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Sex and the CV
I am my partner’s favorite ass to be whipped. (As though I am being punished for hitting on a lady in red). I was recently given the additional burden of “Talent Induction”. Talent Induction is a fancy name for sifting through hundreds of internship applications and offering internship spots for the sexiest most academically fitting candidate.
This month we had three interns.
Intern A – Geeta - from one of the best law schools in the country. She was fantastic with her work - sharp, witty, quick. I often felt inferior in front of her typo free work. She also had the colour of skin that is normally associated with people from the southern part of the country, wore braces and was usually dressed in ill fitting kurtas. But hell, behind that Jassi look, there was a stud associate in the making.
Intern B – Prakash - from the law school that I consider the second best in the country. Was fairly good with his work, spent most of his time playing online chess. Was smart but not hard working. The sort of a man that one would like to sit and drink with – good company but bad influence. We would exchange movies, porn and music. Men who can speak of delisting of shares with the same intensity as the Rolling Stones and Beetles are rare, he was one of them.
Intern C – Mary. Poetically Mary had a little lamb, in reality Mary also had a little brain. The Indian blonde, the manifestation of the ultimate idiot, her gross incompetence would make the Indian rugby team look like world champions. If she were in Tamil Nadu, I would build a temple in honour of her idiocy! Came from one of the “wannabe” law schools and had got the internship with her father’s influence. She was Auro from Paa, Rani Mukherjee from Black and the Taare Zameen Par kid all rolled into one and multiplied by three. It took me 3 hours to “teach” her use Manupatra. Half an hour later as I passed by, I saw her search for the words “Globus Clothes Sale” on Manupatra. But yes, she was one hot girl. Dressed in the best pants that money could buy, wore undergarments which did not show off panty lines, walked like a ramp model, had perfectly manicured nails, pouty lips, long eye lashes – she was a head turner. One could locate her location in office from the faint lavender smell that emanated from her. But that doesn’t take away the fact that she was dumb (and I hated her).
My lady in red’s partner husband called me and said “Dude, Abhishek left last month, we need a junior associate. Are any of the new interns worth it?”. “Yes”, I replied. Gave my description of each of the interns. Recommended Geeta as the first choice, followed by Prakash and the pea brained beauty Mary was spat upon. “Perfect, Geeta it is then” came the reply.
A few days later, I saw an email in my inbox, making an offer to Mary. I was furious- what a cheap lusting,horny partner. He couldn't be making an offer to a girl because of her tits? Or was it her big daddy? Doesn’t he care about running his business? She wasn’t even fit to work as a mason. She was such an idiot that I would keep away from her in the fear I would contract some of her idiocy. As usual, I kept all of this to myself. Such is the hegemony of the bourgeoisie.
A few hours later Mary replied and rejected our offer, and said she wanted to pursue “higher” studies in England. I didn’t know idiocy has a higher studies market in England. (Maybe she was a specimen for medical researchers investigating into morbid idiocy). What a sigh of relief. Geeta was made the second offer and she joins us next month.