CBS' The Good Wife is easily one of the best lawyer shows on TV right now. Just having entered the second half of Season 5 after a short break, it's still going strong. It really has everything a lawyer could want: weekly case-of-the-week courtroom drama, partnership politics at Lockhart Gardner and (SPOILER, LOOK AWAY NOW IF YOU'VE NOT SEEN ANY OF IT) start-up firms, Chicago West-Wing-light politics, and good ol fashioned romance.

If you haven't seen it yet, do give it a go. Suffice it to say, these recaps will have spoilers of the actual episode, so if you haven't seen it yet, do yourself a favour and catch up!

Preeeviously on The Good Wife:

Peter Florrick's (aka Mr Big's) political plotline left us hanging on the edge of a cliff last season, in the long-coming surfacing of the voter fraud tapes (e.g., grainy footage of Eli's man for dirty business, whom Eli had somewhat naively told to “do whatever he could” to make Peter win. Rookie error Eli - how clumsy do you have to be to rig an election this badly by carrying in a flipping box? Couldn't they have hacked some voting machines or something? Or done a Sharad Pawar “vote twice”? India's election commission would have sorted Eli out long ago over this buffoonery.

Eli Gold, the long-lost mid-Western operator brother of Ari Gold, is in trouble with Ethics Duckface Marilyn. While she began as a sexy potential honeytrap office romance for Mr Big, she's basically become pregnant mope face who wouldn't give Peter a 'clean chit' while continually looking like she's about to hurl and being a continual pain in the ass to poor Eli (who'd, in an ideal world, prefer not having to worry about nonsense such as democracy).

Meanwhile, Will, who's still got major teenage heartbreak over Alicia and decided the best way to get over it was to be spurned-lover-from-hell and go into outright malevolence-mode, was still being a good lawyer and listening to Mr Big's instruction to not waive attorney-client privilege (but not before letting him know that he would screw him if he could). Oh, and don't forget that Peter screwed Diane out of her judgeship. Where's a collegium when you need one, right?

So, now that we're up to speed, here goes:

Season 5, episode 13 recap (“Parallel Construction, Bitches”, aired 9 March 2014).

And we're back. Grace getting older by the day, watching terrible TV with super-mum, Alicia. Continuing the trend of terrible videos shot by the Good Wife team that's not Good Wife, they've made an awful little trailer about a supposed AMC show called Darkest Noon Detective True Lies Love in Murder Sex (maybe).

Business as usual, Alicia is guzzling her red wine as though she's a HumVee sucking down petrol, when the door bell goes and lo-and-behold, balding little Puffin man is back – Charles Lester – the barely legal right-hand-man of everyone's favourite Chicago businessman (read drug lord) Lamont Bishop. Is Puffin Man the creepiest lawyer ever or a sweetheart? Still can't decide, despite him basically having arranged the murder or intimidation of half-a-dozen witnesses last season with his little yellow notes. Who cares, he looks just like my favourite uncle.

Alicia, chilling at home, in a futuristic designer sweater, freaks out, and flips into Alicia mother-hen-mode, basically locking her offspring in their bedroom, leaving them to ChumHum the Puffin Man, who's obviously all over the internet as a dodgy dodgy. Sorry, all over the internet as Lamont's “family spokesman AND lawyer”.

If only Alicia had her kid's ChumHumming skills last season, all those witnesses needn't have died.

***

Over to Pregnant Duck Face Marylin, being her annoying ethical self, getting screwed by the Office of Public Accountability in a scary black van (how many bloody departments are there in the US of A?). Marylin doesn't flip (yet?).

Judge Kluger – the judge who always frowns but constantly cracks lame jokes (with a crush on Alicia since last season – she could do worse!) - is in typically good form today, bantering with the prosecution who's finding himself by his lonesome, versus Lamont's table of 20 lawyers (yes, FlorrickAgos and LockhartGardner are both batting for Lamont – awkward!).

Basically Lamont's in trouble again for doing the drugs dealing thing. Of course, Lamont's a classy guy, so drugs are called “product”, but apparently an eyewitness has seen him carry “bricks” of the product around. If he's such a successful kingpin, why doesn't he have henchmen to do the carrying product bricks around thing for him? Anyway, hands on kinda guy I guess.

