LSDA: LAW SCHOOL DEFENCE ACADEMY

(A tactical training program to survive at a law school)

LESSON 101: You need to be a damn good lawyer BEFORE you get your degree

"saurabh!!!"

"Saurabh Sharma!!!!!"

"MR. SAURABH SHARMA!!!!!!!" and BANG!!!!

It was as loud as a small blast. I got startled and when I looked, I found a pair of eyes staring at me, a book on my desk and astonished faces of my classmates. Before I could make out what’s going on, he threw a question at me –

"Can you tell me what happened in Mafatlal case?" For a nano-second, I wish he had asked “Can you tell me what was happening in Vegas?” And I would proudly share my dream of partying with my friends in Vegas and winning $ 1 million in poker. It will start a chain-reaction of aww’s and WOWs. But I also calculated the repercussions of all this and instead answered "Sir, its about...hmm..ah….hmm...merger?" I wasn't sure. My friend prompted that its merger but I couldn't hear him clearly. But ya, now the teacher was staring at him. Good for me.

"Thappad padega !!!", he said in his peculiar accent, "stop helping your friend. And you, Mr. Sharma, what besides merger?" Every teacher in this world loves an opportunity to catch a culprit in a class of 70 something and start his interrogation. They start imagining themselves like FBI agents and if you give one wrong answer, BOOM!!, you are gone mister. Case closed.

"Ah...hmm....wo...hmm...I don't know sir." The safest answer of all, coupled with puppy face. Sometimes works with kind-hearted teachers. And if you are a pretty girl, well, you don’t have to do anything. I’m not a girl and he can’t be kind-hearted.

"I expected that. Kal kitni baje tak masti kiya hostel mein. You guys don't sleep whole night and treat classroom as your bedroom. There is no need to come in class if you don't want to listen, why are you wasting your parent’s money. This attitude won't work. Students like you are worthless". He was crossing limits now.

“There is no need to say so much, Sir. You want me to leave the class, I will. I was not watching a movie or playing C.S. I’m going for a moot and we are not getting exemptions. I have been working continuously from past 3 nights and just because I dozed off for a few minutes because all the exhaustion, you are blasting at me, telling me that I’m burning my parent’s money. We have so much pressure. This assignment, that project, moots, mid-sems, publications…and we are trying to cope up with it. There is so much competition and fight, but why would you care about it. I’m leaving the class and you can cancel my attendance if you want.” And with that, I picked my cell and started to walk out of the class. I didn’t give him a chance to say anything and I could see all students staring at him as if saying “So inhumane”.

“Its okay.”  I turned to hear what he had to say. “I understand now. You go to hostel and take rest. You will get today’s attendance. All the best for your moots.”

I wasted no time. I walked out, sneaked-in an empty moot-court hall and occupied the last bench to go back into my dreams and enjoy the strip club of Vegas!

MORAL OF THE STORY: Sleeping in class is not bad, getting caught is. But even if you do get caught, don’t give in. You might be able to turn it to your advantage. I was not going for any moots, last night I played C.S., watched Hangover, then went out to find something to eat and ended up playing rounds of cards till wee hours. But I knew I can’t get away telling my teacher all this. So, be a lawyer, get best possible argument and win your case. However, most importantly, tell a lie which is convincing. You can’t claim you were working in library when your teacher met you last night at a show of Jungli Jawani.

CLASS DISMISSED.