30F here.

I’ve been in three relationships, and each time, I was cheated on. All three times, it was with women who fit the conventional "hot" stereotype. One of these relationships was serious enough that our families were involved, and we were planning to marry within six months.

I’m not overweight, but I do have a chubby appearance, mostly because of my round face.

When I started using dating apps, I matched with some genuinely nice guys. But eventually, those "nice guys" ended up marrying women who fit the same "hot chick" image.

That’s when I decided to reinvent myself. Of course, I couldn’t change my round face, but I could change other things. I hired a trainer, hit the gym, started wearing cute dresses, colored my hair, added jewelry to my outfits, and even invested in expensive things to level up my appearance. Initially, I felt bad about doing all this, thinking I was changing myself just to be liked by someone. But over time, I started loving the process and the changes in myself.

Now, I’ve given up the idea of dating or finding a partner. I’m enjoying my own journey, and whenever I feel like it, I go on dates just for fun, but nothing more. Ironically, this time around, I’m getting far more attention from men.

My advice? Focus on yourself and level up for you. Sadly, many men don’t prioritize a woman’s accomplishments or personality, they're more concerned about having a "hot" wife. It’s a harsh reality, but you don’t need to live by their standards. Rewrite the rules for yourself.

Income and corporate success are not the pointers that men are looking for in a woman for marriage. That may be important for you as per the feminist brainwashing. What men ACTUALLY give importance to in women is to - beauty, physical attraction, character, stability in a relationship, good conversation, mental peace when she is with us. That career n all those attributes are looked for in men by women on the top of the charts. This is the bitter truth of how majority relationship dynamics work in this world.

Real Talk?

Time to get a make over.

With the right grooming and wardrobe, diet and exercise you can be the person you want to be. Focus on things you can control and let the other stuff follow.

No more talk of victimhood and why don't they like me?

Live your best life and the people will enter your life.

Madam, I believe that now days, the expectations are too high, not only you are suffering from that, but everyone of us are sailing in the same boat or the boat is similar

With the changing time and scenerio, the life of marriage has significant reduced from ,"Janam Janam ka saath,' to hardly 8 years , or to maximum 12 years.

Hence, considering the circumstances, I believe you are still better, as only those are happy, who are either happily married or those who are absolutely single.

If you have never been asked out in your entire life, I promise it is not because of how you look

I bet you you will find that there are people who look much worse than you being in relationship, being married, having kids and everything you want

It probably has everything to do with self-esteem, fear of relationships, the vibes that men get from you

I would say you should start seeing a therapist and start working on any trauma you have from the past or maybe any unreserved childhood issues

I am a 36 year old man

I find it easier to date now and have much better prospects than I had when I was 26

As a woman if you have money, wits, self-esteem, you should have no problem

Except if you have been filled with toxic shame, guilt, insecurity by society you are screwed anyway no matter what age you are

these days you can look after yourself reasonably well if you put your mind to it and have some money, dating is extremely easy

Hi, if you wish we can talk and take it from there.

I am looking for friends and companions.

More details in pvt due to sheer amount of trolls and doxxing issues.

Kindly drop ur email or Instant messaging link

Or here's my discord "@zenganesh" (Zen Ganesh)

Age 36 - 38 - Female, I started out late in my career and suffered some setbacks. I am a corporate lawyer making well over 40 LPA in NCR. Wish to not give any specifics and blur my details as it's easy to track down private information ( so you are busy with you life)

I have rejected my parents plans for arranged marriages, as I found most guys to be unsupportive, patriarchal and found the whole process as a headache. Even after trying hard there has not been a spark. (it a good thing but dont reject every time they will get sad )

I am not deemed conventionally attractive, and have never been asked out by a single guy throughout my life. Most of my girl friends get hit on by men - they go for dates, get lunches, compliments from men. ( not every one is pop-star so practise make perfect )

But I have never got any of these even though my friends who looked even bad got dates.

( just watch trendy advertisement on television for how to get back compliment)

Signed up for Bumble and Tinder only to find that most men are creeps. I felt like calling the cops.

