Please know your animals well. Or atleast read them well.

Aries- The Ram (Mar 21- Apr 19)

The Ram will shed off its big and pricey horns and selling the horns will make way for a great deal. Hire a lawyer for the deal, probably a Sybmiosis graduate, as they have the horniest people there.

Taurus- The Bull (Apr 20- May 20)

Do not add to your office space or try to show off with some crapy news on LegallyBindia.com. A big bull into will crash your office. A bull run at the market and other such bullshit things will continue to happen.

Gemini- The Twins (May 21- June 21)

You have a twin brother or sister aspiring to be a lawyer. Why in the hell haven’t you stopped him yet? You need to do it soon before planets start doing their stuff.

Cancer- The Crab (June 22- July 22)

You have a corporate client suffering from cancer and he’ll die soon, with your bills unpaid. Don’t worry. Seriously, how many of your clients have paid you without disturbing your sleep?

Leo- The Lion (July 23- Aug 22)

You will feel like the king of the jungle this week. You will amass some really kickass deals for your firm. Your little cub at Harvard will start with sex. Aye! That little prince. He will take your firm to new heights. Who else will? Specially when you hire just your family?

Virgo- The Virgin (Aug 23- Sep 22)

A Leo is virgin’s best friend since these guys are on a sex spree. Otherwise with 377 being declared illegal, you have all the more reasons too come out of your sun sign ethos and truly express yourself.

Libra- The Scales (Sep 23- Oct 23)

You will measure and balance everything this week. If you are a CLAT aspirant stuck between NLIU and NLU, Jodhpur, the measuring and balancing will be longer. But thats not for this week. This will go on for ages.

Scorpio- The Scorpion (Oct 23- Nov 21)

 Since ‘scorpio-the scorpion’ is an alliteration, poets won’t do too well in business. Doesn’t make sense? Well, that’s how stars function. LegalPoet’s reputation will take a hit too. Poor guy. He thought he’ll win.

Sagittarius- The Archer (Nov 22- Dec 21)

If you are aiming for something, aim for NLSIU. Other aims are muddled with confusion. NALSAR v. NUJS, NLIU v. NLUJ, GNLU v. HNLU etc. If you are from these colleges, read a mantra, take out your most dramatic arrow (ever seen Mahabharta?) and aim anonymously at one another.

Capricorn- The Goat (Dec 22- Jan 19)

You will climb great mountains and traverse great crevices with ease. Afterall, thats what goats do. However, you won’t still get a job. Legal job market is tougher than climbing and hip-hopping beta.

Aquarius- The Water Bearer (Jan 20- Feb 19)

With your wife divorcing you in an adversorial litigation, you won’t find any water to drink. Dude, she has taken the keys to the fridge, cut the water pipes and what not. Her lawyer advised this all. You’ll do well to hire a better lawyer next time, for other such practical strategies.

Pisces- The Fish (Feb 19- March 20)

You will continue to swim through the thick and thin, largely thin, mind you. If you are an associate, larger fish will be a pain the neck, as always. If your the partner, the smaller fish with bother you, as usual.  

NaginBhabhi, Bangalore

NLSIU Bangalore, very aguably (ask Nalsar or NUJS) the best Indian law school which pioneered legal education in 1987 with the introduction of the the 5 year integrated law course has been shut after Harvard Law School opened in Mumbai today.

“We faced a severe identity crisis when we heard that Harvard law school was going to be established in India. NLSIU used to call itself the Harvard of the East. Now with Harvard itself here, we could not decide who we were”, said Pehechan Kaun, director of NLSIU.

Coincidentally, earlier this year, the NLU Pride which had been reportedly killed by a serial killer, Niti SexLena was revived by the doctors. Inspired by proud, open and brash use of swords and khukris in the Punjab University elections, Niti SexLena had used a sword to kill the NLU Pride. However, the sword attack had the NLU pride in coma and the pride was revived after great efforts by the doctors.

“More than a medical achievement it is a win of human emotions such as love for money”, said doctor SexDena of SexWala hospital

“We had partners of Amarchand, Clifford Chance and Luthra & Luthra come for emotional and moral support of the NLU Pride which was in very serious condition. They showed the NLU Pride the paychecks it would earn etc. The related positive emotions resulted in release of healing grandular secretions”, he said.

“Earlier when the parents came, the NLU Pride could not be revived. The parents could not do much”, he added, munching potato chips as he listened to the song ‘baap bada na bhaiya, the whole thing is that ki bhaiya sabse bada rupaiya’.

However, Niti SexLena has said that he won’t give up. “I also have guns and revolvers and I will continue my efforts to kill the NLU pride”. He told our reporter that he had learnt the use of guns, again through practice in the Punjab University elections.

Meanwhile, NLSIU Bangalore has said that it will now mentor its successors NALSAR Hyderabad and NUJS Kolkata and other national law schools so that they won’t face such identity crisis later on. A meeting of the Vice Chancellors will be held later this month.

Prof MP Singh, Vice Chancellor at NUJS, embarking on a constitutional topic, as he does always, said “Even our constitution talks about national pride and maitaining sovereignity. I am presently researching on foreign law colleges and their constitutional validity”. This will be Prof. Singh’s 1257^th research paper on Constitutional Law.

Press’s Crust of India (its tangy)

In a shocking development all the students from arguably the top three law colleges in the country: NLSIU, Bangalore; NALSAR, Hyderbad and NUJS, Kolkata have failed in the first ever Bar Exam held by the Bar Council of India on 30 December, 2010 in 50 centers accross India.

