Law student Aarushi Mahajan wrote a powerful piece in NLU Delhi’s Independent Student Newspaper Glasnost about her and other women’s experiences on the campus of one of India’s top national law schools.
LI has reproduced the 5,000 word article with permission from the Glasnost editors. Comments will be strictly moderated.
Updated with note from the author:
The intent of writing this article was to share my and some other women's experiences and thereby get students to introspect. It would be naive to think that these instances of harassment are in anyway limited to the National Law University, Delhi. The point of the article was to highlight that a culture of harassment is all pervasive, cutting across all kinds of student campuses.
Our university has developed a vibrant culture of debate and discussion owing to the several initiatives run by different students and faculty members. This has provided us with the opportunity to develop our own independent thinking which I believe is an essential part of university life. I am thankful to the university administration for generously supporting these initiatives both in terms of financial and infrastructural support. And I hope that other university campuses follow suit.
This was not explicitly stated earlier because the author thought it was obvious from the tone of the article. However, certain comments have made the author realise the need to state this explicitly as viewing it as a particular university's issue is misguided and undermines the larger cause.
When I joined college, I fit perfectly into the stereotype of a girl from GK-2. I had lost 12 kg before coming to college – starved myself, puked constantly, and gone to the gym – was waxed from head to toe and wore branded clothes (from Sarojini). I decided my outfits a day before and scoffed at those who still used their NLUD bags. I barely spoke in public and was slowly given the label of a ‘bimbo’. I can still remember when we were called to the third floor to ‘interact’ with our seniors. They made us sing this cheer:
“Oh my god, I think I need a manicure,
The sun I swear is burning up my gorgeous hair.”
We did it multiple times and the seniors called me in front of the other girls, made me do it alone and asked them to follow me. I was shy at that time and slowly felt my heart sink. I was extremely upset, and even as we were returning to the first floor, I ran back upstairs to tell them that I wasn’t a bimbo. I felt the same when our VC saw me one day and said that I ‘looked like a flower girl’. Two boys from my batch used to curtsy when I crossed them and called me ‘Princess’. I cried multiple times that semester when I realised I wasn’t taken seriously.
In my second year, I had my sexual awakening and was keen on finding a boy to have fun with. I had spread this message through friends and this became a joke of sorts.
I was close friends with a boy from fifth year. We hung out a lot, and what fascinated me was everyone’s expectation that we would date. It struck me that a ‘slutty’ woman could never be expected to have anything but a sexual relationship with a man. (Here, I’d like to add that the feminist politics behind the word ‘slut’ are complex and I do not claim to fully understand their nuances. I am simply using this word here to emphasize on the label I received in college).
I remember how there was the possibility of a certain boy in class liking me, and how his friends arranged for the person sitting next to me in the library to get up and let me sit with this boy. There was another friend in my own batch who had sent me a message saying that “main tujhpe line maroonga, chaud main, and you’ll like it.” Their sense of entitlement hit me then. There were so many expectations that I’d give it a shot.
In my second year I dated a boy in college for two months on a sudden whim. He policed my body, mocked my body hair, my weight (I had started getting fatter then) and did not appreciate rumours regarding my promiscuity.
I had in my second year become more interested in campus politics, with a push from friends and a few seniors. I started talking more and discussing things I had taken for granted and started getting angrier at the apathy I was engulfed in. I started questioning my immense privilege, and realised that I could do so much more in this place. I had an amazing support group and they helped me gradually let go of my superficiality and engage in more meaningful pursuits. I developed the courage to reply on common id email threads and started feeling slightly more comfortable with my body. I make no claims to have been able to fully understand, let alone shed my privileges, and do understand that everyone has lived experiences shaped by unique circumstances. I acknowledge the burden of my privilege, and it is with this cognizance that I write this.
I was dumped in the winter holidays. It was disappointing and terrible. But nothing was worse than when I heard that certain boys valorised him and metaphorically patted him on the back for putting this girl in her place! Once when I was at the Amul shop, I heard two boys from the second year discussing how I had become a used commodity and no boy would want to touch me anymore. He was the stud, and I was the slut.
Third year came. I started gaining a little more confidence and had the courage to walk by myself, sit alone in the library etc. (things I was too conscious to do earlier). I still had not spoken in class yet and sat on the first bench because I was too conscious to give my attendance from the back. I started thinking of how I was reading up on feminism, and I was still so conscious of my body and kept wearing tummy tuckers. I also heard about horrible moral policing from the administration and I decided to protest about the dress code.
It started on an individual level. I started with see-through tops, deep tops, crop tops, tops with holes, skirts, a combination of the two, and then the dresses. Till now, I did not have the guts to wear anything unwaxed.
And what happened was amazing.
The first day, I began with a yellow top. Extremely deep. I could hear whispers as I entered class and people staring, but no one said anything to my face.
Then, I wore a transparent blue top, and that’s when things went downhill. One of my best friends in class sat me down in the canteen and tried to figure out the reason for this behaviour. He explained the boys concerns and their feeling of being uncomfortable. He asked me where the line was: Would I wear a bikini to class next? He told me that it perhaps seemed like I was just challenging people on campus and I wouldn’t wear these clothes outside, or at home in real life. Also, that I should lose weight if I planned on looking hot. This was all said in a ‘joking manner’, but broke my heart because it was so patronising.
One day, I took off my bra in class from inside my shirt while standing in the middle of both rows. I saw glances and giggles, but no one said anything. I do this quite often now, and I hear the occasional ‘Why can’t she put it in her bag?’, ‘Why can’t boys take out their vests?’, and ‘This is too much’. From what I gather, it was mainly boys who felt inconvenienced, uncomfortable or amused.
As I started wearing skirts more frequently, I was told in a joking manner that some boys think I’m doing this on purpose to incite them, so they do something with me, and I file a sexual harassment complaint. The boys conveying this information did not seem to see how problematic this was. I told them this went along the lines of ‘she’s asking for it’, how a girl dresses only for the male gaze, how such arguments are used to justify violence against promiscuous women and how they think that as a member of the Anti Sexual Harassment Committee, I go around hunting boys for harassment cases. This just adds on to the lying woman stereotype as one who hates men and her mission is to put them through misery. One senior actually said that girls like me would go to professional workplaces and if someone so much as looked at us, we would yell harassment. This only trivializes the personal experiences of women who have been harassed and mocks their decisions. It is demeaning and degrading and is blatant disrespect of what women have to endure on a daily basis.
Slowly though, I felt as if people were getting accustomed to my clothing, and I too, began letting my stomach and fat thighs full of undergrowths from waxing show. I could observe other girls experimenting with their clothing across batches. But I could also still hear things like ‘the boys are now okay with it ‘cause you look hot’. One boy discussed with one friend of mine how he loved a tight t-shirt I was wearing, how he wanted it for himself and how he had a new favourite colour. Of course, my dressing was subjected to their approval. There were a good 2-3 weeks when I just could not walk to the back of my class because I hated the way certain boys stared.
There was an incident where Pearlita’s phone buzzed in class. A teacher walked off because she didn’t own up, and the class went crazy. A boy came to the mic and put it beautifully: “You call yourself a feminist, but then don’t own up to things like this”. All the while glancing at me, Pawani and Pearlita. The entire class clapped.
In other incidents, when teachers have sometimes said sexist things, certain boys have said, “Where is your feminism now, why don’t you intervene?”
In another contrasting incident, I was trying to point out to a guy in my class how very few girls continuously ask teachers questions in comparison to guys (this has slowly started changing in my class), and how he was enraged and so angry for me bringing feminism everywhere. When we discussed how intention was irrelevant and it was the woman’s perception and reaction that mattered, he was perplexed and just began wondering out loud how hard it is for men to do things without being accused of harassment and how they would have to check everything they were doing and perhaps it would be safer for them to sit in their hostel. This same boy shouted at me while I was trying to tell him the bigger picture regarding girls’ participation in sports in college, and he conveniently started talking to the girl beside me. I had been dismissed as the angry hysterical woman who made no sense and was no longer worth engaging with.
Basically, men can selectively demand that we show our ‘feminist side’ and fight against injustice everywhere, but, on the other hand, we must be calm and subdue our emotions.
Another incident is that of Maria George’s (first year, second semester). She and another friend often said hi to a boy in our batch, even though they had never spoken to him before in their life. It is possible that he felt mocked, and as though they knew he was shy and were taking his case. The next day, in a five-minute break, about twenty boys stood up, screamed “Maria!!!!!!!” and made faces at her. She stood in front of the class. The entire incident was recorded. She left the class. None of us said anything. She talked to the boy concerned, and he said he hadn’t organised this, but her ‘HIs’ and ‘BYEs’ were insincere. This violent aggressive behaviour reeked of entitlement from the boys as to how dare she do this and she needed to be put in her place. I asked one boy friend of mine about it, he said, “Bahut ho gaya tha, kuch karna padha, apne aap ko kya samajthi hai“. I wonder how they can differentiate these actions from the rage a jilted lover feels as he throws acid on a woman rejecting him or men who hit women for speaking back to them. I still feel disgusted with myself when I realise how I was a passive bystander to her harassment and public humiliation and bullying.
Then, of course, I can’t talk about the last semester without addressing the infamous laser incident. I was semi-nude then, and the light fixated on my huge boobs for 10-15 minutes. We kept dancing. The perpetrator still sits in my class with me, and I’m certain many boys know his identity by now. But that incident has been forgotten, and as the male mediator from my batch had said when we were called back for the fake apology from the boys, “No cross questions, no interrupting, no formal complaint, and no talking about this incident from now.” The boys had said that enough was enough and we had to accept this apology.
Many boys apologised for being duped by the ‘Not All Men’ argument and the ‘your form of protest should have been better’ argument that the perpetrator used beautifully to his advantage. But none of them bothered going back to the hostel to find out the real perpetrator, The apology was made, elections happened, the girls shut up, individual boys said they’re against sexual harassment… why even dwell on it further? Everyone knew that the real perpetrator had not come forward. The boys would not challenge the silence that had fallen and wanted to forget that they were ever accused of something like this.