( it t good thing to do because chaso every ware)

Registered on a matrimonial website - have seen some guys, none match my standards (which are very reasonable) ( leave this work to your parent because they will worry about you )

Office colleagues and friends circles are pretty much useless as most men here are married with kids. And other guys in my age groups are looking for younger women( better not to do much at office time if you have more time visit family and friends do hangover or stay in night at your friends house, for other guy not looking just practise makeup season just go natural )

The men I found attractive (character) , felt a spark, I asked them out, proposed to them only to find out that they didn't reciprocate the same feelings. I didn't just gave hints - I have asked them out on a date, proposed to them myself to find that they were also wasting my time and playing games.(you got move forward if you found out about that guy for reference on all your how you act)

Over the past few months, I have been feeling lonely and left out by my friends and family. ( gym,drama or movie oe enterminent

I am trying to look for the same... I never went with a girl in my entire life, Tried matrimonial sites, didn't work out... eventually not given up completely but hopeful to find the right person soon.

Never applied any patriarchal approaches, I don't believe in one tried many simulation that women say, they wish for... but in reality not many women wish for honest guys, it's complicated. Came across your post so, thought to write so, you know right men are also their and they are struggling like you to find the right match.

Basically, no. But you are thinking about it the wrong way. Just be the person you want to be. Go out in the world and meet people. Dating apps are fine as long as you don't take them too seriously and get dejected. Think of them as offering options instead and many of those options may not work for you.

Being able to communicate your feelings is great as long as you can handle the fact that other people may not react as you want them to. Many men are entitled and disrespectful but if you treat everything you have been through as learning, then you will learn to spot shitty men and okay men who are not okay for you.

You're doing everything right except for patience. If you waiting so long to build the life you want and to search for the right kind of partner, then search also slowly and carefully. Once you stop seeing being single as somehow lacking in worth, you will take your time deciding what options to explore and what kind of men are worth your energy. And then maybe you'll find someone. Or maybe you won't. But if you don't, it'll still be better than marrying someone wrong for you when you are very young and getting stuck with them for life. A lot of people you think are happy are actually like that.

You don’t speak for ‘ALL’ younger men. Don’t be so toxic and stop making “+-1”. You have zero idea about age gaps. And it’s fairly natural to date someone 3-4 years younger and I have seen some of my friends above 27 dating women around 34-35. It’s not weird at all and in fact they are marrying next year! I has become common now.

Which world are you living? Lawyers have to go same pressure as doctors. Unless you work for 8-10 years. You won't get good money at work. Quite possible the lady might be preparing for Govt. Judicial position but due to heavy numbers of people applying and few number of post. She might have not been able to get through. That is so common. Why? Don't you know for Civils as well one has to wait till 32 for their last attempt. There could be so many things. Too bad. Incase if someone is posing question. That does not call for Judging people. Dear you did right thing. Age is just a number in mind. One can't marry an idiot and destroy life. You need to keep on trying to find a good match. Yes the age gets issue. True.

But look at that situation if you could marry a person early with less earning or no job or on his face value. That would have been height of abnormality. Now your question on people of your age group. These days you get good guys in the same age group too. Due to Covid lots of people age and time for marriage got extended. So try the 4-5 years younger or of your same age group. Don't follow the taboo of older age thing. That does not work at all in today's world. Once I had been at international conference and I met an Indian Civil servant. She married a foreigner who was 10 years younger than her and they were happy couple with no regrets with 12 years of marriage. Husband was handsome and intelligent and girl was just a normal and ofcourse she was a diplomat. So there are thousand cases like them and this is a truth. Do not waste time on people thought process. Just have faith in you that how brave you are to struggle out and got independent and focus on settlement with great guy who could love, care and respect you. Trust on these there are thousands of people who are facing similar situation just like you referring to both men and women.

While I am rooting for you, you need to change the narrative of your story.

Don't treat yourself as a victim in your story.

If a person isn't interested, move on quickly and don't take on the woe is me narrative.

Invest in yourself. Join a gym, get flattering clothes, see an aesthetician and be the best version of yourself. With the right level of internal confidence people will be attracted to you. And I am not talking about just prospective husbands, but people in general.

Just don't put your life on hold because you aren't finding a partner. Try to build the best life for yourself and be whole on your own.

It's never late to get married. Yes the probability gets on decreasing. But even when u r not married. There is a whole new avenue of life which u can discover, which 99% of people can't. I am 36 and I'm not worried if I ll get married or not. But a suggestion, don't be so feminist that a man hesitate to approach u. Like a female, a male also struggles with many issues, he even can't share his feelings with his friends, as male frnds are always casual and will laugh at each other. He is alone since start, care to find a person and support him emotionally, he ll fall for u within days

It IS law-related! OP is highlighting the woes of dating as a lawyer. It’s hard if you haven’t paired up with someone in law school. The profession gives you very little time for socialising. Also, it’s hard if you are a guy because girls are mostly interested in MBAs and tech bros.