“It is a surprise to us that all the students have failed”, said Mr. Barrier of the Bar Council of India.

The president of the Students Bar Council of NLSIU when contacted said, “The question papers which we were handed read ‘Bar Bar Examination-2010’. Our students mistook it for being an examination for being barred from the bar and didn’t take the exam. Hence, no body could make it”.

Mr Barrier when apprised of the situation replied, “The students of NLUs should stop using their minds too much. My experience as a judge of moot courts suggests that students from NLUs use too much of their brain in their memos and arguments. We don’t need such brainy law students. They just need to be reasonable students”.

NUJS’ student body representative too pointed at the typographical mistake, “We thought that the exam had too be completed twice (bar bar) which none of us could. Fearing the disrepute such results would bring to the institution we decided not to submit the answer sheets at all”.

Final Year Law Student who has been in the final year since last 7 years to proactively take up the cause of final year students said, "We all thought that BCI wanted to test whether we paid attention to detail but...". We will keep you updated on some PIL or blog from him as this is what he usually does.

NALSAR representatives could not be reached because of the ongoing Telangana trouble.

Not many people here will know who Nitish Saxena is. But with nearly 850 facebook friends and many more in real existence, he is a popular chap. Add to that some amazingly deft hands at painting, an articulate mouth which shuts every other and a great brain at work; Nitish Saxena makes for an interesting profile.

Presently in 2^nd year at UILS (University Institute of Legal Studies) of PU (Punjab University), he is doing enough to put the slackers at NLUs to shame. Here is his story:

CLAT

For Nitish preparing for CLAT never felt like carrying a burden but was like a trip meant to be enjoyed, a breezy journey in which he learnt from all; the LST modules, the tutors and his classmates. He kept is cup empty and it got filled; every time.

Clutter and Struggle

Alas! It seemed he should have had more helpings of the drink in the cup. With a rank of 442 in CLAT he had the option of GNLU, an option he had never thought upon. NLS, NALSAR, NUJS were the words he had sworn by. However, he still felt the uncontrollable urge to grab an NLU seat; as strong as the need of a drowning man for Oxygen.

Oxygen! Inhale!

But Nitish Saxena grew gills. Also, fresh air came through an expected quarter. With a rank 3 in the PU’s combined entrance test there was a dilemma before the young lad. PU’s UILS offered him the comforts of home, the closeness to his family, the luxuries of being a day scholar and the love of a city known to him for over 15 years!

The Decision (very corporate)! Exhale!

Both GNLU and UILS were new institutions then, barely 5 years old, still making a name for themselves and placements hadn't happened yet in any of these colleges. His family adopted a very corporate style approach to solve the kid’s dilemma. A pros-cons analysis was drawn up (Wonder if PPT slides and laser pointers were used too) J.

GNLU attracted him because of the NLU brand. Other reasons hinted loudly towards UILS (Loud even by Punjabi standards).

Never Stop Dreaming

“Here I was, at UILS, and there was no looking back now. At this point, it was sheer optimism which made me feel that it hardly mattered whether one dream was shattered [CLAT-NLU dream]. What mattered was that I must never stop dreaming”.

UILS: an amazing amalgamation

“There is something to this place [UILS] which makes you look forward to come to college every day, sometimes even on lazy Sundays. Perhaps it is the campus and the crowd. Most of my time was of course taken by studies (your exams aren't that easy), projects (which involved field work too) and presentations”.

“The best thing about PU has to the amazing amalgamation of a students coming from various streams of education. Facilities in the university including a huge library (Asia's largest), a gym, cricket/football grounds, swimming pools, and lots more make PU far better than many of the NLUs”.

Things to do

“The other opportunities which UILS provided me, and which I immediately grabbed were seminars, research papers, conferences, moot courts and internships”.

Moots

• Came 2nd in the Surana & Surana National Trial Advocacy Moot Court.
• Participated in a National level Human Rights Moot organized by NHRC.

Paper Presentations

• Presented a research paper on "IPRs: Bio Piracy" at the National Law & Technology Seminar.
• Presented a research paper on "The Maintenance & Welfare of Senior Citizens Act 2007: A Bold Legislation or Mere Eyewash" at the All India Law Congress.

Internships

• A 6 week summer internship at Punjab SHRC, Chandigarh.

Extra-Curricular Activities

• Came 1st in the inter-college on-the-spot Debate held at PEC's Literary Fest, Chandigarh.
• Came 1st in the Business Marketing Plan Competition held at PEC Fest, Chandigarh.

The worst thing about NLUs

“The worst thing about NLUs, undoubtedly, has to be the intense competition which students face. It is so severe that most of them are unable to cope with it. Although the place refines you and makes you a person ready to take on the monstrous corporate world, it also takes a bit of life out of you”.

“I often hear my fellow NLU students brooding about too much pressure, studies, exams etc. NLSIU has a trimester system to add to the miseries of the poor souls”. [Ha!]

Familial drugs, fatal distances?

“Moreover, they are away from family which too affects them. Another rampant problem is drug abuse. Almost 8 out of 10 friends of mine who went to NLU's took up smoking, drinking or drugs. They call it a measure to break free from stress. I call it self-destruction. I fail to understand why NLUs compel them to resort to such means”.

Envy

However Nitish doesn’t deny being envious; envious of the practical training that NLU students get, the academic atmosphere of an NLU, the intelligent pan India crowd and their desire to be the best.