One boy told me that a particular boy would not have harassed me since he had a girlfriend at the time. Another one told me that they wouldn’t have intended it. And another told me that there was no fair hearing. We tried to address their arguments, but could not shake off the disgusting feeling we had when boys tried to come and individually teach us about our harassment.
Perhaps someday, I will have the guts to confront my perpetrator while his popular friends surround him.
The holidays came. I went to Australia and finally had the guts to wear a bikini in public. I felt so empowered and liberated that I made it my profile picture and Whatsapp dp and felt so happy for loving my fat body. My happiness shriveled up when a male friend of mine told me my class boys had discussed the picture and that it was sent across some random Whatsapp group. I instantly freaked out, I asked for screenshots, but there was no reply and it died down. Some boys denied the existence of such a group and till date I have no idea of what happened.
We came back for the sixth semester. I had realised that the ex-boyfriend kept staring at my body all the time and made me feel highly uncomfortable. I tried to send across messages through people to tell him to quit it. I was later apprised that he constantly referred to me as ‘randi‘ and said other things dehumanizing me and objectifying me to scary levels. Of course, there was immense fat-shaming and this was said in public, in front of people. But it still seemed to continue.
Here, I would like to mention that though I do fall on the fat side, I do have certain privileges and my shaming cannot be compared to other women on campus who may have different kinds, (some worse than mine, some not) of harassment and bullying for their body-size. This post is reflective of my individual lived experience and is not representative of the diverse kinds of body shaming women have faced in life, and on campus.
I was told by a senior that the people in college are people I’d probably work with in the future, how I should be cute but not sexy and how I shouldn’t be a ‘slut’ as it would impact employment prospects. I had also been active on Tinder and was told by many ‘well-wishers’ to not tell people about my sexual activity, because boys won’t like it and no one will want to do anything with you if you’ve slept around.
The ‘Abish Mathew incident’ happened. I wore tiny clothes throughout Kairos and was constantly asked where my bra was. On the first day, I wore a loose top and as we went to dance on stage, I had a boob slip. I didn’t pay much attention to it then, but later heard that people had seen it, talked about it and there was there was a rumour that some boy had been able to take a picture. I still do not know who it was.
On the last day, I had worn a tube dress with no bra. As we came out from the auditorium, everything was extremely heated and everyone was shouting. I was slightly buzzed and also had an adrenaline rush. As I was surrounded by fourth years screaming at me, I felt two boys’ hands touching me from behind and trying to pull my dress down. I shrugged them off, but was too overwhelmed to figure anything out. I did not draw much attention to this because of course, the drunk ‘slut’ would lie. I also recall a few girls discussing how I could claim to ever be sexually harassed, especially since I was wearing that dress. As I fought with them, the ‘well-meaning’ men pulled me aside and asked me to calm down.
Amidst the arguments on Facebook, a batchmate who has on multiple occasions made me feel uncomfortable, put up a spectacular Whatsapp status, saying “Rich fat girls will get what they deserve :)”.
It was his status that really shook me and made me feel incredibly unsafe. I did not want to go for the Advaita event that night, but somehow, my friends and I went. I wore a corset. I heard boys talking about me, my class boys and I had to sit in a corner for a while because I was scared that I would get harassed in the dark, and after that day, of course there would be no sympathizers. It was too risky.
My class boys put up certain statuses during the entire Abish Mathew incident. One posted some video in which a male comedian claimed that rape was funny and worth joking about, and another put one on women driving, and claimed that the joke was about bad driving and not women. The support they received from class boys and actually, boys across all batches frightened me. I was literally surrounded by men who were laughing at these things, which they seemed to disassociate from ‘real life problems’ such as, I don’t know: sexual harassment, rape, domestic violence, dowry deaths, female genital mutilation, acid attacks, chastity locks, child marriage and of course, discrimination by everyone everywhere, accompanied by the continuous feeling of unsafety and vulnerability.
But within the confines of our NLUD campus, these jokes can be made and defended, because as a man once said, sexism in humour can help create social consciousness. I’m sorry, no, not when sexism is glorified through the jokes and not condemned! It is not the depiction of violence or discrimination in art that is problematic, but the light in which it is done. You belittled our experiences. Period. It doesn’t matter why you thought you did it.
A few third year girls called girls from various batches to help portray the various labels they had been assigned by this college. These pictures are an attempt to show how our bodies are continuously policed and pushed into these ‘perfect’ moulds. [see picture above]
Even during the Heckler’s burden debate, I wore a tiny crop top and heard classmates discussing how they’ll give me their clothes if I have nothing to cover myself up with. The day before that I had been pushed by a huge senior boy while entering the academic block. But of course, unless I have an alibi or confront him face to face, what is one expected to do about it.
I was sitting in an INSAAF meeting one night and received a Facebook message from a second year boy. It said:
“Hi
Sexy
mera lund tarap rha ha logi mera lund apni chut or muh me”.
He instantly told me that the account was hacked and 11 days later he sent me a message saying “You are a gorgeously attractive girl and i’m sorry u had to face that and i find you to be really pretty”.
Later this semester, a first year boy randomly liked a picture of me in a bikini. This made me uncomfortable because this picture was something no one had liked yet, it was months old lost in other pictures, it focused on my body parts much more than my profile picture did, I was half naked and he was a man. I had never talked to him before.
I realised that we had such classist notions of sexual harassment. Once an electrician in our hostel had made my Facebook picture as his own profile picture, and I felt uncomfortable when I came to know of this and I complained to the warden. Everyone said it was disgusting and condemned it.
Had I received any of the above mentioned behaviour from one of the multiple men who come in our “Other” inbox on Facebook, people would have found it creepy, and I would be allowed to feel weird. But if something similar came from a fancy South Delhi boy, who would stand by me?! Because of course, only men of a particular class and caste, who are ‘backward’ and ‘uneducated’ are capable of vile acts (I hope the sarcasm is being duly noted). These conceptions are completely devoid of any insight into sexual harassment.
After this, I heard that one boy happened to find my voice cute and liked the way I said a certain phrase in class. I was questioned multiple times when I said I felt uncomfortable, because another guy had said something similar and I was fine then.
I had to justify why I found it creepy and why I was allowed to decide when and whom I felt uncomfortable around. They seemed unconvinced.
Farewell happened. I wore a tiny top. A male graduate of this college (legend in spurt-out-as-much-bullshit-as-you-can-in-7minutes (read: debating) circles and infamous for making people feel uncomfortable) decided to try to take my case about how I’m stupid and act feminist and made a joke on my body. It backfired horribly for him. He somehow apologised, but what ensued was amazing. So much public support for him, condemning me, liking his comments, randomly feeling the need to discuss Abish Mathew and of course, men fighting fervently for the right to write stuff on a post in which I was harassed. I kept screaming at people, telling them to leave me alone and not get sick validation and enjoyment. But it didn’t stop. A boy in class has still liked comments against me, despite my calling him out on it. Of course, what is my harassment and demand to be left alone in front of his freedom of speech and expression.
Two men (both of whom have coincidentally been in the debating circuit at some point of time or the other) made observations on my language, selective screaming at boys who didn’t support me and how I wasn’t angry at those who did, how I was blinded with rage, and how I couldn’t verbally abuse men commenting on a thread in which I was harassed. I was questioned on how I was okay with certain men and how only certain boys were ‘random’. Because, of course, it is my burden to justify why a certain boy makes me feel uncomfortable and of course, they are entitled to a response.
I was told how I have a responsibility to be mature and responsible and how I ‘should abandon anger for cool rationality’. Of course, not one person called out the man on his actions. People intervened by the end, but arguments such as ‘generalisations are distressing’ (the fancier version of Not All Men) were given and engaging on that becomes difficult beyond a point. It also came to my knowledge that certain boys in my own class found this ‘drama’ entertaining and were discussing the same in public. The people who felt entitled to get kicks out of the Facebook post left no stone unturned, and made another cheeky comment on another random post referring to me screaming at people telling them to fuck off and leave me alone. (I call these comments ‘cheeky’ because for the people making them, they were simply about having fun for the two minutes that they get the pleasure out of writing it and it remains on most people’s Facebook news feed. However, it was completely different for me since it was about me and my reactions to my harassment). It seemed as though my rage on being harassed was nothing but fodder for numerous jokes to come.
(If anyone wants to see screenshots of the entire disgusting debacle, please contact me; everyone has deleted comments on the Facebook post)
In my first year, our class was taught rape law by Dr. Mrinal Satish. He mentioned the notion of the ‘perfect victim’, and how the judiciary, administration, police force, teachers, parents and friends have this certain conception in mind and will only consider her version of events when she fits into this stereotype. She must dress modestly, mustn’t have flirted with the man, must be studious, can’t socialise and of course, can’t challenge social norms. She must be passive, calm and could not have done anything that could have provoked or incited the harasser. She can’t drink, smoke, have sex or be stupid.
I do not fit this picture. It is hard to find one that does. The male graduate said that my midriff was already in the picture, he didn’t sexualise it and it was nothing but victim blaming and is something so common in sexual harassment jurisprudence.
Even if you don’t say it out loud, but stand by as someone sexualises a woman and passes derogatory comments about her, you are contributing to perpetuation of rape culture and are adding to the dominant narrative that somehow places more burden on the victim to say why she was harassed, instead of questioning the perpetrator. Many boys have come to me and told me how they don’t appreciate how boys say things and that they are feminists. But very few will go the extra mile and challenge this dominant narrative.
When the boys in the hostel dissect female bodies, rank them, objectify them and discuss them, very few will even object, much less think of ways of stopping it.
