@Kian @R Please approve this thread. It may be useful/fun. Also, I'm open to all questioning. Even an offensive line. So if it's approved, gentle request for moderating questions with a light touch.
My friends from college had suspected it for a while. Turns out my Mom was pretty oblivious but my Grandma had a hunch all along! In short it was quite supportive. One or two friends stopped talking to me. But meh. Such is life.
Cause I figured given some of the comments on past threads, LI readers would really want to know. It's fun for me cause I like to communicate. I know some fellow queer folk don't like to explain their situation etc. But I like to communicate in a free and frank manner. I don't know how to explain this. But I'd rather someone be an open bigot than one in hiding. You know where you stand with bigots who are open about their bigotry. Hidden bigotry, that's a worse creature.
Thank you. Few more questions - What are your professional aspirations? What are your views on the designation of Menaka Guruswamy as a senior advocate?
Wikipedia has a good and useful definition: "Queer is an umbrella term for people who are not heterosexual or are not cisgender. Originally meaning "strange" or "peculiar""
Don't want the wikipedia one bhai woh hum bhi dhoond lenge š¶ kind of beats the purpose of your AMA. Explain it to me like the dumbfuck I am pls. In simple words.
Do people in your workplace know that you're queer? If yes, did that change their reactions towards you? And are you treated differently than other associates?
I'm just curious to know how coming out to workplace colleagues works, and if it should even be done. I've heard too many horror stories about people being treated badly once they come out. So do you think it should be kept a secret, or revealed (if ever asked about it, or if it ever comes up in conversation)?
All of them know I'm Queer. Do all of them acknowledge it? No. You're treated about the same. Except the older bosses will stop asking you about marriage plans after a whole (this is a relief). Coming out to my colleagues was straightforward for me. They sent a list of all staff with mobile numbers and gender pronouns affixed. I wrote back "gently requesting" that my pronoun be changed to Mx. The admin did the googling and soon everyone was aware of the situation.
Work is largely Don't ask Don't tell as far as private matters are concerned. I always have felt sexuality is on a need to know basis and no one at work really needs to know. But yes with pronouns, I'm quite open and don't like it when I'm called Mr/Ms.
:`( How do you make friends at work without being open about your sexuality? Breaks my heart to think how we must live half lives in order to survive at work.
Can you help me with something please? I am straight and a law student. A few days ago, I went to a party. I was speaking with a guy who is very intelligent, nice to talk to etc. After the party, he sent me a message asking me if I would be interested in a ādateā. It turns out that he was gay. I declined politely.
My question is as follows:
Is it common for gay guys to mistake straight guys for being gay and ask them out on a date? The thing is, although I am straight, I am not into ābroā things like gymming, binge drinking, āratingā girls in my college, talking about ābangingā girls in my college etc. All the guys in my law school seem to behave like that. Iām just wondering if I will be perceived as āgayā if I donāt do these ābroā things and instead talk about books, music and other nerdy things. Because that will affect my chances of getting dates with girls. Already I have been teased by someone in the batch that I am āgayā because I donāt do things like rating girls and watching porn with them. I would rather read a book, learn how to play the guitar etc.
A guy saw you, probably thought you were interesting and asked you out. Don't overanalyze it. Gaydar is overrated. It is hard for us queer people to identify someone's sexual orientation because no one walks with a signboard on their heads or rainbow flags draped around them 24Ć7. Whether you are gay/bi or not is something only you can answer. There is no such thing as coming off as gay to a third person (unless you have shown any interest in men from your side) and if people think that, it is probably from a lack of education about these things. Being homosexual is a sexual orientation, it doesn't suddenly change a conventionally manly man into a less "bro" man or a less conventionally manly man into something else. I have many gay male friends who are more "bro" than all the straight men in my life and many straight male friends who are not into your typical dude-bro lifestyles. There is no one type of gay man, so such assumptions are ridiculous. Also, just because you're not interested in women does not mean you're gay. You could be aromantic/asexual or both. Or you could be straight but demisexual. You are gay only if you are sexually interested in men and not in women at all. An absence of interest in women does not equate to being gay. If people are assuming your sexual orientation, it's just based on backward thinking based on stereotypes. You should tell them you are uncomfortable with it. That said, on your end, I think you need to be a little more secure in your masculinity. Your comment reeks of self doubt and of insecurity in how you are coming off to others. Don't let this get to you.
Son, you are a student and yet to figure out your sexuality. It will all make sense once you graduate.
Since you are not into "broā things like āratingā girls, ābangingā girls, can you let me know if you have (even accidentally) thought about āratingā boys, ābangingā boys etc?
This is a very good question actually and I am happy to answer this. So you won't be able to get the same rights married people do. But that does not mean you don't have options. Here are the instruments you need to execute to practically have similar rights.