The murder

Nitish didn’t opt for an NLU by a conscious and deliberated choice. There he had stabbed the pride. And when you realise that he has no qualms about not joining an NLU and actually believe that he is better off at UILS, you can’t help but ponder, wonder and pat on the back of the murderer.

Nitish can be reached on Facebook here www.facebook.com/nitishsaxena

Disclaimer: Please, this is nothing against GNLU which I think is a top notch law college. Please note that I am of talking about 2-3 years ago. And Nitish too is a sort of 'rebel', who goes against the normal and then succeeds. Anyone now in his situation would prefer GNLU, of course. (Except him, maybe. That is why I interviewed him). :)

Nandii Reywal, the London settled Indian Lawyer challenged me. Bihari Babuu loves challenges. He has defeated all the pehelwans in his village. He’ll make Nandii bite dust too. Aaan do!

Part I- Racism

My buffaloes are black,

My cows are white,

And they both give milk.

Considerations about colour of beings

Have been give last rites

Yet they emerge, sometimes

As fresh as the rainbow’s hues

With all seven colours, glaring at you

But here is yours truly, Bihari Babuu,

For him milk is important.

Milk; as pure as white light.

Seven things, united as one.

(The healthiest known diet).
 

Part II- Communalism

My little herd of buffaloes, cows and goats

Walking together, disciplined, they roam

Eating leaves, getting fat and giving milk.

Happy is Bihari, happy is the ilk.

My little herd of buffaloes, cows and goats

Sometimes fight, horns strike

Each other and kill. Strife

Makes them unproductive, thin and dead.

Sad is Bihari, sad is the creed.

Part III- Hey Partners! Don’t be a prick. Treat your associates nicely

My cows and buffaloes

Are voiceless.

I treat them well

(Calling them ‘your highness’)

And give them a voice;

A voice a resounding murmur maketh,

A murmur which breaks

Earthy walls and the boundaries laid

Between the employer and the employees

And makes them mates.

PS - I thank my alter ego, Legal Poet for inspiration. BTW Legal Poet, I think I am better than you.

My honourable colleague Mr. Dushyant Arora wants feedback on the ways to conduct the Bar Exam. Here is mine:

1.)    Law students who come on bicycles and scooters will only be tested. Students who come in cars have the option of not taking the exam. It can safely be assumed that the students have enough money to succeed in this profession.

2.)    The students should take the exam in a small room, stuffy and with the air conditioner facing the examiner. The fans, very few in numbers, should work slow, such that no air really flows. This is to judge the student’s ability to think in real life circumstances.

3.)    The paper should be type-written and hard to read. The clarity of a computer printout should be clearly missing from the question paper. True conditions of our courts and judicial system should be amply mimicked.

4.)    For the same reason, fair beautiful people of the fairer sex will be given 30 minutes extra to complete the exam.

5.)    The exam should ideally be held in May-June. Neva Thermo Vests will be the sponsors for the test. Black coats and black pants will be the dress code for the exam. If the examination sheet of a student is wet with sweat, that student will be selected without counting his scores. Sweat, after all is what all lawyers swear by.

6.)    Grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and errors of sentence construction will be overlooked. We don’t expect our lawyers to be well versed in English.

7.)    Answers having some words and sentences written in local languages will be more marks worthy. We expect to the students to know how Indian courts respect languages.

8.)    If students in an examination center go on a strike; all the students of such a center automatically get qualified for the bar as it can be said that they have amply demonstrated the ethos of the bar at an early age.

9.)    Winners of any fights, physical or otherwise get automatically selected; losers are ousted.

[The following newsletter found its way into my Spam folder. I thought it was worth sharing.]

Barelylegalindia.com/Issue 1

Dear Readers,

This has been an eventful week in the industry. Lots to tell. So let’s dive straight into it.

 News

Waves were made at the high-level meeting of the Secret Society Against the Liberalisation of the Indian Legal Market (SSALIM) where several members of the top brass were present. Mr. Batliwaala of Anjaan, Zulmi, Batliwaala & Friends opened the meeting with the radical proposal that foreign law firms be prevented from opening offices in the Indian market. Mr. Saunf of Ramachand, Saunf & Family seconded this proposal and the resolution was passed unanimously by the meeting. The meeting then ended with all members being given copies of Batliwaala Jr.’s summer schoolwork to be distributed to their under-worked underlings.

The Indian Bar Exam has sent final year law students into a tizzy. According to latest reports, it appears that the Bar Council desires to test whether law students are fit to be admitted to the Bar. The movement against this blasphemous testing of legal knowledge (if any) acquired during those five years has now gathered momentum. It culminates in a candle-light vigil to be held at 6 a.m. next Sunday morning at India Gate to honour the intrinsic merit that the Indian law students possess. Please attend and support this noble cause. (It is recommended that you bring your own candles, matches will be supplied free of cost.)

Sources have told barelylegalindia.com that owing to longstanding over-use and abuse, the coffee machine at Shakeel ’n’ Raajan Associates has been replaced. 

 Legal pulls

With the opening of the 23rd National Law School in Bitawallpur, the Bar Council has lived up to its motto- “We deliver quality legal education in 30 minutes anywhere, anytime.”

The Centre has passed a legislation capping fees for all litigating lawyers at Rs. 5 crore per case. This has been done to safeguard the nobility of the profession. 

Snooting Premier League

The Snooting Premier League has been rocked by allegations of betting scandal. With competition hotting up for the bottom spot, it has been alleged by an anonymous person on an anonymous website that all the major competitions are being fixed. It appears a sting operation caught on film persons with vested interests offering promising snooters the greatest prize possible-internships- to lose. Barelylegalindia.com is investigating the fiasco further and is currently verifying the reliability of the video.

