rights, but then Lower Court proceedings are really non-effective), Other issues which accelerate dowry or Streedhan:-
1. 'Bride Parents' who have grown old living with their sons, tend to disown their daughters by their "Will" and as such a daughter might feel as if they have lost their claim in the ancestral property;
2. A son-in-law might not deserve money from brides father, but, surely every "individual" should have claims on both paternal as well as maternal families. "...............Nana ki saari property Mama Ji ke ladke ko mil gayi, Aur Naati ko mila Nanani ka thullu..."
3 Classical Dowry is bad: Everyone in the family of Groom gets something, except the Groom;
4. Neo-classical dowry should be OK: Chuck relatives, better take everything for 'One-self' & "Misses", waise bhi Rishtedaar kabhi kaam nayi aate :-D
Dowry in whatever form needs to be discouraged. Puts unnecessary social pressure, even if unintended.
I’m getting married in December, without any dowry.
Moral - Dont take dowry. #MyPerspective. (Also, maybe, dont get into arranged / forced marriages.)
As an aside, a "love marriage" is no guarantee for marital bliss either. Some really good friends who dated all thru law school and then some more, also ended up in divorce.
Better to blame it on the institution of marriage itself?