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An estimated 5-minute read

Law School ki Kahaani, Sutte ki Zubaani

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Disclaimer: The characters mentioned in this post are fictional. Any resemblance to any person or thing living or dead is purely coincidental.

The translated version of the title is, 'Life at law school as seen by a cigarette, A cigarette's take on life at law school.'

I am a SUTTA (Cigarette) and I unify everyone in and around me irrespective of who they are and where they come from. I come in various shapes, forms and brands, Irrespective; I give my consumer highest possible satisfaction with no questions asked and no answers warranted. Last week, I came across three interesting people having a discussion before their exams.

Adrian Joseph is the son of a senior partner at a top tier law firm, and is pretty secure about his future. Keerthikant Chailchabilo Bhai is the son of a farmer and Bhujgan Heendeen Dukhiyare is a man who constantly worries about his future because he is a localite who has defied his family by taking up the law and has to make the name of his khaandan (family) roshan (proud) since he is a first generation lawyer.

It was 3 AM in the morning with the exam scheduled at 10 AM. All of the above three mentioned gentlemen, have reached saturation point with regard to mugging up the Takeover Code and are questioning each other on how exactly, would it benefit each of them, considering that when they do enter the outside world, they will anyway have the Code at their disposal to solve disputable issues.

Since it is so late in the night and all of them are under immense pressure, each of them searches for a Sutta (cigarette) in order to attain Moksha in Law school parlance. As it turns out so often, they’ve run out of their stock of Sutta. But, it turns out that they are in luck, Bhujgan happens to have one sutta, and it happens to be a nani (small) Gold Flake which is the cheapest available brand. Adrian looks at Bhujgan and says, ‘Ah, Sutta, My savior, Bhujgan please pass it on.’, Bhujgan takes a drag and passes it on, Adrian takes a drag and passes it on further to Keerthikant. (Here, there is an unwritten rule to be mentioned that once a sutta is lit, it has to be passed on turn by turn, especially, when exams in which there exists no hope of passing are upcoming.)

Their conversation while deriving pleasure out of my services is as follows:

Adrain, “Abbey, SEBI comes out with so many guidelines, at the end investor protection is what everything is aimed at, it makes life miserable for us only by constantly repeating the same thing in different words.’

Keerthikant affirmatively responds and says, ‘SEBI ko dosh math do, dosh dena hain toh faculty ko do, SEBI roz kuch na kuch karti rehti hain toh hamare baap ka kya jaata hain.’

(Don’t blame the SEBI. If you do want to blame someone, blame the faculty who expects us to mug this entire thing up. SEBI comes out with something all the time, what do our Dad’s have to lose?)

Bhujgan looks at both of them and says, ‘ Bhai, what are we supposed to do, neither job is secure nor LLM is secure.’

Adrain, ‘Ahh, well you see Dad’s got everything set for me, what’s the issue man, come and join my firm.’

Keerthikant, ‘ Abbey, firm virm chhod, sutta pass kar, remember it is Nani Goldflake.’

(Dude, chuck the firm nonsense, pass the sutta, it is a small Goldflake.)

Bhujgan, ‘ Ohh, my life , what I thought and what happened.’

Adrain, ‘Don’t worry, If nothing else, litigation is always there.’

Keethikant, ‘I don’t know all that,  Judiciary exam I’ll give and I’ll get a Laal Batthi (Red Light) car which signifies power.’

Bhujgan, ‘Oho, what will happen to me.’

The sutta is now finished and all of them look at each other with a question mark as to what to do now. Nearly 80 % of the syllabus is left and the time now was 3:20 AM. Then, Keerthikant directly applies the rocket principle (principle which makes you work as if your ass is on fire.)

Keerthikant, ‘Dekho….’


Bhujgan and Adrian listen intently,

Keerthikant, ‘Haan bhai, Now, in each provision which is applicable, keep putting investor protection, For minor, obviously, guardian will have to be appointed for claiming money, if shareholders resent, then automatically, write the theory of hostile takeover and come, half the marks at least you’ll get there.’

Adrian, ‘Haan and if the percentages seem very uneven, then put the takeover principle and both the dissenting and assenting opinions, faculty will get bored reading the big answer and  will give marks.’

Bhujgan, ‘Also, let’s get one thing straight; when you see the term unlisted then automatically say that the Code is not applicable. You will get full marks.’

Adrain, ‘And yes, our usual funda (fundamental), if you don’t remember the name of a case then write the facts of the question, and begin with the word, ‘In a leading case, copy the facts, and pass judgment….’

All three of them look at each other with an underlying approval that all of them will now definitely pass in the exam. Adrian discovers that he has one more Sutta left and makes it appear from an area in which only he and certain privileged people can enter into, and again looks at his comrades. They all decide to chuck the bare provisions, mug up three cases and only use those three cases in all their answers.

I in my capacity of being a Sutta had once again fulfilled my objective of satisfying my consumer and giving them requisite peace of mind.

Always remember,  ‘ Sutta is the eternal savior, it’s man's gift to mankind to ward off unnecessary worries.

(The idea and inspiration for this post was derived from my friend whom I call as the ‘Godfather’. I thank him wholeheartedly for making me do this  even when we have our exams going on.)

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