Blogging con-petition

Lots of great blogging action this week:

- Nibrana007, one of our best legal writers, in a surprise move, has written a short blog entry on brevity being the soul of wit.

-  Pegal Loet claims he is tired of poetry and has switched to prose. In his latest post, he analyses the connection between unicorns, law students and animal right activists.

- John2011 cheerfully explores rainbows, butterflies and sun-kissed meadows.

- Jharkhandi Bhaluu in the Basic Structure of the Great Indian Farmland explains to the uneducated the difference between his buffaloes and cows.

- Penultimate Year Law Student argues that anything beyond the fourth year of law school should be scrapped, making a few interesting points in the process.

-Thandii Chawal in yet another annoying post whines about his comfortable corporate life and claims its all about the money, honey.

Please note that all bloggers are required to deposit $200 each to be considered for the blogging con-petition. We accept Visa, Mastercard and Paypal. All receipts will be distributed to tortured blog readers with the funniest and/or nastiest comments.

Comment of the week

[censored].

Best,

Editor

Barelylegalindia.com

The Companies Act, 1956, though it requires some reforms as mooted through Companies Bill, 2009, is one of the finest legislations.  Each provision or the section under the Companies Act, 1956 has a sound logic though there exist very few sections which are to be deleted or modified suitably.  The shareholders may not participate in day-to-day affairs of the Company, but, still, their rights are protected as every Company is supposed to maintain books of accounts, conduct the required Board meetings, file the statutory returns and inform the shareholders of the Company about its functioning and the development in a particular year through annual returns and annual accounts which are also accompanied by the Director's report and the Auditor's report. When we think as to how a concern, as an incorporated company functions, the entire legal frame-work is interesting and appears to be logically sound. It is also true that many listed public companies follow the regulatory framework of Company Law in India scrupulously. Many shareholders of a listed company may not even look at the affairs of the Company in detail though they receive documents and communications from the Company very often.  Listed public Companies are well regulated in view of SEBI regulations, listing agreement with Stock Exchanges and the continuous supervision of SEBI and the Stock Exchanges.

Contrary to the functioning of listed public companies, private companies or the closely held companies ignore the regulatory framework of Company Law and they think that they are the proprietors of the Company. Though, we very frequently use the word "family company", there is no such description of a Company under the provisions of Companies Act, 1956. It is also true that the private companies are given liberty to have their own internal regulations through Articles of Association and Share Transfers are regulated. While there is no problem with a private company where the entire shareholding is held by a family or a group of persons without any difference of opinion, practically, every company tends to think about expansion of the Company and attraction of more investment into the Company which results in the change in the shareholding pattern of a private company very frequently. In many cases, the change in the shareholding pattern of a company is preceded by an agreement between the Company and the investors.  As everybody is a human being with natural emotions and greed, there tend to be some difference of opinion among the members which will end up with drastic consequences. When the trust is lost among the shareholders or between two groups in the Company, then, the consequences of breach of trust would be disastrous.  With the disbelief, one group tries to dominate the affairs in the Company and serious differences thus erupt. It is a reality in corporate sector that there tend to be some business secrets, and concealment etc. 

Though there is no oppression or mismanagement in the Company, taking advantage of the knowledge of business secrets and concealment, a group of shareholders who qualify under section 399 of the Companies Act, 1956 approach the Company Law Board under section 397/398 of the Companies Act, 1956. As everybody knows, section 397/398 of the Companies Act, 1956 meant to provide a preventive measure for the protection of the rights of the minority shareholders. Company Law Board has been conferred with elaborate powers under section 397/398 of the Companies Act, 1956 in order to put an end to the matters complained of while it is also true that there are express limitations on the powers of Company Law Board under section 397/398 of the Act. There are so many lengthy judgments on section 397/398 of the Companies Act, 1956 in view of complications and the stakes involved. It will never be an easy task to understand a company dispute and pass orders and naturally there will be delay in getting the required orders under section 397/398 of the Companies Act, 1956.  The general opinion of shareholders in a private company when they approach the Company Law Board under section 397/398 of the Companies Act, 1956 is that the protection to their rights as envisaged under section 397/398 is not effective.

Few concerns of various shareholders who approach the Company Law Board and who require a remedial measure, as I perceive, are as follows.
Concerns or the feelings of Majority Shareholders or group:

1. Majority tends to rely on majority rule and they will never be happy when a minority tries to trouble the majority by leveling allegations.

2. Majority feels that though they have not committed any act of oppression and mismanagement, the minority shareholders who were privy to business secrets take advantage of those things and tries to trouble the majority.

3. Majority feels that they never want a minority group who intends to trouble the Company; however, acquiring the shares of the minority will be a difficult exercise as there will be unreasonable bargaining and financial difficulties.

4. Majority feels that it has become so easy for a group of shareholders or a minority group in the Company to trouble the majority as a mere allegation can do all the damage.

5. Majority truly feels that they are not provided with any remedy under the provisions of the Companies Act, 1956 thinking that majority rule prevails in the Company and the majority can take any decision in the AGM.

6. Majority never wants to expose themselves as powerless and a group which is not able to deal with the minority and as such they may have to face the obstructions by the minority continually.

7. Though the majority in a Company too can approach the Company Law Board under section 397/398 of the Companies Act, 1956, they may not be able to do so when already a minority group has approached the Board seeking some measures under section 397/398 of the Act. When both the majority and the minority allege something, naturally, the conclusion will be that there exist a deadlock in the Company and consequences will follow. Majority never wants such a situation.

