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How Nandii Reywal got drunk, got wild and got laid (off)

Posted by nandiireywal on Saturday, 25 Aug 12 in Life as a qualified lawyer

Disclaimer 1: The title for this post has nothing to do with Opal Mehta. Kaavya’s got the all the intellectual property for that one (snigger snigger!)

Disclaimer 2: This post was conceived a couple of months ago. Recent occurrences have no impact on its content. As stated earlier, resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Please take a minute and think of your worst nightmare.

I'd like you multiply that particular feeling by a million.

And then repeat the exercise.

That probably gets you some somewhere in the region of what I am currently feeling. Its 8 am this morning here in London and I have an absolutely raging hangover. I am typing out this post in an attempt to keep myself occupied and, to a certain extent, distracted to avoid thinking of what's in store for me.

I'd like to warn you at the very outset that this entry is not for the faint-hearted so if you have a weak ticker I strongly suggest that you stop reading right now.

This is the story of how Nandii Reywal got drunk, got wild and got fired.

This sh*t just got real.

You guys are the first to know. It probably hasn't been broadcast in the Bradbury & Laithrose office yet but these things have a way of getting around soon or later.

Here's a brief timeline of how things have unfolded over the last twenty-four (24) hours.

____________________________________________________________________

0800 hrs yesterday – Smelling the roses.

[Modern Bob : Biggest day of my life. The transaction consuming every waking hour for the past 6 months is about to sign. I am showered and suited-up. My coffee is in-hand. My taxi to the office is waiting.]

1100 hrs yesterday– Signing on.
[Modern Bob : I’ve been in the office twiddling my thumbs for the past 3 hours. Our lovely clients were supposed to show up at 9 am. No biggie (to borrow a turn of phrase from my good friend Kian)]

1500 hrs yesterday – Signing off.

[Modern Bob : After spending four (4) hours checking whether signatures have been put in the right places by both parties, I declare triumphantly that we have now signed. It amazes me how semi-educated adults earning seven figure salaries still require a Nandii Reywal (or equivalent) to tell them that “aal iz well” (with due apologies to Vindhu Vinod Chopra if he is reading this).]

1505 hrs yesterday– Pop! Goes the weasel!

[Modern Bob : My boss announces that party time has officially commenced- the first bottle of champagne is uncorked.
Now you guys need to know a few things about my boss. Clients love him because he promises them six impossible things before breakfast. He works hard, but expects us to work harder. He comes in on Sunday, but it’s just to check which associates are having a lie-in on God’s own day. He tells me (more often than I’d like) that I’d do extremely well to get where he is. Sometimes he offers me a lift in his Bentley while I walk to the tube-station in the rain. Needless to say, he drives off when I’m about to get in. Make no mistake- he can be nice but it’s usually only when an exceptionally pretty female associate is involved. Charm personified- all in all, he is truly a Class A villain.]

1800 hrs yesterday – Opinions, to each his own
[Modern Bob: By this time, the deal team has moved to the friendly neighbourhood bar to celebrate. Heated arguments commence over the drafting on certain points related to the transaction. My boss chastises my process-management skills. He denounces my lack of application. He scorns the use of my poetic phraseology. I suffer in silence].

2000 hrs yesterday– The Dance of Nandii.
[Modern Bob: It’s been nearly five (5) hours since we started drinking. On an empty stomach. Inevitably, my two left feet began to shake shake-shake-shake-a-shake it.

(I believe there now are a few videos on YouTube. Try searching for “Drunk Indian Man dancing” – pretty similar to this actually, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_j7XSW1C138)]

2230 hrs yesterday- The Play.

[Modern Bob: I’d had my eye on this one since she was a trainee in our department last year. Rebecca was her name- nice-looking, very sweet, sharp intellect and great legs. She was the newly qualified associate on the deal. In my supremely lucid state, I decided it was time to get Becky drunk (call me a predator- I say 'whatevs').]

0030 hrs today : The Thumbs-down
[Modern Bob: Despite a concerted effort on my part to get Becks horrendously drunk while regaling her with stories of my heroic role on the transaction, she remains stone-cold sober. Some constitution that. When my second extremely subtle offer to drop her home is not-so-subtly turned down, I give up and resign myself to another night cradling my beloved transaction bible.

I turn back to what’s really important in life– whisky on the rocks and lots of it.]

0100 hrs today : The makings of a tragedy
[Modern Bob: I stagger out of the gents to find my colleagues sniggering. Becks left with my boss they say. Apparently he was giving her a lift home since her place was “on his way”.

Yeah, right.

Fleeting feeling of admiration for the man.

I go back to the bar with every intention of drinking it dry].