1. Mutual Medical Powers of Attorney: This is so the other can take decisions on your behalf. If there are mental health issues at play, consider advance directives under the Mental health act.
2. Wills: Execute wills for the benefit of the other. This will help with succession planning.
3. Guardianship Papers: While only one of you can adopt, you can in your will name the other as the guardian and also execute papers naming the other as a guardian to act in your absence. This gives you a semblance of co-parenting rights.
4. Joint Bank Accounts: You can open a joint bank account. Make the other the nominee on all bank accounts including demat accounts etc.
5. Names: You can by paper publication choose to take what name you like. Nothing stops you from taking the name of the other.
6. Health Insurance: This is where it gets complicated. You won't find a policy that works. So take two policies and if there is a kid cover the child under the policy of the birth mother/father/adoptive parent.
Practically none. A friend of mine drew this list up for me when I asked them. They called it a "Civil Marital Contract" and said it would be possible to execute all of this in one document and make a whole ceremony out of it!
I don't know if this is the right forum for this, but inspired by this thread decided to post anyway. I am an asexual man in my 30s at a tier 1. I am not very open about it, neither do I intend to. I am tired of answering questions about my lack of relationship and non marriage. Is there any support group for asexual people in India that anyone may be aware of?
And to whoever started this group and to everyone sharing, all the power to you!
No. I do not think it is a mental disease. I do think it is something that emerges from how neurons are wired. A disease implies that it's a problem. Biologically speaking it is not. It is a facet of nature and is prevalent across a spectrum of species.
Why did you choose to become such a person and choose this kind of life? couldn't you have stuck to your societal ethos? why would a person choose blatant discrimination and abuse over some sexual grievances
@Kian @R Please approve this thread. It may be useful/fun. Also, I'm open to all questioning. Even an offensive line. So if it's approved, gentle request for moderating questions with a light touch.
- R
I'm just curious to know how coming out to workplace colleagues works, and if it should even be done. I've heard too many horror stories about people being treated badly once they come out. So do you think it should be kept a secret, or revealed (if ever asked about it, or if it ever comes up in conversation)?
Work is largely Don't ask Don't tell as far as private matters are concerned. I always have felt sexuality is on a need to know basis and no one at work really needs to know. But yes with pronouns, I'm quite open and don't like it when I'm called Mr/Ms.
I'm actually lucky to work here I guess.
My question is as follows:
Is it common for gay guys to mistake straight guys for being gay and ask them out on a date? The thing is, although I am straight, I am not into ābroā things like gymming, binge drinking, āratingā girls in my college, talking about ābangingā girls in my college etc. All the guys in my law school seem to behave like that. Iām just wondering if I will be perceived as āgayā if I donāt do these ābroā things and instead talk about books, music and other nerdy things. Because that will affect my chances of getting dates with girls. Already I have been teased by someone in the batch that I am āgayā because I donāt do things like rating girls and watching porn with them. I would rather read a book, learn how to play the guitar etc.
Also, just because you're not interested in women does not mean you're gay. You could be aromantic/asexual or both. Or you could be straight but demisexual. You are gay only if you are sexually interested in men and not in women at all. An absence of interest in women does not equate to being gay. If people are assuming your sexual orientation, it's just based on backward thinking based on stereotypes. You should tell them you are uncomfortable with it.
That said, on your end, I think you need to be a little more secure in your masculinity. Your comment reeks of self doubt and of insecurity in how you are coming off to others. Don't let this get to you.
Since you are not into "broā things like āratingā girls, ābangingā girls, can you let me know if you have (even accidentally) thought about āratingā boys, ābangingā boys etc?
How did it feel when your phone made the truk sound out loud? :D
Iām a lesbian & Me and my partner are living together in India. We want to get legal rights in India as a couple. Is there any way around it?
1. Mutual Medical Powers of Attorney: This is so the other can take decisions on your behalf. If there are mental health issues at play, consider advance directives under the Mental health act.
2. Wills: Execute wills for the benefit of the other. This will help with succession planning.
3. Guardianship Papers: While only one of you can adopt, you can in your will name the other as the guardian and also execute papers naming the other as a guardian to act in your absence. This gives you a semblance of co-parenting rights.
4. Joint Bank Accounts: You can open a joint bank account. Make the other the nominee on all bank accounts including demat accounts etc.
5. Names: You can by paper publication choose to take what name you like. Nothing stops you from taking the name of the other.
6. Health Insurance: This is where it gets complicated. You won't find a policy that works. So take two policies and if there is a kid cover the child under the policy of the birth mother/father/adoptive parent.
Once you have done those, other than health insurance, what additiona benefits would civil partnership / marriage have in India?
And to whoever started this group and to everyone sharing, all the power to you!
enjoy health work and interests and if good relationships come by great
like we dont wait for a breeze to start walking