8. Majority group always gets troubled with the filing of fictitious forms with the Registrar of Companies (ROC) and they are still not aware of the remedies to get the fictitious forms removed from the MCA portal. This has become a serious issue in most of the Companies and the issue requires a careful consideration for suitable reforms in law and the practice.

9. Majority feels that the applications under section 397/398 of the Act are loosely entertained and pendency of a petition under section 397/398 of the Act has its own consequences on the functioning of the Company.

Concerns or the feelings of minority:

1.       Minority shareholders too have many grievances at the preventive and remedial measures available to them when they are oppressed and the company is mismanaged.

2.       Minority shareholders were of the opinion that the remedial and preventive measures provided under section 397/398 of the Companies Act, 1956 are not effective.

3.       Minority shareholders feel that there is so much delay in getting the required orders from the Board under section 397/398 of the Act.

4.       Minority shareholders feel that the orders of the Company Law Board are read between lines by the majority and getting the orders implemented has become a bigger issue.

5.       Minority shareholders feel that there are express limitations on the powers of the Company Law Board under section 397/398 and as such they have to approach many forums on the same issue simultaneously.

6.       Minority shareholders are scared to approach the Civil Court as they feel that the procedure before civil court is hectic and prolonged.

7.       Minority shareholders feel that though they were willing to disassociate from the Company, the exist option is not reasonable with all undervaluation in most of the cases.

Reforms required:

        Than ever before, the issue of filing fictitious forms or uploading fictitious forms with MCA portal has become a very serious issue now. The ROC is advising the Company to approach the Company Law Board or the Court and get an order even when an apparent illegality with regard to filing is pointed-out. The majority is hesitant to say that they are being oppressed by the minority though it can happen practically. With the existing legal position, in many cases, the shareholders are forced to approach simultaneous forums and the issue needs to be effectively addressed. The issue of simultaneous proceedings is sought to be addressed in the proposed Companies Bill which contain a specific bar on the Civil Courts to entertain company disputes or matters. There are complications in course even with the specific bar on the jurisdiction of Civil Courts. Such a bar under other special legislations like SARFAECI Act, 2002 can be effective, but, I don’t think that the bar on Civil Courts can be effective under the proposed Companies Bill. The issue of removing fictitious forms is to be addressed on urgent basis. The proceedings of the Company Law Board now and the National Company Law Tribunal in future should be really effective. With many directives of the Supreme Court now on the constitution of National Company Law Tribunal, we hope that the situation will change. We need to have active and knowledgeable presiding officers who are independent in discharge of their functions. A difference between the proceedings of the Company Law Board and the High Court is apparent now and we can see shouting in Company Law Board and it is very rare to see shouting before the High Court. All these issues appear to be very small, but, a lot to convey. The proposed National Company Law Tribunal can never be a High Court, but, in reality, the National Company Law Tribunal discharges the functions of High Court as most of the powers now exercised by the High Court under the Companies Act, 1956 are sought to be transferred to the proposed National Company Law Tribunal.

Note: the views expressed are my personal and I have no intention to insult any institution.

Law Schools can be stifling, stultifying and discouraging at times. People look down upon the ‘other’; sometimes very disparagingly. A mooter thinks mooting is ‘the’ thing. The cool guy thinks that ‘mooting’ is for nerds etc etc.

I believe we should respect choices. Here is a simple piece on that belief.

The many DREAMS In A Law School: Nothing BIG Or SMALL About It

In law school many people live,

People of many colours.

Colourful dreams they do have,

Dreams of many flavours.

Look! There is the GPA chap!

His wish is to be the class’s cream.

Don’t look down upon him. Clap.

Because he does have a dream.

There is the big mooter, supreme:

Vienna, Jessup and places alike,

In his dreams do they chime.

You’ll go places, I know....

But I hope, you won’t chide,

These places he wants to go.

This is the sportsman, all pumped

With all skills his body does,

Look at the sweat and the pumping blood...

Berating him ‘an unserious student’ would be lame

Because he too is a student of the game.

There is the portly rotund guy:

He eats, drinks and gets high

And plays video games all night.

Ah! He is happy in his eye....

Then why do you have this in your mind

That he is a loser in his life?

We all have dreams, dreams big,

Have your dream; a thing to achieve.

Never think that your dream is bigger...

Bigger than, others conceive.

Because dreams like love, like ethics

Cannot be ever relative;

They can only be; dreams,

Keeping the man up from his deathly sleep;

Nothing big or small about it.

CPC, Chow Chow and Wow!


The Civil Procedure Code talks about
What Justice should look like,
What the pleading should plead,
How the pleader should open his mouth.

There is a procedure
On what pen to use,
On the sharpness of the nib,
The colour of the ink,
And what boxes to tick.

Square boxes, twelve in number...
Goes the description.
And when a dozen ticks are done
By the client and his lawyer
Justice takes a 360 degree turn
And moves in a circle.

In a circle it moves
And as a fifth grader will tell you
Lines never end
Never ending lines, a circle it constitues.

[change of music]

Yeh Hai Youngistan Merji Jaan.
Wow? How? Chow Chow?
Is a Chinese breed of dog
With a tongue blue black,
A tongue which no purpose serves.
A tongue which describes the dog
And in description kills the cur.

How can tongues ever work?
Hands work and minds work.
Tongues are aplenty in the code, and hoards
Of teeth also; sucking blood from good,
And life from justice, a justice they do besmirch.
Tongues are aplenty in the code
It is the hands which shirk and the minds which shirk.