Many have told me that my feminism is too ‘radical’, without even engaging with what it really entails, without reading up on it. I was once told putting posters is too radical. Many of us have been told that it is up to us to accommodate other ‘moderate’ forms of feminism and not to be exclusionary. But what must be asked is, how far does your commitment to feminism go? Is it only invoked as a defense mechanism when someone calls you out on something?
Some say that sexism in humour is acceptable; others think it’s okay to question a victim’s form of expressing anguish. I was mocked for using CAPSLOCK, using ‘profanity’ and not sitting my harasser down and engaging. Of course, it was completely ignored that men had jumped on the thread trying to prove a point and give me their point of view (Since it is a public platform and how dare I tell them to leave). I ran out of the class yesterday crying on reading a fifth year boy’s stupid comment, and I didn’t want to sit in a class full of men who were not my allies. It was called an overreaction by many, but it’s funny that if I had not done it, I would have been called a ‘cold hearted woman’ who isn’t affected that much and is only trying to make a point.
All of these incidents have stuck with me because they are symbolic of the overbearing and undeniable male entitlement boys can possess and how they don’t realise or do realise and anyway do things to make women squirm and feel uncomfortable. A friend of mine also told me how two senior boys while discussing her, aggressively stated that one boy had a ‘birth right’ over her. I had put up a new picture in the same pose and similar clothing as the one for which I was harassed. This very same fifth year boy commented on a picture I had put to try and reclaim my body on a public platform and said, “Hit me baby one more time!”. It was obviously to make me uncomfortable and he succeeded. I began crying again, felt guilty about crying and then felt angry for feeling guilty.
I no longer want to dance on a stage in front of an audience full of drunk men, because I know what they’ll say. I once played volleyball with Shweta in front of the girls hostel cause I didn’t have the guts to go to the court. That didn’t stop men from coming and mocking me and I haven’t had it in me to ever play anything ever again. Even during the Abish Mathew incident, the boy who had kept the horrid Whatsapp status sent me a condescending message asking me to play football because the guys wanted me, Pearlita and Pawani to represent the girls. It was obviously mocking us and it furthered my fear of being surrounded in an aggressive game by boys who have fun passing vitriolic comments and seeing me squirm. I don’t like walking alone at night, especially in dully-lit areas, because once a man ran behind me and I was scared that he’d harass me and no one would believe it. I am pretty sure I don’t want to speak up in class.
This college has time and again questioned the victim’s story, her form of protest, her lack of protest, her anger, her silence, her social behaviour or lack thereof, her being ‘prudish’ or her being ‘slutty’. This college has made it incredibly unsafe for a victim to even talk about what her experience was without butting in with their loaded comments.
I was once told that what happened in Jindal could never happen here. But I’m not the only person who has been harassed here. There are many incidents that are so shocking and frightening; incidents that may or may not be even imagined possible. This college is fostering a disgusting, nasty, horrible environment, which silences girls unless they’re the perfect victim. The onus does not lie on the victims to come up and notify us of their harassment, but on us, as students to not do anything that could in some way encourage or protect harassment, even if it means standing up to our friends and definitely, acknowledging that acts done in private are as problematic as those done in public.
There is so much going on in this tiny campus that we don’t even know about. The very people, who would condemn a judiciary or government for being backward for not repealing section 377 or giving shoddy judgements commenting on a woman’s character, are the same people who would probably question a victim’s account for the sake of debates and arguments.
We feel entitled to know what happened, who the victim feels, why she isn’t speaking up, if she did speak up: why did she speak up like that, why did she file a complaint, why did she not, and of course… why hasn’t she let it go? We have no idea of what is going on in anyone’s mind or life, and have no right to go around inquiring or commenting about the same. We as a campus not only have been insensitive and have openly condemned victims; we have created a culture of harassment wherein girls are being shut up and policed.
Perhaps we have created a hierarchy in our mind wherein certain forms of harassment merit a response from the victim and other forms (such as the laser incident) need a toned down response.
There is need for serious introspection to provide a safer campus and face the fact that we are no island of excellence, are no better than the teachers, the government and “the men on the road” we criticise. That perhaps this college is just as scary and terrifying as the road outside.
That we have as a collective, contributed to sustaining an environment encouraging perpetrators and shunning victims of harassment.
Aarushi Mahajan is a third year student of NLU Delhi and a member of the Gender Circle.
The post was first published on NLU Delhi’s Independent Student Newspaper Glasnost.
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And am sure there are as many opinions as people.
But I would just like to applaud the fact that this kid found it in herself to pen this and her voice reached us at least this once, instead of getting stifled.
She is probably 21 - the majority of Indian women her age have children of their own.
You may choose to read condescension and patronisation in my sentences; I just note that the writer is many, many years younger to me.
Would have been so much better had you concentrated on the positives in her writing or my support for her in my comment, instead of trying to fix me. Such a pity you threw a needless punch.
But use of language is political and women are often infantilized, recall the over 30 year old woman in the Gujarat snooping case being repeatedly called a girl on prime times news.
Calling the author a kid in the present context makes me uncomfortable because her whole position is about her right to choose what she is, what she wants to do, wear etc. Calling her a kid diminishes her status as an adult who has made decisions which she takes responsibility for. This is not a young kid figuring herself out and acting irresponsibly, she is claiming "agency" and calling her a kid takes that right away from her.
When something is written and published, it belongs not only to the author but each reader will bring their own experience to it. Several readers of this article probably don't endorse the author's actions and opinions and for them the use of the word "kid" to describe the author would be used to depict her as irresponsible. Hence my comment remains valid.
However, if you disagree with the points made by the author, then express your view politely, rationally and respectfully, and we can probably have ourselves a talk.
Deal? :)
Touche!
What is the Abish Mathew incident that is referred to more than once.
I can also imagine how toxic these closed residential Indian law school environments must be for women students.
Btw there is this hilarious example from NLU Delhi of Indian cultural censorship of anything that references sex see a comment at glasnostnludelhi.wordpress.com/2014/07/19/the-s-word/
I reproduce it below:
"The seminar paper for Law Relating to Sexual Offences for the LLM students contained a hypothetical question based on a real Canadian case, a very recent one. It was about two people in a heterosexual relationship wherein the woman had consented to sex, but the man poked holes in the condom he wore and impregnated her. Obviously, she had not consented to that. The case went up to the Canadian Supreme Court and the man was convicted of rape. I think the question in the paper was whether the situation would fulfill the elements of the offence of rape under the IPC (post the 2013 amendments).
After moderation by the Examination Committee of our hallowed institution, two whole paragraphs were erased from the question, the ones mentioning anal and oral sex or any form of sexual activity apart from penile-vaginal (which were included to to build context). From the ones that weren’t erased, all instances of the words ‘sex’ or ‘sexual intercourse’ etc. were replaced by cohabitation. All instances of the words ‘condom’ or ‘contraception’ etc. were replaced by protection or protective. All instances of the word penile-vaginal were also removed, or I think replaced by procreative. The question then became absolutely senseless, incorrect grammatically and basically incomprehensible. Basically, the gist of the question became whether non-consensual unprotected cohabitation (which is nonexistent because cohabitation just means living together) would fulfill the elements of the offence of the rape.
And we call ourselves a progressive University."
Thank you for your comment
I would just like to clarify that my article is about my harassment, but these are not experiences unique to my campus. My point was that these experiences are shared by women across colleges all across India. This has been seen in the overwhelming support and solidarity I have received on sharing this article.
My faculty has been quite supportive in student endeavours in campus. Our administration has always provided finance, infrastructure and encouragement in student causes. This article was mainly to make all of us introspect on our actions and our behaviour towards fellow students. My campus has provided me with immense experiences to grow as a person and our community has shown a positive change in behaviour across the three years, including faculty and administration.
One point I would like to make about your (as of now unpublished) comment: you say "a guy taking off his underwear would have met with a similar reaction".
I think the point is that he wouldn't have. One of the points the author is trying to make is that women should be allowed to dress how they want without facing sexual harassment for it.
If a boy wants to wear short shorts in college or when going to the shop, no one would bat an eyelid. If a girl wears shorts, suddenly it becomes obscene or an opportunity to comment about her sexually or 'critique' her body.
If a boy wants to lounge around topless, or wear a short-sleeved top, that's cool. If a girl shows some cleavage, it's suddenly slutty?
And, coming back to your example, a boy taking off their underpants in class might conceivably be made fun of, but almost never in a manner that is sexual or predatory in the way it would generally happen to women.
Plus, bras might simply be uncomfortable to wear all day long for some women, and the requirement that you must wear one, is also a dresscode that is imposed generally by men, which not at all dissimilar to the edict that all women must cover up in burqas. If a woman wearing a burqa were criticised for adjusting her burqa in a classroom, what should the correct reaction be, according to you?
If you believe that men and women are and should be, by-and-large, equal to men, that should also apply to the way they dress and how they are sexualised, day-to-day.
It might seem like an unimportant issue to some, but maybe that is because you've never had to think in the morning: "If I wear this piece of pretty ordinary clothing and leave the house, am I going to get sexually harassed for it? (I guess I better wear my burqa today, just to be safe and so I don't get raped)."
The thing is this article is very obviously written with a lot of emotion and the comments seem to be going the same way. While that may appeal to the masses, which is great for your business, from a legal standpoint you need to take a little less emotional and more logical and reasonable approach to first identifying exactly what the problem is (as I said I think its much deeper than just a women's rights issue) and trying to find a reasonable solution that doesnt merely reverse the roles created. If the system itself id wrong, you have to move outside of it to find a solution rather than working within the framework of that flawed system to create another which is probably flawed in the same way except that the people at the bad end are different.
Bring into it the additional element of sexual harassment and gender imbalance, and you don't require an employee-employer relationship to make such comments and behaviour deeply inappropriate and wrong...
