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Hello all,

I'm an T1 A3. I am married with one kid & about to enter my 30s. Lately, I have lost interest in everything. At home, I am non-existent. Because of my absence we haven't been able to try for a second child. Back when we married, I used to be fit, however, now my weight has almost doubled. I am pre-diabetic and I have BP issues too. I am clueless. I worked my arse off to reach where I am. What are the available alternatives.

Also, I am reasonably well off on the financial front. Presently, I sleep for less than 5hrs/day. I've not worked out for the last 15days.
Quote:
I've not worked out for the last 15days.
Bro I havent worked out ever. Makes me feel really bad about myself.
Makes me wonder, if it is even feasible to marry with a tier 1 corp job.
You can, just make sure your wife and you have had a very very real talk.
I'm okay with that.

Who has the time to think about all that.

As long as there is no bickering, food's on the table when I get back; and mine and her parents just STFU, I'm okay with her even being a professional brothel employee.
> As long as there is no bickering, food's on the table when I get back; and mine and her parents just STFU

Sirjee you're better off hiring a maid
But then my parents won't STFU about getting married and "settling down"
And that she also belongs to the same profession otherwise things are not gonna end well
Sir, since you are pre-diabetic, I hope you start exercising. You could start with a walk. I have nothing else to say, hope someone gives better advice.
My initial reaction as well.

Entering 30s (so is about 29 years old), already married, and already have a kid?
WTF is wrong with you (you here refers to the OP).
And you want to try for a second child? Bhai, rural Bihar/rural UP/rural Rajasthan se ho kya?

I'm a 2014 grad, I'm 31 and a half, and no intention to marry till 34 years atleast.
Don’t know about others, but I’ve downvoted this because the OP’s life choices aren’t for you to decide.
You are having 2nd child in your 20s? Bahut peeche reh gaya re mai.
Crisis toh hoga hi. Tune kuch planning jo nahi kiya, neither your health nor your family.
Mukul goyal planning with all the interns, while you just planning with your right hand
Why is it that everyone always assumes that OP is a guy? Referring to all the comments here. Similarly on the LGBTQ+ post as well, everyone just assumed it was a guy! Just curious!
Because only men call it "we married" and not "I married".
Because only men suffer from BP, Diabetes, weight gain and still think they might as well try for second kid.
Women are smarter to not be in this kinda situation and know their bodies and priorities better.
I think your body has clearly indicated that it needs priority. Considering you have a dependent kid, all the more a reason to look after your physical and mental health. What alternatives can you explore to give you more time to work on your health? Any chance you could speak to your partner to see if they can give flexi hours considering your health issues (trained associates are not easy to let go of) or alternatively, would there be some in-house opportunities you could explore? Maybe zoom out and weigh your options and where you would want to see yourself overall (personally and professionally) in your mid to late 30s. Good luck.
Take a vacation. Buy a fancy car. Your crisis will be over. Save the crisis for when you hit your 40's. Then buy a sportscar and a villa!

Life is full of challenges.
Looking at comments here, I think most people in our legal fraternity (and maybe outside also) think that marrying at the age of 27-28 is too early. How is that too early? When did we come to this?

If anything, it just goes on to show how demanding legal profession is (both in terms of money and time) and it needs fixing. Or maybe there is other reason (people want more independence, including financial independence etc).
Ideal age for marriage -

Age for men - 29 to 36.

Age for women - 25 to 29.

Before going to hit that dislike button or calling this sexist; both men and women have a Biological clock.
No child deserves a Grandpa as parent - they deserve active young parents.

Men have a Biological clock. But it's not like an atom bomb - like women have.

Unless a guy gets a vasectomy or has servere other issues it's 90% possible to make a baby till age of late 50s.

But for women - any pregnancy after 30s is dangerous both for mother and baby. It's hard to make babies after 40.

Thats why the age gap. This is why even in Western Countries - women are encouraged to make babies earlier than men - it's all about biology (...)
have a chat with your spouse and figure out an alternate suitable career
Take some time to take care of yourself. A six month sabbatical maybe, since finances are in a healthy position.

Use that time to get an exercise and diet plan together. Make memories with your child. Connect with your spouse.

Work can wait. You have your whole life ahead of you. But to put in the hard yards that may be to come, it's important that life itself feels whole.
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BIG EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TIP*

If you don't listen you will suffer.

Save your marriage instead of making the next baby - Law Firm life can make you a divorced dad with 2 kids; You may think everything is chill between you and your wife - but that's a stupid feeling many have.

Women will not communicate until the relationship is on the edge of collapse - they are tolerant and will continue to tolerate till the breaking point; one day after she suffers for a decade because of the absentee/uncaring partner (You!) They will erupt like a volcano - after all her sufferings. Husbands are surprised by divorce requests.

If you don't spend enough time on your marriage - it will rot faster than a dead corpse, so take care of that; do everything you can to make it stable - improve communication, do something lovely, help her. Take care of your health.

Then plan about the next kid.
That's some bullshit. Men are surprised by divorce requests because men are bad at communicating, not women.
Sir, You are a piece of s*** and an a****. It seems you are one among the woke gang.
I don’t get this thread. Someone is posing a question about career, family and health issues and most of us are questioning their age and timing and being judgmental all around. There are threads for jokes but somehow post-pandemic, I thought we would have all grown up and realised that health is no joking matter. All around, if you do not have something that helps as a response, please refrain from responding.

@ OP - I think you already, at some level, must be aware of the fact that your body is raising some red flags regarding your lifestyle. You need to see how you can focus better on your health and family - within your present job or alternatively, outside, if need be. Also, many studies show that less sleep may cause many health issues including weight gain, so please also evaluate why you have been sleeping less hours and how you can manage your schedule to get better sleep.
Was looking for a comment like yours. Disheartening to see the sorry state of affairs in the section.
To the OP: My dear friend, relax there is nothing wrong with you. The first few years with a child are always demanding. It is normal to feel a loss of interest in everything. Balancing work and family commitments has never been easy in any profession and the law, with the late nights and tough timelines, can only make things worse.

Expectations on fathers and mothers are continuously evolving nowadays and it is normal to feel anxious, overwhelmed, apathy and a lot of seemingly contradictory feelings at the same time. The above feelings tend to remain for a few years until your child becomes fully physically independent (i.e. its meals & goes to the bathroom by himself/herself). After that, these feelings just gets replaced with a new host of challenges. Don't feel disheartened. You will become interested in things again. These years (especially when you are a 'young family) are always the hard ones.

The more positive way of working through a challenge like this is to befriend other families with children of the same age. People who have children will understand your troubles a lot better than people who don't. Also in this day and age, everybody is willing to share an opinion or 'wisdom' but very few are willing to lend a helping hand. But don't despair. It gets a lot better once you change gears socially.

I also sense some reluctance on your part in having a second child (maybe I am wrong). That anxiety does go away the more time you spend with other families and realise that the second kid is a lot less stressful than the first kid.

I would only advise that you please try and work on your health a bit over the next couple of months. Set a target of getting better and controlling behaviours linked to BP and diabetes. It will take a lot of effort but the good thing you have done so far is recognised the problem and you seem to show a willingness to resolve it.

Lastly, if it is possible, try and change jobs and maybe look for something that is not as demanding. Working in a Tier 1 firm is difficult for an Associate with a set of family commitments. Perhaps changing gears would not be a bad thing, for the sake of your child, marriage and your health. All the best.
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