                                                                                                                   Legal Poet

Here is the big news: Kian Ganz, the editor of LegallyIndia.com has bought for himself a shiny new bicycle. I asked him why and he didn’t reply. So I had to guess. Here are a few options. All lame options. Please choose the lamest option and post your answer as a comment. I will be grateful.

a.)    Kian is a big fan of Rabindranath Tagore. Where ever Kian goes he wants to go with a ‘head held high’. Sadly, he has had to travel a lot in Taxis which have resulted in the back bending disease called Cervical Spondylosis^. Why? Because at 6 feet, 8 inches# Kian is too tall to sit in a Taxi. He has to stoop. So he thought it better to buy a bicycle and roam around with a head held high.

b.)    LegallyIndia is hugely popular. Everybody reads LegallyIndia.com. But LegallyIndia is making very less money and Kian is now poor. To overcome the stress he bought ‘The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari’. Taking inspiration Kian too sold his Ferrari and bought a bicycle. Poor Kian.

c.)     Kian plans to grow strong leg muscles. He wants to kick the spammers and the ugly comment makers of LegallyIndia hard. Really hard.

d.)    It’s not about the bike. Kian’s journey back to life. After coming in touch with various mystical occult practices in India, alternative religions and psycho texts, Kian was forced to introspect and decide what his true calling was. “Cycling”, said the inner voice.

e.)    Kian plans to run for the most successful green Start-up of the Year. Now actually LegallyIndia causes a lot of pollution. It is estimated that insanely excited, baffled and worried readers of the nasty, lame comments and blogs at LegallyIndia emit, while exhalation, poisonous gases in great amounts of great toxicity**.

Now, LegallyIndia is a very successful start-up (though it is not making money, or at least, Kian does not want anybody to know about the money making bit). But how does it prove it is ‘Green’ when it is actually polluting. And Lo! Kian had an idea. He will cycle. Cycling is green. Even LegallyChina will be so very green. Other colours (red?) will fall flat on their face.

f.)     Kian has been reading too much on the Rin v. Tide, competitive advertising related legal controversy. He decided to use both the products for himself. He didn’t like any. He tried ‘Wheel’ and found it perfect. Now he is the brand ambassador for ‘Wheel’. Cycling is one of the ways his company had asked him to promote the product.

g.)    Kian plans to launch LegallyChina.com. Now Kian is legendary for immersing himself in the culture of whichever country he goes to. Just after weeks of landing on Indian shores, he learnt many Indian words. Shaadi was one of them. Speedy Shaadi was the title of one of his newsletter. If rumours are to be believed* he plans to marry an Indian lady. Sorry for the digression.

So yes! He immerses himself in the culture. Now everybody in China cycles to work. So Kian, keeping in view of his further business plans bought a shiny new bicycle to plan for the China detour and immerse himself in the ‘Chinese way’ to move about streets.

Another thing: If you see Kian on a bicycle in Mumbai with earphones on, be brave. Snatch those earphones and listen to what he is listening too. Ten times out of nine it will be ‘Beginners lessons on Chinese’ from ChinesePod.com (btw, this is a useful website).

^ If any rich orthopaedic is reading this and would like to loosen his purse strings please contact blogging[at]legallyindia.com. I have heard too fat a purse can lead to back pain? Is it true?

*Please don’t believe rumours. The belief is false too.

**Are you too stressed? Get yourself a toxicity test.

#I have used the poetic device of exaggeration. But still, Kian should be around 6 feet 2 inches.

PS- please do post in your answers.

a.)    Tagore- head held high

b.)    Kian is now poor- he sold his Ferrari and bought a bicycle

c.)     Strong leg muscles to kick the spammers hard

d.)    It’s not about the bike: journey back to life

e.)    Most successful ‘green’ start-up

f.)     Rin v. Tide. Oops! Wheel

g.)    LegallyChina.com

PS- if you felt that the post was lame; yes, it was meant to be that way. Thank you!

[WARNING: This is a longish, dull-ish entry because the weekend has started and I have not many more interesting things to do.]

[There you go again, reading this blog entry in the hope of somehow getting through the next five minutes.]

It’s been a difficult week for the UK, what with a change in government and all that. I can hardly keep myself from smirking. Karma has hit them hard and ironically reverse-inheritance has left them holding a coalition baby.

Personally, too, today has been difficult for me. While being a lawyer at Colby, Hewitt and Richards LLP is great and occasionally challenging, the recession has sprung its own surprise on me today.

You see, for the first time in my career, I haven’t done a single hour’s worth of billable work today. 

[Pause for last statement to sink in.]

Having been overworked even at the height of the recession, I initially find this sudden lack of work slightly disturbing since my bonus is dependent on me not only meeting, but exceeding, the target hours. It then occurs to me that this rare opportunity may be worth exploring. Never one to question the prevailing state of affairs, I stride fearlessly into unfamiliar territory.

So first I decide to catch up on my social networking. I install half a dozen pointless applications, take a few ridiculous quizzes, write gibberish on my friends’ walls and check out photos of the hot girls they are friends with. While online stalking is a fun activity, it loses its charm after a couple of hours or so when you realise your friends are really happy with their lives. Also, you realise that you have several “friends” on Facebook to whom you have never spoken in person. They write funny things all day but most of them are real-life dweebs who couldn't spot a joke if it hit them in the face. Unfortunately, there’s no need to think on your feet when you’re exercising your wit sitting behind a computer.