As i said, im not justifying the comments at all. I think its wrong too. Its wrong in principle not just because of some power equation, whatever it may be. Point being, not everything that's 'wrong' is or should be punishable. Its an opinion. Disregard it as you please.
I don't think most people are claiming that men making such comments be executed, but if we can agree that their behaviour is 'wrong in principle', then maybe some punishment or reprimand would be justified to change such behaviour.
I feel like the main point I was making was that what might seem like an 'insignificant comment' to you, takes on significance by virtue of the everyday misogyny in society, which includes a sliding scale of things such as 'eve-teasing', sexual harassment, infanticide, domestic violence, rape and a general sense of inequality.
2. "Shouldn't be 'Punishable'". Lets try and different word - 'remediable'? The difference, as I see it is, that the former has connotations of a formal approach, while the latter is more amenable to 'awakening of society' to the fact that there might be something wrong.
I respect the fact that you are trying to make the point as you deem balanced without falling one way or the other. However, I think a lot of your trouble with the 'emotion/passion' is coming from the fact that you wish to look at things in a 'legal' manner.
However, please be mindful of the fact that 'legal' system/rules/principles/'thought-process'/'manner' are part of the Male/'other' power equation.
Further, scorn towards 'emotion/passion' while supporting 'calm reason' is part of the same hegemony.
"I was sitting in an INSAAF meeting one night and received a Facebook message from a second year boy. It said:
“Hi
Sexy
mera lund tarap rha ha logi mera lund apni chut or muh me”. "
Or the fact that an ex-boyfriend went around campus calling her randi?
Or that two boys tried to pull off her dress in public?
Or the laser light incident?
I would love to see the deleted facebook comments to be able to decide whether those were insignificant.
The fact that a female law student faced such uninvited sexual aggression, public shaming, moral policing and harassment over several years in what was essentially her home is definitely not insignificant.
Or lets just dismiss the whole thing as female emotional hysteria as the Guest at 10.1.1 would have us do.
The whole issue of physical molestation or rape is really a failure of our law and order system and to draw a (albeit weak) parallel - a physically inferior guy faces quite a lot of shit from bigger/stronger guys. Or in the case of political goons. Why should anyone fear about saying something against a politician or their policies?
There are VERY FUNDAMENTAL problems with the Indian system and unless people recognize and address it, this is going to be going on well beyond our lives. Of course lot of ppl are uncomfortable doing that because while they might agree on one issue such as women's rights, they'd disagree on the extension of the same logic to say, dissent against 'cultural' or religious practices.
Quote:
"Doesn't concern me, lets not talk abt it" or "That may be, but that's not the point I'm trying to make HERE"?
It's a blog about one student's journey in college and her experience. Her priorities and the issues she faces surely are hers alone. Why must she be expected to have some greater motive or criticised for not solving all the world's problems in her post?
Would you criticise a Dalit author writing about Dalit issues for not dealing adequately with gay rights?
To answer: LI is whatever it is. We publish things that we think are interesting and important for lawyers to know about.
As for starting points to discussion: where would be a better place to start if not here? A thesis about the metaphysics of inequality?
However, even that paper should not preclude others from writing what they feel like writing about... :)
Its amazing to see how defensive men get once we start discussing male sexual aggression, rape or misogyny.
Why the hell should this author write about exploitation of men in other power structures? Why don't you write that piece - Guest at 10.1.2.2?
What kind of criticism is this? So the author cannot talk about sexual aggression against women and policing of women unless she also talks about all the other causes dear to your heart?
All power equations you speak of exist (creating 'x' number of problems). The 'but woman' is an add-on (leading to 'x+1' problems).
God luck with that, look forward to reading your article.
Also, the idea of something called glasnost censoring comments is supremely ironic :-)
I think on this sort of subject, comment moderation policy needs to be stricter and should be left up to the author at the end of the day.
(via xkcd.com/1357/ )
I think there's a difference between my constitutionally guaranteed right to free speech, and what is sought to be protected and preserved by the author, glasnost, and maybe even you, in the name of free speech. The cartoon applies to the former, not the latter
I have no idea whether this comment should be published or not, but Kian, I would like to get your response.
The girl chose the wrong means to the end. When the society is bad, you do not try to change them by giving them an opportunity to wrong again. Imagine provoking jail inmates who have guns to commit murder. When you know that people around you are waiting to harass you, instead of standing against them, a more rational step would be to inform the authorities.
You do not douse fire with fire.
How will a girl react if a guy adjusts his underpants in front of the entire class? How will the boys react? How do we react when the same is done by a 'bhaiya' in the middle of he road? If somebody has a problem with his/her clothes, one needs to go to the washroom and do the needful. Blaming the opposite sex for getting disgusted or making fun of it is not the smartest thing to do. Giving them an opportunity to harass you is also not the right thing to do. People are not living under some clout. The problem is not merely superficial and unfortunately, is embedded deeply.
Such issues need to be tackled and dealt with efficiently. There is no wrong in wearing skirts, shear tops etc. But if you KNOW that you WILL be a target of harassment because of this, smarter thin would be to dress a little conservatively.
But I am really proud of the girl for standing up to all the troubles which she faced. Hopefully, the situation at NLUD will improve. All colleges and schools must work towards gender sensitisation.
Peace!
But to focus on her one act of what perhaps was deliberate provocation as justifying anything is to miss the point of the article.
The article is so bang on on the issue of the male sense of entitlement and male hypocrisy - the male sense of entitlement to hit on women with obscene messages, have sex with them, and then feel entitled to shame those very women for what was a mutual act.
The article challenges deeply ingrained Indian cultural norms. It is a very powerful feminist statement.
I find the following statements extremely powerful.
"This college has time and again questioned the victim’s story, her form of protest, her lack of protest, her anger, her silence, her social behaviour or lack thereof, her being ‘prudish’ or her being ‘slutty’. This college has made it incredibly unsafe for a victim to even talk about what her experience was without butting in with their loaded comments."
and
"We feel entitled to know what happened, who the victim feels, why she isn’t speaking up, if she did speak up: why did she speak up like that, why did she file a complaint, why did she not, and of course… why hasn’t she let it go? We have no idea of what is going on in anyone’s mind or life, and have no right to go around inquiring or commenting about the same. We as a campus not only have been insensitive and have openly condemned victims; we have created a culture of harassment wherein girls are being shut up and policed."
For me what shocks is not how the author or other girls behaved or dressed but how the boys responded, how threatened they felt, how they responded to the girls with blatantly sexual invitations, yet how they also needed to police and to shame the girls, how they ganged up to protect other boys, and how they ganged up to retaliate against girls who were perceived as mildly bullying a boy.
The whole article is about power and about how women get taunted whatever they might or might not do. Be cute but not sexy sums it up - women's sexuality is perceived as threatening.
Slow Clap
You're part of the problem
My first paragraph is neither insensitive nor condemnatory of the author, in fact in her response at glasnostnludelhi.wordpress.com/2015/06/04/confessions-of-a-slut/ the author confirms that my guess about her motivations was correct.
She writes:
"You taking off your underwear and me taking off my bra are completely different. For me, as a woman, it is doing something so against existing social norms, to defy confines I have been brought up in and to liberate myself and find my own way. What may arise is discomfort, but that cannot simply be enough for me to change my behaviour accordingly."
But you obviously have too much time on your hands so you can keep looking for problems everywhere ... happy treasure hunt
"However, I have a sinking feeling that even then my comments might be perceived as "siding with patriarchy.""
and
"Unfortunately, there is no way I may be distinguished in the eyes of the author from the other students who passed lewd comments, if her sentiments expressed in the article are anything to go by! Which is more the pity."
Maybe she would agree with you.
Maybe you misrepresent the author's sentiments.
1. Much appreciation to the author for her piece, this piece brings out some important and raging issues which normally are swept under the carpet. I support her in her cause. The current environment globally is encouraging and such pieces help to bring to light the plight of women through the ages.
2. But, i believe it would be prejudicial to believe that only one side of the narrative as stated above is correct about the environment at such residential colleges. History reminds us that the narrative that wins is the one which is remembered, and all opposing narratives are forgotton. Keeping that in mind, i would love to see counter narratives to be able to make look at the actual and current environment at Nlud. Students at Nlud have informed me that some comments by tbe author are over exagerations (their words not mine which i believe is only because such students are aloof to the actual problems in society), but eitherway this is a debate that has to commence in this environment at Nlud.
3. Furthermore, I have been imformed that glastnost is a politically charged paper being run by a section of students at Nlud who believe in one set of ideology. Although i personally support such ideology, i would like to see more open discussions on nuetral forums to enaure a healthy debate follows to allow change in Nlud and maybe the society at large.
I would like to thank the author again for sharing her experiences.
The commenter here is a Professor in DU on gender studies
Quote:
Once again, thanks for removing the veil from my eyes of thinking law school was a bed of roses and I missed the thorns ._.
Kudos to the author
I was at a residential law school as well but the degree of harassment the author has narrated is shocking... more so because it is written and has a stronger impact?
To me the underlying point of this article is that rape and harassment are not the issues here - but are the consequences of a mindset and cultural attitude that simply does not respect women. When I say this I am also referring to women who just as responsible as men for perpetuating or permitting such mindset or attitudes...
Comments from well-educated polite men in context of women drivers are so commonplace that I wonder how many of us truly reflect on it.. I have also seen other women (accompanying such men) agreeing to such comments!
Another incident in this article that reverberates with me is how men or sometimes other women dismiss certain women because she shouts and rants when she is upset. I am quite certain that a man indulging in the same behaviour is far more acceptable and will certainly not be labelled as "hysterical" and then promptly dismissed on this account...
Change begins at home and I truly hope that the generations to come reflect this change...
Trying to pull off her dress in public would be a criminal offence.
Plus a case could be made for sexual harassment, sexual and other bullying, and intimidation on campus and on the internet.
There would be electronic evidence including whatsapp and facebook comments.