Case is a little all over the place until weird estate agent witness gets taken apart by Will's surprise guest: welcome Howard Lyman senior (senile) partner at LG, who just happened to have a flat viewing with her the day of her alleged witnessing. Lyman, fortunately, is wearing his pants in court today but to his credit seems to know how to operate a panoramic mode on his camera (probably for perverted purposes no doubt).

Not much of substance happening in court today, to be honest, but ever-ethical Alicia (no wonder Peter has a wife-substitute-crush on Ethical Marilyn) is chewing her fingernails about a lunch date with Judge Kluger tomorrow, who made his non-gentlemanly intentions towards Alicia more than clear.

But no time for her ethical dilemma, as Lamont and his Puffin henchman are paying a visit to the Hipsterest Office Space in Chicago (that is, Florrick Agos & Associates). That's what you get for taking gangsters as your client – they suspect Flagos of having leaked Lamont's shady 'product' shipping dates to the DEA.

Puffin man, effortlessly menacing as ever – why the hell does Lamont need any other henchmen with uncle around? Interrogations with FA staff (basically, the only 4 we know – Alicia, Carey, friendly square-headed accountant man, and Blonde Not Kalinda), turn up FA.

Though Puffin & Lamont subtly tell Alicia they're doing a product placement tomorrow at 3pm and she should be ready. Pretty obvious that they're doing this to set up to find a leak. Or is Puffin setting up Alicia to take the fall for some other dirty dealings?

All these shenenigans make Alicia a little late to the judge-date, who's not amused and won't tolerate such insolence, though it's hard to tell when Judge Kluger is pissed off if he never smiles.

Meanwhile, Kalinda and Carey continue their little bit of rarely-ending foreplay in a bar. The will-they-won't-they-question has long been answered, but always nice to see that at least someone in the show might be getting some.

***

Meanwhile, Ethics Duckface ponders something. Pregnancy. And heavy stuff. Eli manages to tick her off, as he watches the ballot stuffing video for the nth time (maybe it's set as his screensaver?), so she turns over the fattest most old-school blue USB drive you've seen in a decade, possibly 8MB big, containing the ballot-stuffing-video to BlackVanMan. (Does BlackVanMan live in a black van or something? Deepak Khosla should sue him for stealing his idea!)

***

In perhaps the most obvious set-up yet, Lamont and Puffin man get busted by the cops with bags and bags of product. Too easy! Yes, it's literally pancake mix. Take that DEA.

(Has to be said, Lamont is easily the most well-dressed gent on this show and particularly dashing in his camel-coloured wool coat in the snow).

Turns out that the gangster family have come up with a fiendish plan, giving all 4 Flagos suspects a different time for 'product' delivery: 1pm, 3pm, 5pm and 7pm. How's that for a sting operation, booya CobraPost, eat your heart out! Alicia so busted by GANGSTA LOGIC!

But who could really suspect Alicia? Her voicemail must have been hacked, of course! What, News of the World operating from Chicago now?

***

Oh hi, NSA guys, you're still there!!! Remember? NSA, and in particular Harold and Kumar, have got it out for Flagos since last season and are listening to every single one of their convos, because they won some symbolic victory against their wiretaps in court for Chumhum or something or other. Yeah, heavy shit.

So, clearly the NSA is feeding the DEA with this stuff – parallel construction, still right on the topical ball Good Wife writers!

Obviously, Flagos calls the DEAs bluff and tells Judge Kluger, obviously, they're totally wiretapping us illegally. (Hold on, the guy's a confirmed drug dealer, moneylaunderer and everything else – why ISN'T he being wiretapped by the DEA? Oh yeah, he's got great lawyers!)

Humourless prosecution attorney puts his own neck on the line and swears that DEA does NOT have a wiretap on Lamont and FA.

Embarrassed shuffles all around as Kluger refuses to dismiss the case.

***

Cut back to the NSA, at the shittiest and emptiest open-plan government offices ever in Chicago - maybe, since Snowden left, they've been having a hard time recruiting? And why the hell is their phonetapping headquarters in Chicago? We'll never know, coz official secrets and jazz.