My next stop is Cricinfo. After going through a wide array of statistics, articles and M.S. Dhoni’s insightful comments on India’s secretly excellent performance at the World Cup, I think there is a definite case to be made in favour of the ICC abandoning international cricket and recognising the IPL as cricket's highest and truest form. The IPL has it all- money, sleazy politics, glitz and an all-conquering Indian champion at the end. Also, I foresee the ICC World Cup being scrapped/boycotted since India isn't winning it anymore. [And its just plain rude, you know, letting the South African Second XI waltz all the way into the final. How they gloat...Bah!]

I smoke a couple of cigarettes with Rob. Its lunch time. I email my co-workers James and Alex and we head out for a leisurely Friday lunch since they too are afflicted by this sudden mysterious downturn illness. We decide on Mexican and a few unpronounceables later my gastric needs are satisfied. I am reluctant to go back to my desk, so I linger over another cigarette and sip on a Coke while I listen (and contribute, whenever possible) to the latest office gossip.

We finally go back up to the office. I check my email. Nothing. I decide to plan my next holiday. So I spend the next hour looking up exotic holiday destinations (eg. Ibiza, Guatemala). I check my bank balance. Negligible. Looks like Ibiza is going to have to wait. [I wonder where the money goes? Note to self: keep detailed accounts and quit buying bogus golf sets on the internet.] 

This is when waves of sleep begin to hit me. It’s a Friday afternoon. I must wake up. So, I go back downstairs and spend five pounds on two lattes at the Starbucks below the office. I sit there for three-quarters of an hour, flipping through the latest edition of The Lawyer. Pretty powerful stuff that. I would definitely recommend it- plenty of gossip with a sprinkling of important legal happenings too.

Its five o’clock now. I’m particularly bored so I take a stroll around the office. Everyone is busy looking busy. The drinks trolley is due in another half an hour, so I play a game of poker on my BlackBerry to pass time. I give an over-enthusiastic trainee two hundred pages of proofreading to do over the weekend. The deal isn't going to go through but she doesn't know that, does she? Also, I just felt like making someone miserable.

Its five-thirty now. Also, there is no sign of the drinks trolley. An email from Jack Richards pops up on my screen. In my experience, this is usually about the time a deal comes in. My heart beats wildly while I open it. However, this one just explains that the weekly drinks trolley is now going to be a semi-annual affair. Austerity measures he says- the argument being that if Greece can do it, why not Colby, Hewitt and Richards?

I give up. I have to get out or I will be robbed of my sanity.

I make it out of the doors, intact. The weekend is here. Bliss….until 9 a.m. Monday.

Over and Out.

[I’ve just returned from a screening of Badmaash Company at Shaftesbury Avenue and am in particularly good spirits.]

[I have lost my firm £2800 today.]

[Statistics reliably inform me that I have received 65,976,830,331 hits on my blog to date. Okay, I’m lying. Really makes me wonder though how much work you guys actually do in office.]

Note: Please read carefully.

Hi Sir. This is my CV. Will you take me in? 

Hi Sir,

This is my CV.

Will you take me

in?

No reply.

He doesn’t care.

You don’t dare

to talk it

out.

Hi Sir,

This is my CV.

Will you take me

in?

A reply:

Says no.

We won’t.

Try another pose.

Hi Sir,

This is my CV.

Will you take me

in?

A reply:

I am at work. My work

your email hurts.

Now don’t disturb.

Messages so bitter

Come to your CV!

Maybe you lucky,

Forgot the cover litter?

Hi Sir,

This is my CV,

this my CL.

This application is real.

Please take me in (fear).

Sorry.

Vacancies are full

dear.

Try again

with a fresh CV and CL.

Clear?

Hi Sir,

This is my CV,

this my CL.

This is my application.

Please take me in (fear).

You aren’t good (now wail)

Mister.

Thank you for email.

(Don’t bicker).

[CVs and CLs

they don’t appreciate.

What do they like?

Why do they hate

CVs and CLs

so carefully made?]

Hi Sir.

This is me.

ABB.

I know ABC.

And do CDE.

Will you take me?

Sure come.

We like you.

Work with us.

You’ll have fun.

Your cover letters, CVs and your applications are talking to a human being. You aren’t emailing a machine. A human is reading your application. His blood flow, heartbeat, emotions, hormonal surges and glandular secretions are being affected by your words.

These all will decide whether he rejects your application or accepts it. Make sure you take care of his internal systems through your words. He’ll take care of your application.

PS- If this is utopian; believe in utopia.

THE FIFTH YEARS ARE LEAVING


The fifth years are leaving:

The mooters are leaving, the debaters are leaving,

Their trophies, proudly in the library sit,

Smiling at the newer faces.

The researchers are leaving, the writers are leaving.

Their books and papers in the glass cupboard

Tell us of the words they wrote...

Their words tell us of the lives they lived.

The cricketers are leaving, the footballers are leaving.

That hundred is remembered, that goal is remembered.

That ovation is remembered...

An ovation they will always receive.

An LPO owner will get cracking at his work,

Associates at Amarchand will descend to various cities,

Clerks in the Supreme Court will all start anew...

They all did their jobs brilliantly.

Boyfriends are leaving, girlfriends are leaving.

Some together (would-be husband and wives),

Some broken! Ah! An exile...

Their kisses are leaving; the affection still has after effects.

Trying to capture five years

In a measly, mawkish, FB statuses...

Boys are crying, coz they are leaving

Five years of memories, in a building, six storied.