A weaker person than the author and the outcome of such bullying could have been more serious.
So lets not be dismissive of the author's ordeal. She has had the courage to speak up about this so publicly.
Thanks...
I seem so ancient when I read this article. I don't have any suggestions to give, but from my own experience I would definitely recommend that since law school is a microcosm of the bigger world, utilize the learning opportunity. Make mistakes.
My law school days roll by in my memory, and I don't think we boys had the guts to harass any girl in our class in the manner described here.
By the time we hit third year, we were like an extended family: small groups with loose inter connections. There were plenty of affairs, breakups, etc., but I don't recollect any bragging by any male. Rather the matter was usually very discreet. I was a sort of lone ranger, so my connection to people was slightly weak, but I never ever came across any such ragging or disparaging behavior.
In fact our women classmates were so comfortable with us that, they would generally outdrink the men, and we would faithfully carry them back to the women's hostel like we did for the drunk men. I don't recollect ever hearing any instance of mis behavior when our women classmates were drunk and we dropped them off safely at their hostel.
1. I think it's clear from the article that the author is looking for men not to harass her sexually, rather than seeking approval, which seems like a fair request.
2. Is your advice really that if you don't like the way 50% of the population treats you, why don't you avoid that 50%? Let's apply that to another random group of people.
Let's take an example as ridiculous and stereotype-laden as your statement: A strict vegeterian Jain, who whenever he walks through a Christian neighbourhood, gets raw cow beef thrown at him. Your advice would be, if you have issues with Christians, why not simply avoid them, rather than telling the residents to stop throwing beef at the poor guy?
Rather than telling men that harassing behaviour is unacceptable, you are placing the onus on women to just look the other way, dress the way men tell them to, and shut up about it.
You're also assuming that there is a choice that women can make about whom they interact with, particularly in a college environment, which is just ridiculous.
As for ur logic I asked to avoid people who she thinks is bad. But actually she wants them to behave her way which is never going to happen.
To take ur example, If after having told the Christians the sane thing to do, u still keep on walking in their neighborhood to get that beef, whose fault is it anyway?
If u can take legal action against those Christians, please do that. But if u do not have guts to do that, then pls don't spread ur belief system gyan on other people. We already have enough people who do that.
If u want to talk about harassment I can tell u 100 examples how women harass men and keep their privileges but when it comes to them they decode boys actions as harassment.
But as we boys already know its no use trying to put some sense into a feminist. So that is why we just avoid them.
yes we always do have a choice mainly in college environment to choose who we want to interact with. Its much difficult in office compared to college, if i m getting ur drift.
The original behaviour is wrong, unequivocally, and if someone wants to be complain about it, however vocally or loudly, that is always a million times better than the original offence, which remains inexcusable.
And just because someone doesn't file a police complaint against it, does NOT in any way excuse the original behaviour or make it better.
If what you're saying is that the boys won't ever be able to change and they're like that only, that's a terrible situation and we shouldn't have to accept that.
Comments are dynamic and as such moderation is a work in progress that keeps adjusting to realities. However, our moderation choices don't really have anything to do with traffic numbers... :)
2) [...] I am surprised at Kian's immodest attempts to usurp the moral and intellectual high ground. Bra was not a male invention but a female one which women found adopted because they found it convenient. It reduces the physical discomfort of women, especially when they are not so young and has nothing to do with modesty and male gaze. It performs the same role as underwear performs for the male genitalia.
3)[...] She has a perfect right to lead a sexually active life and not be perceived as a "dumb" virgin behenji, but if you have actively sought to cultivate an image of yourself then be prepared to live with its consequences. Life is not an one way street where all traffic moves as per your wishes.
4)Kian, for an city bred like you, women from well regarded and prosperous families in the villages often are without bra and blouse without raising an eyebrow in the household, provided they are covered up. There are cultures where women keep their breasts exposed. When a culture has designated an organ as one of sexual desire, it is covered up so as to prevent unwanted attention. Women are also part of this acculturation process and not victims of it. [...]
5)Students to the various NLU's come from diverse background. Cultural influence is not a one way street unfortunately. Crowds, if provoked, bring out the worst in its members. [...] Crowd loses humanity when it deals with those who are not one of them. Remember the mob which beat up the Africans at Delhi metro a few months back ? [...]
6)While she has been very bold in posting on the net her experience, has she made any complaints? [...]
7)Kian, now I know why you branched into journalism. You must have made a very poor and incompetent lawyer. Her we have someone arguing about the right to take of the bra in the classroom, come in see-throughs and very deep cuts and be embarrassed about a bikini photo getting circulated? Also Kian, since you do not have an eye for men, the shorts worn by the men are considerably longer than those by the women, whose shorts more resemble men's briefs than shorts. What is your complaint ? Women shorts be further cut in size? You got a dirty mind.
8)There is a certain dignity associated with the legal profession. It is the only one which has a dress code. Eyebrows being raised by her clothes are not unwarranted. [...]
9)Some of revelations do make a case for sexual harassment proceedings, but provided the perpetrator is discovered. [...]
2. A bra "performs the same role as underwear performs for the male genitalia"? Female breasts are equivalent to a penis? Wow, you really haven't been paying attention in sex education classes. ;) There is no reason for female breasts to be sexualised or taboo while male breasts aren't. In fact, female breasts actually have a function in child-rearing, which is completely non-sexual.
The fact that they have been sexualised, presumably by men, is a sign of patriarchy, and women wanting to 'reclaim' a bodypart of theirs as something they don't have to be ashamed of, seems very reasonable to me.
3. So basically, either she has a right to be a chaste virgin (and get abused for it), or she can be sexually liberated and will also get abused for it. Life sounds pretty shitty for a woman in your world, unless she behaves exactly as you and other men would deem is the 'correct' level of sexual.
4. The 'culture' hasn't designated 'an organ as one of sexual desire', it is what has until now historically been a male-dominated society that has designated it as sexual. Do you think women make the choice about which part of their body is considered 'sexy'?
5. This comment's implication is rather horrific - you're basically saying that mob psychology excuses a mob to do terrible things and women who behave a certain way only have themselves to blame when exposed to violence? Wow, I don't even know how you became a lawyer...
6. If you read the piece, it's obvious that she did make at least one complaint (probably more). Not that it should matter, it's none of your business whether she's complained or not or what her reaction should be.
7. Have you seen what some men wear as football shorts? Or speedos or chuddis worn at the swimming pool or beach by men? They leave far less to the imagination than the most revealing women's outfits... And the point is, even if a boy were to wear short shorts outside, people might make fun of him or shun him or think he's strange, but they would almost never attack him in a sexually PREDATORY manner.
For women who dress in a too sexual way, it is par for the course for men like you to make them actually fear for their personal safety.
8. Is there a dress code in NLU Delhi? What is it? Did she breach that? Didn't think so.
To answer the bigoted, opinionated, and victim blaming comments here, lets first just dissect the original article and then see how these comments in their defensive frenzy distort facts to gloss over the sexual harassment of the author and blame the author for inviting all this upon herself.
The article says the following (I focus on the parts that are relevant to the sexual harassment issue), please correct me if I am wrong:
The author was ragged and the ragging focussed on her appearance and mocked her and other girls for caring about how they looked.
Early on in her student life at NLU Delhi in her first year the Vice Chancellor called her a flower girl. This was before the author deliberately set out to bend dress codes so perhaps the Vice Chancellor can explain what made him do this.
Two boys from her batch used to curtsy when she crossed them and called her ‘Princess’ also in her first year. In her first year, the author took care with her appearance but did not dress provocatively. She cried multiple times that semester because she realised that she wasn’t taken seriously.
In her second year the author shared with her friends that she wanted a boyfriend and this became a joke amongst her friends. That made the author a target for sexual invitations from fellow students. She received a message from a friend “main tujhpe line maroonga, chaud main, and you’ll like it” which I don’t fully comprehend but which sounds explicit and aggressive to me.
After the author’s brief fling with a fellow student ended in her second year, she heard that “certain boys valorised him and metaphorically patted him on the back for putting this girl in her place!” She also heard two boys from the second year discussing “how she had become a used commodity and no boy would want to touch her anymore. He was the stud, and she was the slut.”
In her third year the author decided to protest about the dress code. She started with see-through tops, deep tops, crop tops, tops with holes, skirts, a combination of the two, and then the dresses. One day she wore a transparent blue top. One day, she took off her bra in class from inside her shirt while standing in the middle of both rows. She author has done this on several subsequent occasions.
Now let us pause for a moment, as far as see-through tops, deep tops, crop tops, tops with holes, skirts, a combination of the two, and dresses are concerned, you’ll see them on many campuses in big cities like Delhi and these would be common place in Delhi University. If any dress code was violated, it was for the faculty or the university administration to speak to the author. This did not happen. Instead the author was subjected to a public campaign of shaming, leering and harassment from other students. There is no place for public vigilantism in a university.
There was no public nudity in the act of the author removing her bra. This was done while keeping her top on. On this again, if there was any reason to speak to the author about refraining from such conduct, it was faculty or university officials who needed to speak to her. This did not happen.
At first the author’s relatively more revealing clothes invited attention, sniggers and hostile comments blaming her for trying to incite male students. Seriously? Wearing a skirt in a university amounts to inciting male students. In Delhi? Later however, students got used to her dressing in more revealing clothes. Note these are all relatively more revealing clothes. We don’t know exactly how revealing they were.
So what exactly is appropriate dress for a law school in Delhi attended by legal adults. Only jeans and salwars? Or are skirts allowed? How short can they be? How deep can a neck be? Are strappy tops allowed? How transparent can a top be? Note that most young people in cities like Delhi are wearing short skirts, see through tops, strappy tops, dresses, tight t-shirts etc.
NLU Delhi is a residential college. So what kind of clothes are allowed inside class and outside class. These are adults mostly over 18. Can the college dictate their dress in their non-academic hours?