0245 hrs today – Disaster strikes

[Modern Bob: This bit is hazier than the rest considering by this time I’ve nearly drunk myself into oblivion.

I look at my last friend in the world, my BlackBerry and send my boss an email with the subject "YOU ARE A F&CKI%G BA$T@RD"(censored here only to keep LegallyIndia family-friendly).

Five (5) little words that are going to spell the end of a promising career at Bradbury & Laithrose.

Five (5) little words that are going to rock my world.

For some reason, I’m still a little proud that given the state I was in I managed to type those five words without any mis-spellings. I must have really meant it.]

0300 hrs today- Satisfaction
[Modern Bob: I sleep the sleep of the satisfied. Tomorrow is another day. Today I’ve won. Peace out.]
___________________________________________________________________

I woke up this morning with a splitting headache and vague feeling of unease. It took me a few minutes to realise what I had done.

I checked my BlackBerry in the fawn hope that I’d dreamt it all up. I look for that particular e-mail. And there it is –no mistaking it. And I had in a fit of alcohol-induced career suicide-ism sent it to my boss.

He couldn’t possibly take this as a joke. My career was over because of two missed meals, an overactive libido and a lack of control over the amount of alcohol I consume.

I wait for the call from HR telling me I’m fired. No call. This silence is unbearable.

My BlackBerry beeps. I figure it’s someone emailing me to tell me not to bother to turn up today and that my stuff will be shipped to my home address.

I check my e-mail.

The subject line of email from IT received says: "Re: YOU ARE A F&CKI%G BA$T@RD" ".

The text of the email, amongst other things, says: "Mail Undeliverable: Firewall Profanity Filter".

I read the bounce-back message again carefully.

It's funny how powerful five (5) little words can be.

Today’s hangover is a price I’m more than willing to pay.

nandiireywal (3.00 points earned)

nandiireywal has not set their biography yet

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Comments

Abhimanyu.Chopra Sunday, 26 Aug 12

hhahaha... god bless ur fliter.. tk ur it dept for a well deserved drink..

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
ROGERBABY Sunday, 26 Aug 12

Excellent read. One of the most interesting blog posts I've read in a while.

Do you have a blog?

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
@ rogerbaby Monday, 27 Aug 12

r u nuts?

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lovestocomment Monday, 27 Aug 12

haha!! lovely!

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
nandiireywal Monday, 27 Aug 12

@Abhimanyu - I promise never to curse our IT system again. Not even when my documents crash/wipe out at 3 am and I have to start over. Thank god for IT!

@Rogerbaby - Thank you! Obviously you have great taste! I've been blogging on LI for the past two years - here's the link http://www.legallyindia.com/Blogs/Blogger/Listings/nandiireywal for the rest of my posts. Do have a read when you have some spare time.

@lovestocomment- Thanks!

·
nandiireywal Monday, 27 Aug 12

@rogerbaby - Something went wrong with the link - here you go

http://www.legallyindia.com/Blogs/Blogger/Listings/nandiireywal

·
soveryrandom Monday, 27 Aug 12

lol..most fun thing i've read on LI.

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
nandiireywal Monday, 27 Aug 12

@soveryrandom- good to know, after all what's the point of life without a little fun!

·
curious. Tuesday, 28 Aug 12

whats you real name nandii reywal?!

·
nandiireywal Tuesday, 28 Aug 12

Can't disclose that, sorry. Curiousity would kill the cat (i.e me in this case!).

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N Tuesday, 28 Aug 12

You write well...Try writing something that does not involve alcohol and extremely sexy women(you are obsessed with both!!)... its almost like you write for A cheesy boys magazine.

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
nandiireywal Tuesday, 28 Aug 12

@N - thanks -will take that as a backhanded compliment. Not sure if you've read my other posts, have a look and let me know if you still think whether that's the case?

·
N Wednesday, 29 Aug 12

Thumbs up for your little piece on pro bono work...loved it!
All of us do not have a deal with the devil after all

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
nandiireywal Wednesday, 29 Aug 12

@N - Thanks, delighted you liked that piece. Incidentally, just tweeted about iProBono - http://thebetterindia.mobstac.com/5936/i-probono-where-lawyers-can-offer-free-legal-assistance-to-ngos/?maneref=http%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2FfMMSyyHw

Seems like an excellent inititaive. Do check it out when you have some time.

p.s. I've been thinking about it and this particular story wouldn't have worked half as well without the pretty lady or the alcohol. All for the cause of fun fiction!

·
N Wednesday, 29 Aug 12

With all due respect to you ability to play well with words and not doubting the importance of pretty ladies and alcohol In making stories and life in general super interesting...There was nothing unpredictable or WOW about this story..Do not get me wrong I am all for fun fiction

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
N Wednesday, 29 Aug 12

Your*

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nandiireywal Wednesday, 29 Aug 12

@N - haha, point taken- not much I can say here without sounding either defensive or petty!