I don't know why the moderator is marking comments about Rahul Gandhi as trollish. Just the other day Lalu Yadav said that RaGa should get married and RaGa said that he will do it. So he is clearly looking for a girl. I think many girls with a leftist bent of mind will be attracted to RaGa and vice versa. RaGa is 53 years old, which is 15-17 years older than OP. Though that seems like a lot such marriages do happen and we need to stop age-difference shaming. Look at Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. They have a huge gap but have stuck together as a couple for many years and clearly love each other. So what's the problem? OP can and should date RaGA.

@Guest (Who is apparently not OP)

Hi brother/sister,

I am looking for friends in better cities in corp law.

Litigation is not rewarding for Non-Nepo kids. I got to know only now after 2 years. Courts were closed for a long time and I could not meet real people and get inside info of influential chambers.

My objective to reach out is not just to mate. I genuinely want to know other senior people regardless the gender.

If something else cooks up as a by product - well and good. The reason it would not be challenging (smooth) with me marrying/dating older person is because I dont have a big family.

Just me going to court everyday with my senior. We both struggle round the clock. Clients are not interested to pay either in addition to slow pace of disposal in judiciary.

By the way, are not we are mature enough to not take online anonymous forums seriously? Mating & Dating is a serious decision with irreversible/catastrophic consequences in life.

Please act sensibly.

TLDR: In short, dont be a jealous/insecure person

Dear OP,

I wont cajole you with fake assurance. Yes we are late because in India majority of the population have kids by your age. I am young litigating lawyer planning to move to better cities. With rising inflation, it is not very possible. Plus, chambers dont pay much. Maybe we can get to know each other and become friends.

If you want to talk pls mention your email in response.

trust me he is only getting this because he has money now, and even with money trust me it would not be a cakewalk for him, having said that, it becomes difficult for men to get a life with another partner at later age if he has not good money.

I can imagine a girl with absolutely no or money marginal money getting married (not easily) to a fairly decent-doing guy.

But can you imagine a guy with absolutely no money or marginal money getting married to a fairly decent doing girl??

You may ignore to acknowledge wide gaps in social notions of these gender in dating and marriage but it will not cease to exist.

I am young now, but since i started pretty late, my dating pool is restricted and i am being judged constantly or i have this thought of fear of being judged, So as I said my first job would be at age 27 so that for me i cant date my peer since they are at senior level economically so that's awkward position now, I wasnt able to date at law school because this age gap of my junior being 3-4 years younger than me was troubling, i mean either they were not single or they were just growing up like in their teenage, a lot of female post 21+ are not available so I didnt want a tag of creep as people here generally give it( standard cliche), also dating is an expensive affair, as I've been single all my life i would not be completely aware of dating scenario but I know for sure dating is an expensive affair. so I might not be able to afford a date for myself, I am sorry to say most girls are not open to reasonable spots/events for dating like having a small meal or a movie or an icecream & walk date, most of them want fancy A+ restaurant where the minimum bill would be 4-5k and then you're not even sure whether they will split or do dutch, you're almost apprehensive or that and if you ask that first up they unmatch or rude talk or shame you for it, to make it worse some of the girls are just looking for their weekend plans being sorted through dates because they know there are a lot of fish in pool, well not saying all girls but yeah a fair number of girls do that!! also, neither saying boys are also into mean dating sometimes when they're just using another person for sex, but that can be seen in all gender but prevails mostly in guys, but there would be rare that a guys is using other for just monetary pleasure which is unlikely.

that being said, as i cant take the risk of monetary issue while dating those girls who look for sugary things and not into anything serious, and if you're earning HUGE money where you can take those risk, being a guy dating is not existent for you and that's why i think i will have good money at may be 30-32 but at that time my dating pool would even gets narrowed and narrowed and society's judgement lens would even widen, that's why i feel i would be in her shoes in few years down the line and since being a guy i would have probably worse situation than her.

If you are relatively well settled in you role, try to take out time for hobbies and definitely add some sporting activity / gym to your routine. In my experience, this helps with body confidence, which from your post, it appears you may be lacking. NCR may also have speed dating events which you could consider signing up for. Most importantly, even if love doesn't work out, it's hardly the end of the world. Most marriages do not even guarantee companionship, leave alone love. Always remember, you are enough.