At some point in her third year, the author was sexually harassed in that someone used a laser light to draw attention to her breasts when she was dancing in a group. She made some complaint but the matter appears to have been mediated and hushed up with the perpetrator not even being identified or cautioned or punished. The female complainants were forced to settle for a general apology from the boys by a male mediator who laid down the law “No cross questions, no interrupting, no formal complaint, and no talking about this incident from now.” This certainly looks like an attempt to silence the girls and to cover up. The issue was not resolved satisfactorily and has continued to fester. What was the University administration’s role in this?
The author put up a picture of herself in a bikini as her profile picture on Facebook. The author learnt that her male classmates had discussed the picture and it had also been sent around some random Whatsapp group. This would certainly make a young girl uncomfortable and her further inquiries from male classmates were not answered.
In her sixth semester, the author was made uncomfortable by the constant staring at her body by an ex-boyfriend. She learnt that he was calling her “randi” (a crude word for prostitute) on campus and was ‘dehumanizing her and objectifying her to scary levels.’
The author received advice from friends that she should be cute but not sexy, should not be a slut, and should not tell people about her sexual activity as it would impact her employment prospects, boys would not like it, and no one would want anything to do with her if she had slept around. Note that we don’t really know if the author slept around, if she slept with one boyfriend or two, or if she even had sexual intercourse at all.
During Kairos, people including men felt entitled to ask the author where her bra was merely because she wore tiny clothes. The first day, the author had an inadvertent boob slip on stage during a dance, and this was photographed by some boy.
On the last day of Kairos, two older boys from the fourth year took advantage of a screaming crowd around the author and tried to pull off the tube dress worn by the author. There appears to have been some physical altercation and the author writes “As I fought with them, ‘well-meaning’ men pulled me aside and asked me to calm down.” No complaint was made but this was discussed by students on Facebook where a male classmate who had earlier made the author uncomfortable on several occasions commented on Whatsapp that “Rich fat girls will get what they deserve :)”.
Subsequently, the author was scared about being sexually harassed in the dark by her classmates during the Advaita event.
During the Heckler’s burden debate, the author wore a tiny crop top and heard classmates discussing how they’ll give her their clothes if she had nothing to cover herself up with.
On one occasion the author was pushed by a large senior boy while entering the academic block.
The author was sitting in an INSAAF meeting one night and received a Facebook message from a second year boy. It said:
“Hi
Sexy
mera lund tarap rha ha logi mera lund apni chut or muh me”.
Earlier an electrician in the hostel had made the author’s Facebook picture as his own profile picture. The author complained to the warden.
During a farewell, the author wore a tiny top and a male fifth year posted on Facebook mocking the author and joked about her body. He apologised later but the post continued to garner comments condemning the author. The author’s angry response was also mocked. We need to see the screenshots of this Facebook incident to understand what happened. Was it right for students to mock and publicly humiliate the author for her dress?
The author subsequently put up a new picture in the same pose and similar clothing as the one for which she was harassed. This very same fifth year boy commented on the picture said, “
There wasn't any need to put the disclaimer at the top - I think its quite obvious that issues of sexism and harassment are prevalent in all campuses - in all walks of our lives. Though its also commendable that such discussions are happening at NLU-Delhi. Firstly with the Stand-up comic protest and now this. Giving space for such discussions within a University are brave attempts by the admin as well. To everyone pointing fingers at the girl, take a back seat and look around - you are in deep shit of a patriarchal and sexist society! Let's acknowledge the strength behind this article.
If this issue was unknown to the admin so far (which I don't think should be - considering all the previous events at the University which the article mentions) it can be a take off point for any University to support this and take this movement forward. It would sad if such instances are taken personally by the University - because they are not!! Its a problem across the board, across NLUS, across IITs, and "institutes of excellence", but now that you have people discussing this in your campus - I hope you build it from there and make your campus a vibrant and safe space for women. You cannot ignore the fact but realize that such discussions are happening only one college - so capitalize in support!
Down with sexism!
1. Dress codes are good - for men and women - if you are in LAW school and want to join the profession, then pls behave yourself - this is like me saying why don't I have casual Fridays at my firm just like google. The kind of attire she has described has no place (I repeat) no place in an educational institution, leave alone a law school. Let's see someone go to justice kathawala's court in anything but proper attire and let any lawyer (male or female) take their underwear off - the high court won't discriminate on the reaction, I assure you.
2. The author has a point when she says there is a concept of a perfect victim, and yes it is unfortunate. This is a standalone comment and has no linkage with point 3.
3. I think the author has done enough more and beyond to invite a reaction. And. Y sense is that she has done this for the reaction, and for the attention. When she got the expected (by no means justified) reaction, she is being naive (objectively) by being shocked.
4. It is human nature that if you don't follow a setup's rules - they will look at you less kindly - take an example of a student who always falls behind on attendance - suppose he goes with an ailment and a certificate, would you blame the college for not being convinced - this is a bad example as this girl has done nothing to deserve sexual harassment (I beg to differ that not everything in her article is sexual harassment) that she has faced - but if you keep being rebellious about rules and regulations and standards - don't blame the administration for their reaction when you cry wolf
5. [...] Also, has the university commented on this?
6. Can the author please confirm that she and her friends have never laughed at a pot bellied boy, or made fun of an awkward spectacled nerd, or never salivated over a good looking guy in class? Do girls not access guys Facebook profiles or other public dumps of photos? I've been to law school and am aware that the conversations in the girls hostels are as objectifying, policing, fun making etc as they are in the boys hostel. The public show of strength might not be as big on the girls side, but if we are talking about private in room acts, then I don't see the difference....
7. [...] why else does anyone put up any photo on Facebook? Birthday parties, holidays, dates, bikini photos, sunny Leona's web page or ms dhoni's pictures with his daughter - FOR PEOPLE TO SEE THE SNAPS- what you don't want people to see you either keep off public forum or you adjust privacy setting. But how can you not do any of this and cry foul? All the other guys who saw it cause she showed the picture hit like a gazillion times in their head. In any case, all of this is a breach of privacy at best, but sexual harassment us a stretch for the photos bit.
8. Please make that Facebook snapshot public, you can delete the names to protect privacy, I sense this being no more than college kids fighting over each other. Bullying isn't sexual harassment either.
9. Discrimination based on sex, breach of privacy, etc., are all objectively and legally different from sexual harassment. Some of her described portions "if" true are sexual harassment and much more, but quite a lot of it just ain't that.
10. Kian - this is m longest post ever and probably the first serious one - I have been objective here and not in any way vitriollic or attacking - further if we are to have a rational debate about what she has said, these points needs to be brought forth - you moderate this and I will ignore serious posts on LI and just do what I do best - wisecracks...
I still would disagree with most of what you say though...
1. Dress codes - did she violate any dress code? I don't think so. You don't know what her outfit was, and law school is not a court room. Of course it's a sliding scale - at some point what men or women wear might become 'inappropriate' for law school, but I don't think it's relevant here and that we can or should make a judgment on it in this context.
2. Noted.
3. I disagree when you say she's done this to invite reactions. First, she has described a handful of incidents over a period of years of her basically dressing the way that she feels comfortable dressing, and she's getting harassed for it and made to feel unsafe. I don't think you can impute motives into why someone dresses the way someone does. Most people dress a certain way because they like the way they look when dressed that way. To have other people then come around and denigrate you, in a sexual manner, is not cool.
4. Attendance is different in that it applies to both genders equally. Plus it's in the school rule book. The "don't dress slutty rule" (unwritten as it is), applies only to women in practice. I also don't think she blamed the administration. She is blaming the individuals who behave in the way they do.
5. Don't think so, but they appear to have responded to some of her complaints according to her text.
6. I think the main difference, as you say, is the 'show of strength' part that is inherent in men making sexual 'fun' of women. There is an aggressiveness to it that is not gender neutral, particularly in light of things such as widespread rape and misogyny in India... 'Pot bellied boys' should not be teased either but the quality of 'teasing' is vastly different.
7. It's a delicate balance and you are entering starting to enter grey zones on social media. Though it's definitely a bit creepy if you're a guy and you like revealing photos of someone you barely know on something like Facebook. I assume that some of the guys who do that don't even know they're being creepy but maybe there needs to be better creepyness education also?
8. Bullying, if it has sexual elements is definitely sexual harassment.
9. I don't know if that's important and I'm not sure she described all as instances of sexual harassment, in a legal or other sense. Point is that all this behaviour can loosely be grouped under behaviour that harasses someone else that is primarily based or motivated by the gender of the person.
10. Sure thing, please do keep posting thoughtful comments.
In closing, I think there are many reasonable people who might not agree with the author exactly on all points and start nit picking on individual facets of her account, but that is missing the wood for the trees.
If you are reasonable, you will empathise with her and other women's similar experiences, and encourage other men that the kind of behaviour described here is simply completely unacceptable and recognise that it has a very nasty effect on the women who are subjected to it...
1. Every law school has a dress code, and read her blog post carefully, she said she protested the dress code..what has to be inappropriate in a law school has to be looked at from the perspective of what is inappropriate in the profession..lawschool is meant to prepare you for the profession, is it not? If so, then how can you blame the colleague authorities for putting up a dress code?
2. Noted back.
3. Her post seems to suggest that reactions (not attention, there is a difference) were invited.
4. There is of course a difference. The point is whether the University will give her a sound hearing or not..
5. You deleted a major part of my comment. My point was (in politer language) that can be we be certain that she didnt call those guys names against which the guys called her names back? Are we certain that we are not hearing just one side of the story...
6. You're reading my point out of context. This was meant to respond to her point about how doing things in private hurts her. I'm just saying, grow up, happens on both sides of the coin.
7. Which one is creepy? seeing the snaps or liking them? If I were here, I would be more concerned about the seeing part...when I have pictures I dont want to share with the world, I dont...its that simple..