Anyway, it's spelled out that the DEA has messed up by getting busted on the wiretap. Bloody rookies. Harold and Kumar of course, sit in on the meeting in their T Shirts, with their incompetent Pointy-Haired Boss from Dilbert-clone.

Next scene, the prosecuting attorney, struck by a case of the ethics, which is proving infectious this episode, resigns from his post. Not just recuses himself from the case, no, he quits his job! Way to go making it look like you didn't just perjure yourself buddy.

And the plot continues to thicken even more this episode: The BlackVanMan Officer of Public Integrity is now in Hipsterest Flagos Office, doorstepping Alicia. Poor woman really doesn't get a break, does she?

But don't mess with Alicia BlackVanMan (whose name is apparently Nelson Dubeck – Nelson, seriously?). It was obvious he was going to hit a dead end with Alicia, and jail for protecting her husband don't threaten her at all these days yo.

***

Back at NSA Towers, Harold doesn't have anything else to do than wiretap Alicia right now. Doesn't he have any terrorists to listen to or something? Maybe his Arabic's no good or something?

***

Cut to Kalinda and Carey between the sheets. Oh my, that's exciting. Though I think we've seen that before, haven't we? Or have we?

Kalinda wastes no time after extracting some vaguely inchoherent pillowtalk out of Carey but, right out of the bedroom and into LockhartGardner's offices, she can tell Carey is lying about the wiretap somehow (which he isn't). Call it Kalindan intuition, which is usually not that wrong.

***

Harold and Kumar are enjoying listening to Lockhart's phone meanwhile, like it's Big Boss 3, as Blonde Not Kalinda (Robin) and Puffin Man play good cop bad cop with the resigned prosecutor, and promptly put him on the stand before Judge Kluger. Doh. Justice moves fast in Chicago, and ethical prosecutor gets caught in cross ex by Puffin Man Lester, who's proving to be a much better at this counsel thing than Alicia or Carey.

Lester's asks the question they should have been asking from the start – was there “any wiretap” rather than just asking about a “DEA wiretap”. Interrogation 101. Former prosecutor blabs and pleads the fifth (“I won't answer because it may incriminate me” - how many times have characters in Good Wife said that so far? The fifth is pretty awesome, I guess).

Woot. It's enough for Carey, apparently the only one on the defence team who reads newspapers, to figure out that DEA has been using parallel construction. Wow, the Good Wife writers must really love Edward Snowden.

***

The Chicago branch of the NSA is having an open house day today, with BlackVanMan of the Office of Public yadiyaa knocking on their door. NSA Pointy-Haired Boss, despite having been burnt by the DEA on this case 5 minutes ago, clearly just hates the Florricks too much and shares phone records with BlackVanMan like he just discovered Facebook.

And so, with the episode wrapping up, Kluger obviously rules for Flagos and Lamont. Nice job Mr ex-Prosecutor for screwing that one up. Not to worry though, the bigger picture is clearly BlackVanMan and the NSA both going after Mr Big in the next episode.

Unfortunately in all this, Alicia has lost Kluger's interest and doesn't want to date her anymore apparently. Kumar and Harold keep listening to Big Boss radio, speculating about sexual tension between Will and Diane (now that would be a hook-up we'd pay to see!), and Nelson tries to crack open Will's attorney-client privilege with Peter with the threat of a grand jury subpoena (Will enjoyed that grand jury last time, didn't he?)

Gotta give it to Will, he may be an ass, but he's pretty cool about his privilege, despite apparently hating Alicia and Peter with a passion.

The episode closes with Alicia and Grace watching the godawful AMC stab by Good Wife's CBS again, as Alisha guzzles more glasses of red filled to the brim. After another hard day, the sweet sweet wine is the only thing that makes it bearable Alicia, isn't it?

Back very soon with episodes 14 and 15 of Season 5. Social media has been abuzz about some major plot twist coming up, so make sure you stay offline and lock yourself in and catch up, if you haven't yet.

Oh, and no spoilers in the comments.