Talk to a guy who is struggling to make a career at the age of 23 and a similarly placed girl at the age of 23. U will realize who has a privilege as far as dating is concerned!

In our society, no one will marry a guy who isn't making money. However, u will find men working in T1 law firms marrying unemployed girls. In order to date, money is the primary consideration which men must have while for women, it's looks. Age matters as well which may just be tied into looks!! It may look unfair but that's how the society works. Please don't call this a privilege.

A man without a job is in a similar position with a girl who doesn't look good or isn't young! Unfortunately, u r at the wrong side of things!

Today there is an article saying that Kangana Ranaut wants to get married and have kids.

https://www.outlookindia.com/art-entertainment/kangana-ranaut-says-she-wants-to-marry-have-her-own-family-news-295454

She is March 1986 born, according to a newspaper report which published her passport (though she repeatedly lies about her age and some crooked editors on Wikipedia, aka Fake-ipedia, have locked her DOB as 1987). So this means Kangana is 37 years old (whether she admits it or not). Now, if someone as successful, rich and glamorous as her cannot find a husband at the age of 37, you are not alone and you should not feel bad. But perhaps like Kangana you may be too choosy about the kind of guy you want. That's not a bad thing, but you should be prepared to wait. Otherwise there is no shame in being single. One of the most acclaimed and beautiful actresses we have (Tabu) is single at the age of 51. She obviously felt that it is better to be single than marry a compatible guy. Nothing wrong in it at all. 👍

https://www.dnaindia.com/entertainment/report-kangana-ranaut-s-hiding-her-real-age-and-we-have-proof-2365264

I might be following a similar path as you. I will join my first Job soon, having similar issues as you. although I am 27-28ish, being a guy with not so huge money dating is still difficult for me, even so with this much age gap issue, I mean I can see myself in your position if I don't do something about it, wish I could have a word with you.

No. Not late. Ira Trivedi is your age and got married a couple of days ago. However, unfortunately, we live in a patriarchal and racist society (worldwide) where looks matter (fair skin, slim build, sharp features) and so the likes of Ira Trivedi are never short of suitors. You say that you are not attractive looking. That is, sadly, a problem for 99% of men. I hope you get lucky and end up with someone from the 1%.

I wouldn't recommend using dating sites.

You should ideally aim for the 35-45 age category, who will not be found here, rather meet them in office/ functions/ ask your friends for someone they know/ maybe ask some sensible relative/ look at some guys from your parents' choice prolly.

On a lighter note, Also, even younger guys do crave for older women so.....if you find them attractive give the Under 30s a chance I guess, you will find many.....

Age 36 - 38 - Female, I started out late in my career and suffered some setbacks. I am a corporate lawyer making well over 40 LPA in NCR. Wish to not give any specifics and blur my details as it's easy to track down private information.

I have rejected my parents plans for arranged marriages, as I found most guys to be unsupportive, patriarchal and found the whole process as a headache. Even after trying hard there has not been a spark.

I am not deemed conventionally attractive, and have never been asked out by a single guy throughout my life. Most of my girl friends get hit on by men - they go for dates, get lunches, compliments from men.

But I have never got any of these even though my friends who looked even bad got dates.

Signed up for Bumble and Tinder only to find that most men are creeps. I felt like calling the cops.

Registered on a matrimonial website - have seen some guys, none match my standards (which are very reasonable)

Office colleagues and friends circles are pretty much useless as most men here are married with kids. And other guys in my age groups are looking for younger women.

The men I found attractive (character) , felt a spark, I asked them out, proposed to them only to find out that they didn't reciprocate the same feelings. I didn't just gave hints - I have asked them out on a date, proposed to them myself to find that they were also wasting my time and playing games.

Over the past few months, I have been feeling lonely and left out by my friends and family.

My standards were not that high, I deserve reasonably smart guys with decent character because I am doing that well for myself. Caste/Income/Position is not an issue. I am an approachable person, I have a strong freinds circle and family

Am I too old to find love, start a family?

Where are the men? Where should I find them? Especially at my age and life situation?

Please don't recommend matrimonial websites and dating sites.

Why I was never asked out? Proposed to?

Am I at fault?

At this point I genuinely crave for someone to share my life with. I am not doing this because of social pressures. Freinds, family has given up on me.