8. Point taken, but lets see it...the pudding tastes sweeted when you eat it..
9. strongly disagree.....sexual harassment and sexual crimes have a moral turpitude element which gender discrimination, etc., dont. the criminology apart, in layman terms, brand the debate as it truly is - gender equality or sexual harassmenet - hence the difficult in loosely grouping things together.
In closing, the "if" is important. Men are dogs is fair and true. But, some of the stuff she talks about is her behaving weirdly and then getting societal backlash (pls see that even other girls felt uncomfortable and admonished her). Dont get me wrong, I am not from the "she-deserved-it" club. That is precisely opposite to what I'm saying. This will again go back to my point on the dress code, and blah and blah.
If you want to be a rebel (and I am trembling as I am typing this as I know Ms Seema Sapra will want to kill me for this, no offence or sarcasm meant), then .... I dont know, sorry but society isnt going to accept you with both arms.
Nothing justifies the idiots sending her messages about you do me and I do you, and / or touching her or pulling her dress down. I stand by my first part, bring those boys around and deliver the sentence right there. But a whole lot of other stuff in the article is not about sexual harassment so please do not make it sound that way.
What was going on is a phenomenon (mis) described as slut-shaming which is pretty damaging and outright dangerous as it encourages sexual assault which is what eventually happened here with the attempt to strip her.
If she violated dress codes, the law school authorities/ faculty should have spoken to her. Instead it looks as if the students had their own khap panchayat going with their own set of rules and penalties.
This student set out her version. No one prevented anyone else involved from putting out a different version under their own name. Instead all we got here were anonymous conjectures by persons claiming to have no first hand knowledge of what happened but who thought that the girl was exaggerating, being emotionally hysterical and outright lying. And most of these anonymous comments outright misrepresented what the girl had stated.
What I see you doing is again downplaying the most egregious behavior and highlighting the lighter harassment which you call bullying and general societal interaction. I see a full scale pattern of slut shaming which led to sexual assault.
And finally responding to "If you want to be a rebel (and I am trembling as I am typing this as I know Ms Seema Sapra will want to kill me for this, no offence or sarcasm meant), then .... I dont know, sorry but society isnt going to accept you with both arms."
neither I nor the author deserve this comment. I don't speak for her but she certainly seems strong enough to deal with some societal disapproval.
All struggles for rights against entrenched positions come up against societal disapproval and that is how society slowly changes.
Slaves fighting for freedom fought against societal disapproval, etc etc. etc.
And I really don't see why you single me out for this comment.
And if this was just about her dress on campus, then the college authorities should have spoken to her.
How different was this NLUD incident? Why is the Law School administration and faculty silent? Don't they want to know if intoxicated male law students did attempt to strip a female student in public?
This blog by the female student was published soon after this incident which obviously made her feel threatened and unsafe and led her to express this publicly.
edition.cnn.com/2014/11/28/world/woman-stripped-kenya-protest/
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2837884/Kenyans-march-against-attacks-women-mini-skirts.html
www.theguardian.com/world/2014/nov/17/kenya-mydressmychoice-protest-woman-stripped
www.theguardian.com/global-development/2014/nov/18/nairobis-miniskirt-march-exposes-sexual-violence-in-kenya
I am saying, figure out the facts please. That's all. Your point about let the other side voice themselves was precisely covered in part of my comment that Kian earlier moderated..are we suggesting that just because this girl has the guts to talk about all this openly, she has to be telling the truth? That's all I am asking....Just because a lot of what she says sounds believable doesn't mean its true. Call me suspect, call me whatever..
And please, the reason why I mentioned you was not to disrespect or mock. I truly respect the passion and zeal with which you are fighting for these issues. I was only referring to the reaction that I was expecting from you and you proved me right..
In fact, we can just dismiss her so far unchallenged narration of facts as suspicious and false and then decide nothing needs to be done about it. That will of course be the right moral thing to do.
& Much as I appreciate your expressed sentiment of 'true respect' for my comments, what you actually did in your earlier comment was to mock me and to attempt to discredit me by suggesting (and again without any basis), that I would want to "kill you" for stating a very obvious social fact, thereby dismissing me and my views as irrational, unreasonable and generally not worthy of serious consideration. I don't even think your comment was careless, on the contrary it was carefully drafted with intent to discredit and dismiss and falsely portray me as some over the top feminist spouting nonsense.
But no doubt you will have a reasonable excuse and explanation in response to this comment as well. After all you are a reasonable man! An anonymous one at that.
Maybe you could write to the NLUD Vice Chancellor using your own name that the "idiots" who sexually assaulted and sexually harassed this student should be punished after of course a proper formal inquiry into the facts.
The Life and Times of a Habshi in Delhi glasnostnludelhi.wordpress.com/2015/05/16/the-life-and-times-of-a-habshi-in-delhi/
The Continuing Adventures of the Habshi in Delhi glasnostnludelhi.wordpress.com/2015/06/05/the-continuing-adventures-of-the-habshi-in-delhi/
Will try and get around to it and publish each in turn, as appropriate.
Reading this article, I understand these women have feelings too and they would get hurt even by the smallest inferences from the public that point towards their character being analysed in such rough and indecent manner. I was taken aback by the raw display of emotions above and took the time to read the entire article (i am really lazy, so this is a big thing). I thank the author for helping me realize as to how small a person I really am. I will try and be a better person. I think this has to be the most bold article I have seen and i hope people can take this in a very constructive manner rather than criticizing the author for having gone a bit emotionally overboard at a few instances.
He feels so entitled that he boasts about his lazy self actually deigning to read the complete article with its "raw display emotion", but he still feels entitled to declare that the author has "gone a bit emotionally overboard at a few instances".
Slut-shaming is a serious and dangerous practice. read below
www.huffingtonpost.com/leora-tanenbaum/the-truth-about-slut-shaming_b_7054162.html?ir=India&adsSiteOverride=in
"Slut-shaming is the experience of being labeled a sexually out-of-control girl or woman (a "slut" or "ho") and then being punished socially for possessing this identity. Slut-shaming is sexist because only girls and women are called to task for their sexuality, whether real or imagined; boys and men are congratulated for the exact same behavior. This is the essence of the sexual double standard: Boys will be boys, and girls will be sluts.
I have been tracking slut-shaming for two decades. Repeatedly, girls and young women across North America tell me that they are encouraged, even expected, to present themselves as sexually knowing and sophisticated, both online and offline. Being "hot" or sexy is part of the recipe of heterosexual femininity. But with one false step, it's easy to cross the invisible and ever-shifting boundary between "sexy" and "slutty." If she is perceived as "too" sexy; if she calls too much attention to her sexiness; if she lacks the sprezzatura that is compulsory to pull off the sexy-but-not-slutty performance; she faces a real risk of becoming labeled.
In other words, if you are a heterosexual girl or young woman, you are damned if you don't and damned if you do. If you refrain from any expression of sexiness, you may be written off as irrelevant and unfeminine. But if you follow the guidelines, you run the risk of being judged, shamed and policed."
"Slut-shaming is far more harmful than simple name-calling -- although being denigrated publicly in itself can be traumatic, as the suicides of a number of slut-shamed girls attests. Once a girl or woman is regarded as a "slut" or "ho," she becomes a target for sexual assault. And if she is sexually assaulted, she may be assigned the "slut" or "ho" identity ex post facto to rationalize the crime and to protect the assaulter. The girl who was raped at a party in Steubenville, Ohio in 2013 was vilified by strangers and peers on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube; they could make sense of the horrible crime only by assigning the "drunken slut" label to the victim.
You might think: Given this set of circumstances, isn't it preferable for a girl or woman to abstain from sexual expression? Putting aside the sexism of this point of view, since boys and men never have to face this decision, it actually makes no difference if a girl or woman is sexually active or even utters any expression of sexuality: she can be called to task simply because she is female. Ashley Judd recently tweeted an innocuous comment during a basketball championship game (she wrote, "I think Arkansas is playing dirty") and was harassed online as a result. People sexualized, objectified and threatened her with sexual violence -- because she expressed an opinion. Clearly, sluttiness to some people indicates a woman who asserts herself, sexually or not.
Yet embracing the "slut" identity is also not necessarily a panacea. A number of teenage girls and young women I've spoken with have referred to themselves as "sluts" to indicate they were comfortable with their sexuality -- trying to wrest control over the term for themselves -- but this strategy backfired. Several were sexually assaulted, and women of color face even greater risks because many white people are influenced by the racist belief that women of color are inherently sexually wild and therefore deserve to be shamed.
As we've seen, slut-shaming is not really about women's sexuality. It is grounded in the belief that men get to assert themselves, and women do not. It may be getting a lot of attention these days, but slut-shaming is really just a catchy way to signify old-fashioned sexism."
Can't you see that the 'young man' here is deeply regretting about what he did while he was at his college? He apologizes and promises to be a better man. And he thanks the author for helping him understand his problem. Isn't that why this article is here in the public domain? so that people would actually see and change for good. and still, here you are, criticizing even that!
Manu09's comment seems to me as the most mature comment here in the comment section. He's one proof why this article is already a success. and you are up with arms even here. There has to be a limit to male bashing!
But I was using him as an example to point out what I said in my comment. I didn't criticize him for what he did right but for what I think he did wrong. I don't think I was too harsh on him.
People like Manu 09 must not complain about being criticized just because they apologized. What he facilitated was wrong and he and others likely ruined the law school experience for several women.
I was using Manu 09 to make a point which I did in my comment. Am sure Manu 09 can learn more from my comment. I wish him well.
I think too much attention has focused on the act of the author's removing her bra from underneath her clothes without nudity in a public space, i.e., a classroom, which as far as I can make out from her statements was her making a statement. I wonder no word of this reached the faculty if some other students were so distressed or affected by this act. The University or faculty should have stepped in. Even though it is difficult to support the author in her claim that she should have the unfettered right to remove her bra in a full classroom and in full view of her classmates especially in an Indian setting, the focus on this issue deflects from what appears to be otherwise a very messed up situation in NLU Delhi and in other university and college campuses around the country. Also a lot of the harassment directed at the author predated or was unconnected to this protest statement by her.