A flight is cancelled,

“I’ll go a day later”

Girls are leaving; days are fleeting...

Fifth years are leaving.

 

                                                                           -Legal Poet

Sati as a practice was not invented by Ancient Indian texts but by the greed of people. Most of the contemporary historians believe that the practice of Sati was encouraged to deprive the widows from the property of their deceased husbands. Family members (usually the surviving brothers of the deceased) cloaked their desires under the shadow of religion. Hinduism was used as a weapon to rightly ask for the lives of innocent widowed women. The women under societal pressure were made to self immolate themselves. This served twin purposes; the family was no longer entitled to maintain the widow and her sacrifice ensured that the share of her deceased husband would revert to the surviving members.

It is a privilege to state; the evil practice of Sati is no longer practiced in India. But at the same time it is a shame to admit that the condition of Hindu widows has turned worse with time. Even today most of the widows in the country are abounded from their houses. They have no place to go. They are unable to maintain themselves and thus are forced to take refuge under the Vidhwa ashrams.

Most of the ashrams in the country are situated in the holy cities of Vindravan and Mathura. It is estimated that Vrindavan has more than 4,000 temples and ashrams with about 2,957 widows living in them. The widows seek shelter in the ashrams for various reasons most of them being abounded or sexually abused by their family members believe that holy places like these would help them to attain salvation and would bring them nearer to god. Many regard Vrindavan as the only place where they can live and die peacefully with the protection of all mighty.

Unfortunately these ashrams do not have much to offer. Majority of the widows are seen begging on the streets or soliciting for earning their livelihood. Ashrams encourage practices of prostitution and sexual abuse to gauge funds and finance.  The young widows are often supplied to rich customers by the ashram itself in lieu of a heavy sum. The ashrams are scattered with diseases like tuberculosis, STD’s and dysentery. There is inadequate number of toilets in most of the places. There is lack of proper sewage system and non-availability of running water in these places. The widows are forced to live in an unhygienic and unhealthy environment. They are unaware of the widow pension and health schemes and hardly take benefit of it.

Recently issued report by National Commission for Women states that 80% of them are illiterate whereas 60% of them are above 60 years of age. Most of these old widows (even those who are unable to walk properly) have to climb stairs to reach their rooms. Some of them are too old to even cook for themselves. They are forced to sleep on pieces of jute sacks. They are neither supplied with blankets nor hot water in winters. Moreover there is no institutional support for cremation of the dead bodies. The necessities in today’s life are a luxury for these unfortunate ones.

The PIL filed by advocate Mr. Ravindra Bana in the Supreme Court in November 2008 had brought the grievances of this marginalized section in limelight. Supreme Court had issued directions to NCW for conducting a survey in this regard. After much delay NCW has finally released its report on the plight of these widows. It is disheartening that in spite of various initiatives by the government hardly any benefit is availed by these women. The report said “As per records of the district welfare office, 2,819 women received old age pension and 892 widow pensions. However, among the 225 randomly interviewed women 68 per cent were found without pensions and 58 per cent without ration cards.”

The Sevadasi system (service done to the rich and powerful pilgrims are seen as a form of piety) prevalent in these institutions, further encourage practices of trafficking and prostitution. Under this system, the widows are supposed to offer every service to please the owners of Dharamshalas and Bhajan Ashrams in which sex is also included. The Bhajan ashrams offer these widows to earn Rs 3 to 4 a day and some meagre ration, if they assemble in the bhajan ashrams to sing bhajans (devotional songs) in mornings and evenings. The food, shelter and clothing of these destitute women depend on the mercy of these ashrams and some courteous travellers.

Most of the widows who reach these Bhajan ashrams belong to West Bengal and Bangladesh.  The government of U.P. and W.B. have failed to take any collaborative steps to improve the situation of these widows. The widow pension granted by U.P. government is Rs.1, 800 a year, or Rs.150 a month. Although on records it seems that this meagre amount is serving its purpose, in reality it is not. The shelter homes built by the government have only provided limited relief to them. The government has turned a blind eye towards the illegal practices observed in these ashrams.

Deepa Mehta who directed ‘Water’, the film which through a fictional story depicted the miseries of the widows living in these ashrams had to face opposition from all sections of the society. The close nexus between politics and religious bigots has always proved dreadful. If the government actively opposes the practices in Vrindavan, it would face opposition from both public and religious leaders. Most of the widows being uneducated become vulnerable. The victims are scared to raise their voices against the Dharamshalas and Bhajan Ashrams as they know they have no other place to go.

It is very important that the widows are made aware of their legal and constitutional rights. The pensions must be increased and should duly reach the beneficiaries. Some part of the tourism revenue earned from Mathura and Vrindavan must be utilized for the upliftment of these widows. The welfare legislations like Hindu Succession (Amendment 2005) Act and Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Act, 2007 have definitely ensured that widows are not deprived of their husband’s property.

But unfortunately these widows are found unaffected by the legal developments around the country. They must be provided with vocational training. Psychological and medical help must be made available to them. Medical facilities and hygienic conditions must be ensured in these ashrams. The number of government shelter homes must be increased. Above all citizens must be made aware of the injustices done to this vulnerable section. A public pressure can indeed bring considerable changes in these places. I seriously think by selling the bodies of these pious women, the ashrams are killing their souls and somewhere I hold everyone of us responsible for this injustice.

The post is a dupication of authors post on her blog which can be viewed on http://www.legaldrift.com/selling-their-bodies-killing-their-souls-plight-of-widows-in-vrindavan-and-mathura/