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kp Wednesday, 29 Aug 12

So Unpredictable! Stay Blessed

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
nandiireywal Wednesday, 29 Aug 12

@KP - thanks for the support! Hope you enjoyed the post!

p.s.And just in case you're Kevin Pietersen, pity there's no filter on SMSs!

·
kp Wednesday, 29 Aug 12

Nope! The Abbreivations covers no Celebrity but just a struggling corporate lawyer :P

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
nandiireywal Wednesday, 29 Aug 12

@KP - Join the club, my friend, join the club....

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abhishek2502 Thursday, 30 Aug 12

I Cuese Blackberry for that

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nandiireywal Thursday, 30 Aug 12

@abhishek - Appears you're more an iPhone/Galaxy person, to each his own I suppose!

·
Curious Lawyer Thursday, 30 Aug 12

Hi NandiiiReywal, I have a strong feeling you're john grisham in the making.. Keep it up. Loved the suspense in this article.. Please do write more articles like these...

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
nd Thursday, 30 Aug 12

lol too gud

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
nandiireywal Thursday, 30 Aug 12

@Curious lawyer - thank you! An Indian John Grisham - high praise indeed!

@nd - glad you enjoyed it, thanks!

·
KoolKat Thursday, 30 Aug 12

Kian:
Why is Nandii India's favourite expat lawyer? First, I object to use of term 'expat'. Please explain the differences between 'expat lawyer', 'migrant worker lawyer' and 'immigrant lawyer'. Second, why is s/he India's favourite? Has s/he won some election? This is backdoor advertising. The Bar Council of India must stop this.

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nandiireywal Thursday, 30 Aug 12

@Koolkat - surely you're joking! How is this an advertisement for anyone (Nandii is a fictional lawyer) or anything (CHR and B&L are also ficitonal entities). Ridiculous!

p.s. Am pretty sure this is a troll masquerading as Koolkat. I seem to remember KK being a sensible soul.

·
Sarbojeet Saturday, 1 Sep 12

I really admire your unique style of writing..... i had a similar xperience wen d firewall saved me frm being fired

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
nandiireywal Saturday, 1 Sep 12

@Sarbojeet- Thanks! And wow! Are you able to give us details of your experience?

·
Madhuri Monday, 3 Sep 12

I commented before :O Guess that got filtered out :-/
I loved this post You lucky scumbag!! :P

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nandiireywal Tuesday, 4 Sep 12

Hehehehe! Thanks Madhuri, Nandii aims to please!

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Shwe Saturday, 15 Sep 12

Very nice! Hugely amusing and every bit possible! Circulated it to the juniors (by way of warning) *evil boss laugh*

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
Litigator Monday, 17 Sep 12

was just falling asleep at work... thanks for adding some flair to our otherwise pretty monotonous life... a good read.. Definitely Kudos...

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
Alan Shore Thursday, 27 Sep 12

Love the writing. Bet you're a smooth talker too. Are you into men by any chance?

· nandiireywal likes this comment.
Rosh Thursday, 18 Oct 12

Hahaha! One of the funniest writings i've read! Good work indeed!

·
Lawst Monday, 22 Oct 12

Has to be the best blog on LI.

Very well written, makes you visualize the entire scenario. Obviously, could happen to any of us.

You must write more (on fun things, please).

Also, good job replying to most of the comments. Take care, God bless

·
nandiireywal Monday, 29 Oct 12

@Shwe - Oh dear! I am sure your juniors are way more sensible than Nandii (but did you wonder though how many such emails you haven't received?!! :P)

@ Litigator - thanks! I know from bitter experience that courtrooms can be soporific. I would suggest that you have a a look at my older posts while your senior drones on endlessly. Do let me know if they keep you awake!

@Alan Shore - This Denny is into Shirley and mad cows. No flamingos for Nandii (yet) but thanks for asking. :-P

@Rosh - many thanks! Good to know you enjoyed it !

@Lawst - thanks a ton, will certainly try and write more regularly - it's just that things can get a bit hectic here at B&L! And Nandii is rarely (if ever!) serious so no worries on that count!

@All - Apologies for the delay in responding. Only just realised that you guys had commented on the post!

·
SB Monday, 26 Nov 12

Hey Nandi,

Have been following your post for sometime.. read the above, re-read it earlier and reading for the third time..

Need to admit, it's hilarious, quite insightful (since i could relate to it) and honestly, the email thing is what i always dream of daring :-) (not sure of filters at my place, hence never tried)

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legalr4ge Tuesday, 11 Dec 12

Great blog !!!.....btw do you work for A&O?

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