There appears to be a lot of sexual and non sexual bullying and harassment going on and the environment appears to be hostile and divided on gendered lines.
Comments here have either made insipid statements of general support, or have for reasons unfathomable to me called the author too emotional, or have focused on criticizing her one act of deliberate provocation.
The comments have ignored or have attempted to minimize some very grave incidents including the attempt to disrobe the author in public which would be actionable as sexual assault, and the sending of sexually explicit and offensive messages to her by other students,
Imagine the environment where even an electrician on campus dared to sexually harass the student -author by using her profile picture - this could bot have happened unless there was a full-fledged campaign of harassment against the author and unless the electrician was egged on by male students.
Some of the instances of harassment cited by the author are very grave and the law school must formally look into them.
The retaliation against the author has also started in comments blaming her at glasnostnludelhi.wordpress.com/2015/06/04/confessions-of-a-slut/.
Some comments have attempted to retaliate against the author by making insinuations that she has "issues".
Compare the response to this post to the comments made on this website on the post about the rape charges at Jindal Law School. The majority of those comments were in defense of the boys and contained admonitions to not rush to judgement against the boys.
The response to this post once again confirms to me that Indian society has a rape culture and while for most Indians, "Boys will be boys" and their misadventures and worse will be laughed off, girls however must not overstep social boundaries and expectations.
Kian,even though you mean well in censoring comments, publishing them would really expose what a hypocritical, dishonest and misogynist society we are. That revelation is also needed.
finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2010/04/04/what-is-slut-shaming/
If you had taken the trouble to read the article at the link, your comment might not have popped out.
Please read, the feminist concept of slut-shaming starts from the premise that women are wrongly labeled as sluts, sometimes for doing nothing and at other times for only doing what men also do.
Why don't you tell me what your definition of a slut is.
www.kickstarter.com/projects/unslutproject/slut-a-documentary-film
www.salon.com/2015/02/07/boys_will_be_boys_and_girls_will_be_sluts_leora_tanenbaum_on_defeating_slut_shaming_in_the_age_of_the_internet/
thesaladbowl.kinja.com/on-the-semantic-inaccuracy-of-the-term-slut-shaming-1580823516
www.unslutproject.com/
I point out that slut shaming is culturally contextual, Women on Indian campuses like NLU Delhi are being labeled sluts for much less than on American campuses.
www.huffingtonpost.ca/anne-theriault-/slutshaming-and-suicide_b_3883031.html
www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jan/08/slut-shaming-shames-us-all
www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/05/theres-no-such-thing-as-a-slut/371773/
www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/02/05/slut-author-s-war-on-slut-shaming.html
feministcurrent.com/6845/its-not-slut-shaming-its-woman-hating/
I wanted to reproduce the whole thing in the interest of educating you but its too long - the link is feministcurrent.com/6845/its-not-slut-shaming-its-woman-hating/
An extract instead -
"I implore you, friends of feminism, language and logic — Stop saying ‘slut-shaming’. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s misleading. And it makes you all sound ridiculous.
...
Yet still I cringe every time I hear someone talking about ‘slut-shaming’. As such, I’ve compiled a list of reasons that describe why I feel this term is stupid and should go away forever:
1) There’s no such thing as a slut. Can we please stop pretending there is? ‘Slut’ is a word used to shame and silence and attack women. It is only a real thing to misogynists who use language to hurt women.
2) The solution to the sexual double standard that shames women for having casual sex, being promiscuous, enjoying sex, having female bodies, leaving the house, whatever, is not, as a very smart lady on Twitter put it recently, to “turn ‘sluts’ into a special-interest group“. You see, there is no such thing as a ‘slut’ or a ‘non-slut’. There are women. This whole ‘slut-pride’ thing and terms like ‘slut-shaming’ reinforce the very dichotomies feminism works to destroy. Us vs. them. Good girls vs. bad girls. Reinforcing the idea that some women are ‘sluts’ and that ‘sluttishness’ is attached to female sexuality (i.e. that whole — now ‘slut’ means a ‘woman who likes sex‘ crap) is not useful in terms of defining our own lives and sexualities. Like sex, don’t like sex, whatever. You aren’t a ‘slut’ either way. You’re a woman.
3) ERGO. ‘Slut-shaming’ isn’t about shaming ‘sluts’. It’s about misogyny. It’s about shutting women down. It’s about hating women. It’s about silencing. You can be labelled a ‘slut’ regardless of whether or not you have or like sex. Whether you’ve had one partner or fifty. It’s doesn’t matter. Just like women get called bitches regardless of their behaviour. Do we go around telling people not to ‘bitch-shame’ us? No, we say that men who call women bitches are sexist assholes who don’t like it when women speak (read: exist).
4) No matter how hard you try to take back ‘slut’, people will still use it to shit on you. And it still won’t feel good. Just because you’ve painted ‘slut’ across your chest and proudly tromped down the street in fishnets doesn’t mean that assholes across the continent are going to stop using sexist language. A lot of people like to make comparisons around ‘taking back’ the word ‘slut’ to the n-word. But as we all know, racists still use this word in a racist way. Because they are racist and because racism is a thing that still exists in our world. You can pretend that, in the last year, ‘slut’ has been taken back to mean ‘awesome-fun-times-sexy-lady’, but it’s not true.
5) Half of the time people talk about being ‘slut-shamed’ or witnessing ‘slut-shaming’, it’s about clothes. Not sex. Someone thought you or your buddy was dressed ‘like a slut’. Your response was to say that, apparently, some ‘slut-shaming’ happened. But I’m confused now. Which is it? Is it that women who ‘like sex’ are being shamed? Or is it that women who wear push-up bras are being shamed? Because, for the record, wearing ‘slutty’ clothes has nothing to do with liking sex or not liking sex."
Other comments have been later
Your experience has been indubitably unfortunate. But, if it has not broken you, it would have indeed made you stronger.
I agree with most of your observations and believe all law students would relate to such incidents in large or small measure. If there is more than one person, there is a society and if there is a society, there would be politics.
That said, I am convinced that irrespective of society/ kind of politics, there are evolved/ good hearted people. Find them. Make a team. And carry on your work. They may not always agree with you but they will make you stronger, wiser and ultimately more successful.
YOU HAVE ADVERTENTLY/ INADVERTENTLY CHALLENGED SOCIO-POLITICAL INJUSTICE. PLEASE DONT LEAVE THE STRUGGLE UNCOMPLETED.
Sunday brunches would often see junior females come to mess in bum shorts. The boys all admired the visual delights. But we all knew our limitations.
NLU D, you surely are a bunch of uncouthes.
Agree with the overall sentiment and there are a couple of clear instances of sexual harrasment in your post which ought to be condemned. Yes, existing norms of society should be questioned, and if it takes extreme measures, then so be it - But I do have, what to me, seem to be reasonable questions:
1) Somebody liked your picture on FB (presumably a FB friend of yours) -
In what possible way is that harrasment? You've replied to a previous comment saying you don't need to justify why you felt harrased or uncomfortable - You do, in this case. You put up a photo of yourself in a bikini - A FB contact of yours liked it - How can you in your mind impute motive to the mind of the person who liked it? ("Male Gaze" you've mentioned) - (1) Whether he liked it because he supported you and your courage / your endeavours in college in general which admittedly seek to break down the existing system of patriarchy (2) Whether he liked it because he thought you looked nice (3) Whether he liked it to mock you (4) Whether he liked what he saw in whichever way (perverse or not) - A photo was uploaded on a semi-public forum with access only to your own FB contacts and got a like - How is that harassment in any manner? I'm sorry but this is like saying "I saw the cricket match today and Kohli got out really early - I feel harassed". You have the right to feel harassed for whatever you want to in theory but you can't possibly expect a rational person to support or empathize, to any degree at all, with this particular point.
2) Taking off your bra in class -
Fair enough, we musnt judge this by prevailing societal norms and yes you were not naked so it should be up to you what you choose to wear/don't wear. Yes it was meant to be symbolic ("stood up in class in the middle of two rows and took it off") - but how can you then feel harassed if people are shocked and talking about it or mocking it / disparaging the act? Are they not entitled to their own sense of morality / decency - and yes I do think this can be compared to a guy taking off his underwear in class (there are enough ways to do it without stripping - he can tear it / cut up the fabric) and walking around with a boner (which he happens to have, intentionally / un-intentionally); it's a part of the body (and an election is often unintentional) and he is still clothed on the outside and he should have a right to dress like this if he chooses to do so - But can you in all honesty guarantee to me that you / other girls / guys in the room will not feel shocked / uncomfortable / find humour in it and discuss it amongst themselves? I know I've taken this to another extreme here but my point is this - Good that you did that to draw attention to the larger issue at hand - of protesting existing societal norms & expectations - but isn't it rational to expect people to say things about it? Especially 19-20 year olds who may not necessarily be mature enough to be diplomatic about it? Can you really say that you took off your bra in the center of the class and the fact that people spoke about it (mocked it / disparaged it) offended you? I don't see how the male/female privilege point plays out here as shown in my rather extreme example above - In practice, boy or girl, your peers' reactions would be very similar (even without the guy having an erection - even if he just cut his undies out from within his shorts in the middle of class). And I believe this would have happened anywhere in the world not just NLUD/India - Harvard/Cambridge/MIT/NUS. Often symbolic protest are extreme and provocative by their very nature - and one must be prepared for the backlash/comments that may accompany it.
Just my two cents. I agree with everything else in your post and really appreciate the fact that you're put your real name out there through this whole exercise. I, unfortunately, do not possess the same guts.
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